I laughed, shaking my head as I jogged down the stairs. “I never know what I’m doing,” I said. “But I’m doing it anyway. Shit gon fall however it’s going to fall. I’m hoping for the best.”
“Fuck hope—pray.”
“You pray. God ain’t been fucking with me lately,” I jokingly said.
I didn’t want to pray. Prayer got me where I was at. I begged God to help me with my marriage, and I found her throwing it back for another nigga. I was good on prayer. For a while. I felt like God wasn’t listening to me because I was cursed. Had to be. All the shit that’s happened over the past couple of months told me so. I couldn’t catch a break. Felt like any time I went to God, he laughed and said ‘alright nigga, let me give you the opposite of what you’re looking for just to teach your ass a lesson. I’m not fuckin’ with you’. Was a little blasphemous but that’s how I felt.
Today, after I got the key to the condo and picked my new truck up, I was showing it to the kids. All of them. Not just the fantastic four. I was showing Diary too. With them. I was telling them about her. Introducing them. I didn’t know what to expect. Didn’t know how shit would go but I knew it was time. I was done running away from the truth. I was done hiding shit. I just wanted to live life with ease, free from secrets and lies. For real this time.
“I’m always praying for you. How you think they gone take it?”
“I don’t know. I been trying not to think about it, to be honest,” I said as I grabbed something to wear, preparing to shower.
“Yeah… well you know I’m here for as much support as possible,” moms reassured.
I told her I appreciated her and would see her later.
“This is nice dad,”said Aubry, walking around the empty condo. The only thing I got before bringing them was a set of barstools from Walmart and tissue in case either of them had to use the bathroom.
I nodded. “Thanks, Bry. I think so too.”
“We get our own rooms?” she asked, looking around.
“We’ll talk about rooms later,” I said, with my hands in my pockets.
With that, they ran off and I stood in the kitchen area, waiting for them to finish checking the crib out. I paced a little, head swimming with thoughts of this transition. My heart raced every time I thought about my new life. I shook my head, looked up, and took a deep breath. I could do this. I told myself that every day, all day. It was hard though, trying to convince myself about something I wasn’t sure of. I didn’t know if I could do it for real or not.
I was very uncomfortable with my circumstances. Grateful to have found a crib so fast but intimidated by how fast things were moving. And things were moving fast as hell. Tomorrow, DTE and Consumers Energy were switching the services over to my name and I had to pick my Wi-Fi equipment up later. Sometime during the week, I was going shopping. Had to furnish the crib. I had no idea where to start, so moms and Amber were goingwith me. I had a lot of shit to get. Beds, TVs, couches, dishes… everything. I was overwhelmed as hell. Thank God I had moms support.
“Come downstairs for me y’all!” I yelled, standing at the bottom of the stairs once I noticed my ma pull up in front of the condo.
Swallowing, I walked away and stood at the kitchen island. Tossing my head back, I sighed and placed my hands flat on the countertop.
I looked up at the ceiling at the sound of footsteps growing louder.
“No! I want the bedroom with the bigger closet!” Honesty yelled.
“What do you need with a big closet? It’s mine," Aubry shot back.
Neither of them was getting the bedroom with the bigger closet—Diary was. She was moving in with me and since she’d be here the most, she was getting the bigger room with the most space.
“Hey! Hey! Didn’t I say we would talk about rooms later?” I said.
“Okay,” said Honesty with a somber expression on her face.
Aubry leaned on the island. “Alright, daddy. I’m just saying. I need the bigger closet. I have more stuff.”
“You’re not even going to be here, ugly! You're going to school!"
“You heard what I said,” Aubry said, rolling her eyes.
“Nah for real, dead the conversation. I need y’all to listen to me,” I said with a swallow. My heart raced as I thought about what I was getting ready to do.
Gabe sat at the island; arms crossed over his chest. Sparkle was busy running around. Aubry and Honesty gave each otherdirty looks. Before beginning, I walked off and picked Sparkle up to calm her down.
“So,” I said. “I haven’t been completely honest about the divorce.”
“Duh,” mumbled Aubry.
