“Of course.” With minimal threats or virtual yelling, in order to increase the chances of his response. So far nothing. “I’ll probably just figure out if he’s still living in the same place and go over there. I need to talk to him somehow, even if I have to break down his door.”
“I would not recommend breaking down any doors.” It’s India, whose head pokes into the room followed by the rest of her. She crosses to the bed and slumps down at the foot of it before flopping onto her back and staring at the ceiling. “Do you guys want to get dim sum for dinner?”
“Yes,” Jules says emphatically, and I nod.
“That sounds amazing,” I agree. “And let’s call Poppy. I haven’t seen her in a while.”
“I haven’t either,” India says. “Cy says she’s been doing a lot of school stuff lately to finish up her program.”
“Well, let’s do one last dinner,” I say with a sigh. “Before I go broke and can’t afford to eat anything but ramen.”
“We’ll be your sugar mamas,” Juliet says, and I laugh, my mood lifting slightly.
“You’ll take care of me in my old age?”
“We will,” she says, and India laughs too.
“We’ll pass you back and forth when you get difficult,” Indy says. “You can be the crotchety old aunt.”
I don’t know if I should be touched that they’d take me in or hurt that they think they’d need to. I can’t blame them; I haven’t shown any inclinations toward matrimony, which means children are probably out of the picture for now too.
“You look like a crotchety aunt right now,” Jules says, but her voice isn’t teasing; it’s sympathetic.
When I take stock of my face, I realize she’s right. My brief levity has vanished, and a gloomy, grouchy expression has settled over my features as I stare at my computer screen, my eyes on theAutopaybutton that’s taunting me.
“I’m going to do it,” I say in an unmistakably glum voice. “I’m going to make my first payment.”
“You could wait until Monday,” Juliet says, but the words are halfhearted. “Since it probably won’t go through on the weekend anyway.”
She knows as well as the rest of us that I don’t want to wait. “I need to get it over with,” I say. “Rip the Bandaid off.”
“Boo,” she says, and India sighs.
“Are you doing it right now?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.” I hear a shuffle of blankets and then she and Jules come to me, wrapping their arms around me and resting their heads on my shoulders. “We’re ready,” India goes on.
I don’t feel likeI’mready. But I don’t see how I’d ever be ready for something like this. So I close my eyes, take a deep breath…
And then I click the button. A virtually silent motion that somehow echoes like the slamming of a door.
“Hello, more debt,” Juliet says in a sad little voice as the payment confirmation pops up on the screen.
“Hello, more debt,” I repeat dully. “Hello, worse debt-to-income ratio.”
We’re silent for a moment, and then I feel some sort of motion—India nudging Juliet, I think, after which Jules begins to chant.
“Dim sum! Dim sum! Dim sum!”
India joins her until I’m surrounded by a chorus ofdim sum, dim sum, dim sumechoing in my ears, and both of my sisters’ faces are obnoxiously close to mine, waiting for me to smile. I hold it in as long as I can, just on principle, until finally it breaks free.
“Fine,” I say with a tired laugh, banishing my anger for the time being. I’ll get in touch with Tyler no matter what, but right now he’s not answering, and I’m hungry. “Dim sum.”
They jump up and cheer, more exaggerated than normal, but I’m grateful anyway. I’m grateful for the distraction, for the little balloons they’re tying to the sinking feeling settling in my chest. I’m grateful for the knowledge that theywouldtake me in if I had nowhere to go.
I’ll never let that happen, of course. If anyone takes care of anyone, I’ll take care of them.
