I huffed. “Not this time huh?”
She ran her tongue over her bottom lip and nodded again. “I guess you can say I deserved that. But,” she paused. “That’s... that’s not fair. Don’t be unfair, Crescent.”
I could have been a little nicer. A little lighter. But all this shit didn’t do anything but unbury feelings I kept buried for a reason. I didn't like what today was doing to me. Didn’t like what today had done. What it had taken. What it had brought up. Shit left a nasty feeling in my spirit.
I walked by her and headed to the cabinets for a glass.
She lingered.
“Did you eat? I was thinking about going to grab food. For everyone,” she said, watching me.
I hadn’t eaten.
Hadn’t had anything to drink either.
“Nah. I’m good though.”
I didn’t want anything from Reign. I didn’t want her condolences. I didn’t want her support. None of that. I really just wanted to be left alone.
“You need to eat. I’m going to run to the Jet’s around the corner. I’m going to see if Rah will ride with me to help me with everything. You still like pineapples on your pizza... right?”
“I don’t want no fuckin’ pizza, Reign,” I coldly told her, as I poured 1942 into the scotch glass, hitting the rim.
She was quiet for a second before saying, “I know. I’m still going to get it though. And hopefully you eat it.”
With that, she walked out of the kitchen, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Good.
I went from sitting in the kitchen, to sitting in the living room on the couch, in the middle of Orion and Luna. The kitchen started to feel a little lonely, and I wanted to be around my siblings. Luna sat next to me with her head on my shoulder, steady crying. Orion sat on my other side, staring ahead, like me, while the rest of the people in the room laughed and reminisced about how crazy Niecy was and about how much she would be missed. Pops was upstairs, laying in the spot moms died in. His brothers sat outside of the bedroom, giving him privacy.
After about thirty minutes or so, Reign came back with Rah and about six boxes of pizza. The younger kids and the rest of the family bombarded it while my siblings and I sat on the couch, unmoving. They felt what I felt. I knew it because I could feel it coming off of them. They wanted to be left alone. They wanted the house empty. I understood why the family was here. I understood because I went through the same thing before, with Nova. They were here for support, love, and compassion. And while they did a good job giving that, they also gave off pain. Listening to stories about moms wasn’t comforting. It was a constant reminder of what I lost.
“Here,” said Reign, sitting a plate with two slices of pizza on it, in my lap. Pineapple and cheese...just the way I liked it. But I wasn’t hungry. Didn't have an appetite. Wasn't lying when I said I didn’t want no fuckin’ pizza.
She did the same for Lu and O. Sat pizza in their laps that they didn’t touch.
I didn’t say anything. Turned the glass of 1942 up to my mouth and took a long sip, finishing it. Sitting up, I took the plate out of my lap and sat it on the table before getting up to go to the kitchen to refill my glass. When I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle, Uncle Larry said something to me about it. Joked about me getting drunk as a skunk like he used to. I didn’t say shit. Didn’t laugh. None of that. I didn’t find shit funny.
I knew what he was doing. Trying to lighten the mood. Trying to give me a little bit of the Uncle Larry he always was. But I wasn’t here for it. Didn’t give a fuck about anything. I mean, they were hurting too. Probably damn near as much as us but they were trying to lift our spirits. I didn’t think anything would do that. Not for a long ass minute.
On my way out of the kitchen, Auntie Shanny stopped me. She placed her hand on my chest and said, “Hey nephew...Listen... if you need anything you just let me know. Help with the obituary. Help with the arrangements. You... you just call on me and I’m there. You hear me? Y’all don’t have to go through this alone.”
I nodded, thanked her, and moved around, to head back to the living room. Before I got there, I stopped and looked over my shoulder at them. Taking a deep breath, I sipped from the glass.
“Ay, about how much longer y’all gone be here?”
They were loud, but I was louder and stopped all conversation. They looked between each other before looking back at me.
“We don’t know. You want us to go?” asked Uncle Mo. “If you want us to go, we can leave right after this pizza, nephew,” he sadly said, holding his plate up.
I didn’t say anything; just headed back to the living room where Reign’s eyes immediately centered on me. She was sitting next to Lu at first, trying to get her to eat. When I walked in, her attention shifted and it annoyed me. Fuck was she still here for? I wanted her to go just like I wanted everybody else to go. Rah’s ass included.
He was quiet. Sitting on the other couch, circling the rim of his glass with a pensive stare too. Moms was his favorite auntie. Shit, she was everybody’s favorite auntie. He wasn’t doing anything. No laughter. No reminiscing. None of what the rest of the family was doing, but I still wanted him gone. I just wanted it to be us. Definitely wanted Reign out the mix. She didn’t have a purpose to be here. She didn’t belong here. Didn't matter that moms fucked with her heavy.
“When you leaving?” I asked Reign.
“Stop Cres’,” whispered Luna, laying her head back on my shoulder. “Let her stay. I... I want her to.”
“For what?” I scoffed.
