“Thanks for sharing that with me.” I tell her softly, giving her arm a squeeze. Sharing her experience has made me feel seen by another woman in a way that I desperately needed. For so long I’ve lived with this bitter anger, convinced no one understood or appreciated how difficult it’s been for me. Until now. I had hoped that my resentment would fade away at some point, or that someone would come along who would appreciate and understand me. Then everything would be fine.
The thing is, I found someone who appreciated and tried to understand, but it didn’t go away. Instead, I pushed him away with the full force of all my unresolved issues. I can’t keep living my life this way. Joslyn’s right. I’m hurting the people I love. Liam. Walker. Even Kenji sometimes.
I’ve been so busy telling everyone else to grow up and deal with their issues when I should have been telling myself the same thing. Today has clearly shown me it’s time for me to do the work on myself that I’ve been asking others to do. I wince because being a hypocrite isn’t something I’m proud of. Time to fix it.
“I think I might like to talk to someone, Jos. If you don’t mind sharing her info.” I tell her with a voice stronger than I knew it could be.
Joslyn’s smile is so bright it could light up a room. She immediately stops, digging through her purse for the requested information. After handing me a business card, she pulls me in for the sweetest, tightest mom hug ever. It’s wonderful. My chest loosens, and I can breathe freely again.
Maybe seeing this therapist will help me get more clarity about Liam as well. I wonder how soon I can get an appointment. Now that I’ve made up my mind about taking action, I’m impatient to get started.
This friendship group is turning out to be exactly what I needed all along.
Liam
Liam:Hey Mad girl. Got time to talk soon?
There it is. I finally sent it. Sure, it’s taken me two weeks to work up the courage, but it happened. I extended an olive branch, and now it’s her turn to respond.
Maddie:…
I watch the dots appear, then disappear, then reappear again. And then nothing. Nothing for the next 30 minutes as I stare at my phone. It’s maddening, and if I keep doing it, I’m going to drive myself to drink from sheer anxiety. I force myself to leave my phone on the counter and walk away as I tell myself it’s perfectly fine if she takes her time answering.
After pacing the room for another twenty minutes, Walker tosses his Xbox controller onto the table with a loud bang before turning to me.
“Okay, man. Go get changed, we’re going for a run. I can’t stand watching you stress for another minute.”
I flip him off, but I head to my room to grab my running shoes, anyway. I’ll try anything to get my mind off waiting for her text.
Our run is uneventful except for expending nervous energy. When we return, I’m still stressed, but I feel a bit more hopeful, and when my phone lights up with a text notification, I can’t help but smile. Until I see that it’s from Damon, and that Walker also got the same message.
It’s an invitation for dinner tonight after the game. Apparently, Joslyn’s son plays for Philly, and they want to do a big dinner with some of the team. I’m always down to eat expensive steak on someone else’s dime, so I agree immediately.
“You in?” I ask Walker.
“Free food. Hells yeah!” he says. “Damn, her son is Sebastian Robertson.”
Holy shit! Her kid’s a phenom. He was a first-round draft pick a few years ago. Not sure how I didn’t see the connection before. The red hair alone should have tipped me off. We’ve been watching tape on the kid for the last couple of days in anticipation of this game. Well, at least the dinner will be interesting, even if I still haven’t heard from my Mad girl.
The game against the Philadelphia Panthers is exactly what I thought it would be. A battle on all fronts. They’re an extremely physical team that likes to skirt the line on their hits, and one of their defensemen in known more for his time in the penalty box than his skill on the ice. In the past, they’ve been a team that’sheavy on defense but light on speed and agility. That all seems to have changed when they drafted Joslyn’s son. Sebastian’s giving Camps a run for his money, and I thought his speed was incredible. Nope, Sebastian had him beat on several shifts. I’m sure the announcers are having a field day with that knowledge.
I’m so proud of Camps though, it looks like he’s taken Sebastian’s speedas a personal challenge. I’ve never seen a more determined look on that kid’s face, and after everything that’s happened, I couldn’t be more thrilled. Going into the third period, we’re tied at 1-1. Reedsy’s been a brick wall in net tonight and, honestly, he’s the reason we’re tied right now. Sebastian Robertson is everything I was concerned he would be and more. His last shot on goal was clocked at 95 mph. I could hear Reedsy’s painful grunt from across the ice.
It would be intimidating if I hadn’t noticed that his teammates seem to dislike him. Some of them rather intensely. They’ve spent more time chirpping him than us. Not that I mind, they’re a bunch of assholes anyway and I’m happy not to be the recipient. It strikes me as weird, or maybe I’m just more aware of malicious behavior among teammates. My gut is telling me all isn’t well on that team.
Which ends up being the chance we need late in the period. Philly’s front line is so busy keeping the puck away from Sebastian that they make it easy for Orly to strip it, giving us possession. Our shift is ending, and I’m close to the blue line, but I don’t head for the bench. Instead, I double back from their defenseman, giving Orly a chance to pass. We seem to catch Philly off-guard, and miraculously there’s a lane open. Muscle memory kicks in, and I’m moving before I even realize it. I see Burnsy out of the corner of my eye, and he’s keeping pace, which is good because he’s got fresh legs. I’m only a few feet into their zone when I see an opportunity, and I take the shot.
The goalie deflects, but Burnsy grabs the rebound and shoots again before the goalie can get back in position. The lamp lights, and with only a minute thirty left to play, it’s up to our defense.
It’s a tense 90 seconds, but even though they pull their goalie, we still manage to keep them from scoring, and the game is ours. The thunderous roar of the crowd is loud as hell, and we fucking love it. It’s been a while since we’ve had a full arena, much less something to cheer about. They bring out the stars of the game. Reedsy, of course, is the first. Camps is second and Burnsy is last. The best thing is that most of the crowd stays until the end and Burnsy gets some long-deserved applause of his own.
Coach Quinn is even sporting a smile as we head to the locker room for our post-game routines. I need to hit the bike for a bit before I can shower, so I head off to the training room after I get my gear off. Walker’s apparently got the same idea, so we walk to the training room together.
“Hey, so, I think Maddie’s gonna be at this dinner tonight. She texted me to ask what to wear earlier. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to get all stressed right before the game.” He says, wincing at the irritation on my face.
“I would have appreciated knowing that earlier so I didn’t stress through the entire game. Jeez, it’s like you don’t even know me.”
“Yeah, Uh, I also sort of forgot, so... yeah sorry.” He shrugs apologetically before climbing onto the bike next to mine. I sigh. It’s not his fault that she didn’t text me back.
