Fifteen minutes later,I was walking through the door at my parents’ house.
“I’m here pops,” I told him with a nervous swallow. “I’m about to come up.”
“Your momma didn’t wake up. She won’t wake up,” he repeated.
"I know. I’m going to hang up now, alright? I’m walking up the stairs.”
I hung up and gripped the railing, climbing the staircase with a racing heart. Suddenly, I didn't want to do this alone. Suddenly, I felt like a little ass boy who needed his siblings. Felt like I was ten again, nervous about asking momma for something, needing them to back me. I felt like I couldn’t do this without them.
With another nervous swallow, I stopped climbing and called Orion. He answered after the third ring.
“Yeah,” he groggily answered.
“What up bro?” I said with a deep breath. “Uh... Moms... She?—”
“Fuck,” he said in a low tone. “Fuuuuck!”
Tears built behind my eyes with a deep breath. “Yeah. She... pops... I?—”
“I hear you. I’m on my way.”
He hung up and I looked at the phone, staring at it, frozen, unable to make that next call.
The tears building behind my eyes would for sure fall once I called Luna. I just... I just knew it. The pain in my chest told me to let them fall now. But I didn’t. I swallowed them. Swallowed them like I swallowed everything else painful in my life. I tossed my head back at the sound of a gut-wrenching scream coming from my pops. How in the fuck was I supposed to handle this? How was I supposed to be the strong one in the middle of this? A nigga was crumbling. A nigga could barely make it up the stairs. I hadn’t even gotten halfway there. But they wanted me to handle funeral arrangements? Wanted me to help pick clothes and shit out? How in the fuck was I going to do that?
The tears fell before I even got to Luna’s name. Between pops screams and my racing heart, I lost the battle with my emotions. Gripping the railing, I took a deep breath and called Luna. She didn’t pick up the first time. So, I called again.
This time she answered after the first ring.
“WhatCrescent? I have to be up in a couple hours. I have to take Missy to the vet. She was up all night, whining and?—”
“Sorry,” I softly said. “Sorry... uh sis.”
I couldn’t hide it. Couldn’t hold it all together. Couldn't be ‘Crescent’. In that moment I felt like Cressy. The little boy who loved to hear his mother call him by a nickname only she called me by.
“Crescent? Wha—what’s wrong? Please...” She cried. “Please... don’t... Crescent. She... please tell me mommy is?—”
"She uh,” I paused and climbed another step. “She um... She didn’t wake up and?—”
“Noooooooooo,” she cried. “NooooCrescent.Nooooo!”
Shit broke me into a million pieces, listening to the cries that erupted from my big sister. My bottom lip quivered as I tookanother step. My hand trembled, gripping the railing. Felt like I was stepping in quicksand, my feet were so heavy. The walk... so fucking heavy. I didn’t have but about five steps left but my God the walk felt longer.
“I’m at the house. O—O is on his way.”
“Crescent,” she cried. “I can’t... I can't—I can’t move. How am I supposed to drive? Come get me, please.Please Cres.”
I shook my head. “I can’t... Pops. He need me. I’ll call O and see if he can grab you okay, sis?”
“Okay,” she softly said. “Okay.”
Hanging up with her, I got back on the phone with Orion. Before I could say anything, he told me he was on his way to grab Luna. He knew just as much as I knew that she would crumble the worse. Or would she? Felt like shit would flip. Felt like it would be me that took it the hardest. Suddenly, I didn't have that armor. I didn’t have that strength. I couldn’t bury my pain. Shit was on the forefront like a muthafucka. A nigga was fucked up. My momma though? My momma and my fuckin’ daughter? And niggas thought I could handle this just because I’d taken a grave loss already. I couldn’t handle this.
When I made it to the top of the stairs, pops’ cries got louder. If it weren’t for my father’s screams and him needing me, I would have waited for O and Luna on the stairs but… I couldn’t do that. Slowly, I followed the sound of him crying, my feet feeling heavier with every step. It took me a good two minutes to get to the bedroom, when it shouldn't have taken more than thirty seconds. I walked slow on purpose. Took my time because I wasn’t ready to see my mother without life in her. Shit... I didn’t think anybody would ever be ready for anything like that.
Slowly, I pushed the door all the way open. I damn near dropped to my knees at the sight of my father on his, at her bedside, with his head on her chest bawling. I stopped walking, turned around and pinched the bridge of my nose as tearsrushed down my face. Fuck. Moms was gone? What the fuck was life bro? What the fuck was this life? How was I going to get through this shit without my OG? What would the holidays be like? What about her birthday? That was the last one, for real? The last party. What would her siblings say? How would they take it? Shit was about to be real bad around this bitch. Fuck was I supposed to do with my father? He was barely hanging on. I was supposed to be his strength, but I couldn’t even be strong for myself.
“Damn ma,” I mumbled, turning back around, taking her in. She looked peaceful. Like she was sleeping. Except her chest didn’t have the rise and fall I checked for every couple of minutes the last time I was here. They were far and in between then but at least they were there. At least then she had life in her. Now... there was nothing. Just a shell.
