That was the only thing I heard. The only thing of significance.
“Nah I’m not going to tell on yo’ overgrown ass. I ain’t gone be lying for you though. That’s fa damn sure. Figure it out, Ducati. Figure it out fast because.” She paused and shook her head. “I told you… shit like this don’t stay hidden forever. You don’t want to be found out—you want to be a man and confess.”
I swallowed and crossed my arms over my chest.
“Confess and then what, ma? Lose her? Lose my family?”
“Let her find out on her own and lose them in a worse way. You choose. What you prefer? To jump ahead of it or to let the shit unravel and smack you in the face?”
I let her words marinate a little. Stood there against the kitchen counter, arms crossed over my chest, thinking. The real nigga way to go would be to just tell Mahogany. But my racing heart and the fear that crept up the nape of my neck every time I thought about it wouldn’t let me. I was a coward. When it came to this shit… I was a cur like a muthafucka. But moms was right. I did need to tell her. Having her find out on her own would be ten times worse.
“Gotta bite the bullet huh?” I asked, staring over at Diary again, with a deep sigh.
“Mmmhmm, before the bullet bites you.”
3
CRESCENT
“Dad hadto take mommy to the hospital,” Luna said on the other end of the phone once I finally turned over to answer it.
She’d called twice before.
I was too tired to answer. Had just fallen asleep about an hour before the first call came through. Last night was rough. Very rough. My visit to Nova Ray ended with me fucked up. Distraught rather than fulfilled. Last night I didn’t read to her. Last night, I sat on the little couch thinking. In my feelings. The books, the tea party setting, the couch, the dolls… none of those things were enough.
I had nights like that though.
They were far and in between, but when they did come, they hit me hard. Which was why I didn’t pick up until Lu called for a third time.
I sat up.
“What—when? Why? What hospital she at?” I asked, sitting on side of the bed, ready to leave.
“She was throwing up, and her breathing was weird?—
“What hospital she at, Lu?”
She sighed. “Henry Ford Macomb. Dad said we shouldn’t worry and—are you going down there? I—I can’t sleep and I… I’m worried.”
“Yeah I’ma go down there,” I said, rubbing my eyes. “Give me about fifteen. I’ll scoop you.”
With that we hung up and I sat there a minute, processing. Moms had had stage two cancer for a minute. However, that didn’t mean she still did. Even the slightest change in health was a scare. Processing for me meant preparing to see her in a hospital bed. Preparing to see Luna crying. Preparing to see the deep furrow in pops brow and to hear the pain he’d try to hide, in his voice. Preparing to deal with Orion who didn’t know how to process sadness. All while having to be strong for the family. Moms was the glue, pops was right after but without her, he’d deteriorate, leaving me with the pieces to hold together. People thought I was strong. Thought I could handle just about anything since I’d already gone through an insufferable loss. I could handle moms passing away, right? I lost my daughter—losing my mother… it wouldn’t hurt as much, right? That’s what people thought. It would hurt. Maybe not as bad, but it would hurt still. But because I was the strong one, I had to hold it together for everyone else. I would—not because of them because what else did I have to do? I couldn’t crumble. I couldn’t fold. I had to stand sturdy, with my head screwed on right. Shit, life didn’t leave me a choice.
Grabbing my phone, I hit Orion. He answered immediately. Told me Luna already called and he too wanted to ride with me. Always wanted to ride with me. That was the way it’d been since we were youngins. I was always in the driver seat in every single situation, on every single ride.
About forty minutes later, I was dressed in a pair of joggers, a pull over, and a pair of Yeezy slides, walking through the revolving emergency room doors at Henry Ford Macomb. Assoon as we walked in, I spotted them. Moms was wrapped in a blanket, wearing oxygen, leaning over, with her head on pops shoulder. Pops had his eyes closed. Knowing him, he was wide awake, silently praying. He wasn’t a religious man but the idea of losing moms scared the fuck out of him. He didn’t have to say it for me to know. They’d only been together for more than half their lives. Shit, I’d be scared too, praying to a God I didn’t usually pray to too. I did that… with Nova. You see how that turned out for me. I prayed though… prayed like hell that wouldn’t be the case here. Not for another couple of years at least. Again, moms had cancer… I knew she was on borrowed time for real. Just hoped time wouldn’t run out any time soon.
“Hey ma,” I whispered before kissing her on the side of her head.
Her eyelids fluttered opened and she gave me a weak smile. “Cressy.”
Sometimes she called me Cressy.
Sometimes she called me Crescent.
I preferred Cressy. Took me back to my childhood days.
Then, she always called me Cressy. Wasn’t too far off from Crescent but it was something about it that warmed my heart. The only time I was Crescent back then was if I’d done something stupid and she was fussing me out.
