I’d allowed him to subject me to bullshit.
But was it his fault completely? I was to blame right? I should have taken the easy way out. What was the point of any of it anyway? If he didn’t know? I wanted him to know. Needed him to know. This… silent revenge… it didn’t hit the same.
But I couldn’t tell him.
Duke would probably try to kill me. If he were actually behind me, bound to a chair, he would have been out of it minutes ago. The minute he saw me prance my sexy ass in the room. He would have found his way out of the cuffs. Probably would have broken his wrists to escape just to get to me.
“Shit baby,” the man in the middle mumbled. “Just like that.”
He was sexy.
His voice, scruffy and low. His eyes centered on me.
A second later, I felt one of them behind me.
Looking over to the side, I saw it was number one. The last man stayed still, hand wrapped around his dick, watching damn near foaming at the mouth.
When I felt number one's hands fumbling with my pants, I froze a little. Almost stopped. Almost told him to stop. But… I didn’t. I helped him. Thought about Crescent and helped him. He was eager again. Rushing. I let him. I was ready for it to be over. The show. The theatrics. The sex. I just… I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing on my knees sucking dick, getting ready to be fucked. I didn’t really want it. I didn’t really want to be at Pandora’s.
But I let him get me out of my pants. And when I felt his lips on my bare ass cheeks, I tensed up a little. Kept bobbing and weaving though. Kept sucking with passion. Missed a beat a bit. Stopped seeing middleman for Crescent. Reality began to engulf me. And… the crowd around me came alive. The fantasy of Duke sitting behind me watching… it faded too. And I rememberedJudah again. He knew I was married. This was different. It was different. Every single moment of it.
I gagged.
Not because his dick was too big but because I lost focus. I didn’t want a dick down my throat. I didn’t want to be Mocha. I wanted to be Mahogany. A version of myself that I’d never been before. I wanted to be free. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be whole. I didn’t… I didn’t want this. I wanted to be loved. Properly. Not by Duke—by me.
This…
It wasn’t love.
It was hate.
I was treating myself worse than Duke treated me.
I deserved better.
This whole thing with silent karma… it just wasn’t working out for me anymore. Besides, karma wasn’t for me to serve. It was for God to deliver and I felt like… what was the point? If I was destroying myself, was it even worth it? Absolutely not.
“Shit baby, you good?” Asked middleman.
I pulled off his dick and ran my tongue over my bottom lip. Salt. Tears. I was crying. He noticed. Tears were rolling down my face. I was so far gone that I didn’t even realize I was crying. I wondered if they noticed, too. The small crowd behind me. Wondered if Judah saw.
Just before number one could pull my thong down, I stopped him. Stood, pulled my pants up, and without a word, just… walked away. Pushing by Judah, who tried to grab me, on the way out.
About thirty minutes later, I was pulling into the driveway. The ride home was spent with me crying most of the way. I didn’t stop until I was about five minutes from pulling up. I was a fucking mess. Didn’t know what to do with myself. The onlything I could count on was crying. Which was pretty fucking pathetic.
With a deep breath, I prayed like hell the kids were in bed already. Shifting my eyes to the dash, I saw that it was 9:55PM. They should’ve been in bed. The only one that would be up at this time was Aubry and she was most likely in her room on the phone doing whatever eighteen-year-old girls did these days, so I didn’t have to worry about her bombarding me when I walked in.
After texting Sienna, letting her know I was at home, I grabbed my bag and got out of the car. With a deep breath I hit the alarm and walked inside of the house. I sighed a sigh of relief when I saw that the kitchen was clean and clearly closed for the day, with the oven hood light the only thing on. Sitting on the stove, though, was a tray of food that I assumed was for me. Walking over to the stove, I lifted it and my stomach growled at the sight of my favorite Chinese dish—almond chicken and shrimp fried rice. I hadn’t eaten all day. Before digging in, I wanted to wash the night off me, so I just took a piece of chicken out, ate it, and closed the tray back.
Coming out of my shoes, I carried them as I walked across the mopped kitchen floors, toward the hallway where I took the stairs up to the bedroom. I crept the entire walk there, careful not to draw any attention to myself.
When I got to my bedroom, I softly closed the door behind me and turned, to find Duke sprawled out on the bed, phone in hand, knocked out.
Bitch.
Was sleeping comfortably, as always, like he wasn’t living a double life.
I stood there just… staring at him. Averting my eyes from him to the phone resting in his hand, contemplating on if I should check it or not. I wanted to know more. Wanted toknow who she was. Wanted to know just how much he’d been funding their lives. Then it hit me… I hadn’t checked the bank statements. Should have done that a long time ago, the next day after finding out about Diary. Our shit was probably damn near wiped out with him funding a completely different life.
