“You alright little lady?” I asked while Orion and Luna gave her love, too.
“Alright enough. Still breathing,” she struggled to say, always so unmoved.
“Barely,” Pops said, opening his eyes. Extending his hand to me, I shook it.
“Oh hush, Moon. I’m alright,” she said, lightly hitting him.
“You ain’t alright,” He said, with a frown. “They need to hurry they ass up!”
That was just like them. Fussing at each other in the middle of a crises. They wouldn’t be Moon and Niecy if they weren’t fussing at each other. It was all out of love though.
“How long y’all been waiting?” Orion asked with his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes laser focused on the back area where they checked people in at.
I scratched my ear and shook my head. “How ever long they been waiting, ain’t shit we can do about it.”
He looked over at me, turned the corners of his mouth up and huffed. Orion was much like pops when he was in his feelings about ma. Didn’t know how to process his emotions so instead of expressing sadness, he expressed anger. I was levelheaded. Hid the way I felt under years of pain. I didn’t know how to express anything for real. Didn’t know how to be. So… I just was. Stoic. Calm. Quiet mostly, unless asked to speak. Just… chill. My calm demeanor was often mistaken for not giving a fuck. Was the furthest thing from the truth.
I didn’t need to cry hysterically like Luna.
Didn’t need to crash out like Orion.
I was the observer. The calm in the middle of the storm.
“Exactly,” mumbled pops with his arms crossed over his chest, eyes closed again. “Can’t do a damn thing but fuckin’ wait.” He peeled one of his eyes open and looked down at ma. “You gettin’ enough oxygen baby?”
“Mmhmm,” she mumbled, winking at me.
She knew me.
Knew that despite the calm demeanor, I was in my head. And I was. I was calculating how long it’d been since we found out her cancer was in stage two. Wondering when she last got chemo and how that went. Wondered if the sores in her mouth were healing properly and if that had anything to do with the vomiting. Wondered if the sores had made their way down toher throat and were fucking with her breathing. Just… thinking about shit.
“I’m about to go see what’s going on though,” I said with a stretch.
O followed me. Luna sat beside ma, leaning her head on her shoulder like a little girl.
“I’m speaking,” I told Orion. “I don’t need you sayin’ shit.”
He sucked his teeth. “Nigga what?” Pausing he added, “You can’t tell me how to handle shit, bro.”
I glanced over my shoulder at ma and looked back at Orion. “You think she in the mood for anything other than calm? Chill nigga. You don’t need to be in this bitch showing your ass.”
He glanced over at her, took a deep breath, and shook his head. “Ay… you think she good? I mean… she did lose a little weight since?—“
“She’s good,” I interrupted. “Right now… she’s good. That’s the only thing that matters. Now. Not later. Not yesterday. Now.”
He didn’t say anything; took another deep breath and was quiet the rest of the way. Quiet while I handled business too. I asked the clerk how long it would be before she was seen and she told me it shouldn’t be but about ten more minutes.
Ten minutes was what it took too. Damn near on the nose. When she was called back me and my siblings sat in the waiting area… waiting. Pops went back with her. Was the only one allowed. While we waited, Luna rested her head on my shoulder. Orion paced. And I sat.. just waiting. Mind racing. Thinking about tomorrow when I should’ve been doing like I told O to do. Focusing on today. Couldn’t help it though. At least I kept my shit inside.
I thought about what would happen down the road. Thought about what life would be like without the matriarchy of the family. Thought about how I’d have to step up and help withfuneral arrangements while my dad was however he would be without her. Thought about Luna and how she’d break. She’d complain. Cry about how she never gave moms a grandchild. She’d think about shit my ma stopped thinking about years ago. Orion would be reckless. In shambles too. And I’d have to be Cressy. I’d have to be put together. I’d have to feel when the rest of the world slept. On top of already feeling for my daughter.
I took a deep breath and rubbed my eyes. Checking the time on my phone, I saw that it was close to three in the morning. Late and?—
“Hey, there.” I looked up at the sound of a woman’s voice. Taking in her outfit, I could see she was a nurse. “I’m Ashley. I was told that the family of Denise Carter was waiting for an update.”
I stood, Luna looked on with wide eyes, and Orion stopped his pacing to join us. “Yes, that’s right,” I told her.
“So, she’s being admitted. I was told to tell you three to go home.” She softly laughed and then pursed her lips together. With her eyes locked on mine, she said, “You’re Crescent, I assume?”
