“You would be surprised at how unwilling people are to put me in my place,” he said, ducking his head. “I suppose that is the side effect of my job. No one wants to look at the man who’s doing an assessment and tell him he’s being an asshole.”
“It’s not like I thought you were going to take it well...you just pissed me off.”
“And it was very righteous and indignant. I never considered that someone in your position, especially someone who had already shown signs of being nervous about their job, would be willing to turn around and yell at me. But you did, and it was, in fact, just what I needed.”
I snorted. “Yeah, you did.”
He snorted, spinning the wheel on the mouse. “Over time, there’s doubt about the amenities and options available, but in the end I find myself admitting that ‘Although these options may not be useful for me...no, perhaps they are useful for me. My time here has created an unusual situation where my mood and my body have never been in a better place. It is no replacement for actual treatment, at least in my case, but even I can see their attempts at holistic medicine, while incorporating more traditional Western treatments where available, are not without merit. It may not be for everyone, but perhaps there is something to this place after all.’”
I shook my head. “How gracious of you.”
“And here, the part I thought of when you were...talking to me,” he said with a curl of his lips. He hesitated before reading aloud, “‘I may have eventually warmed up to Arete and its methods, although I still maintain that it may not be a one-size-fits-all. It is Luka I have come to regret, or rather, I regret my initial, unfair assessment of him and his capabilities. Even if it weren’t for the fact that I find myself growing to care for him more with every passing day, I would be doing a disservice to his abilities and, subsequently, the capabilities of Arete and its staff. On a personal note, I?—”
He stopped, and I stared at him. “What? Is it that bad?”
He took a deep breath. “‘On a personal note, I grow tired of this subterfuge. I knew I would despise coming here under false pretenses, but never did I expect to meet someone who would become so important to me that hiding the truth wouldbe painful. Love is not on the table where honesty and trust cannot be found, but perhaps after my admittedly surprisingly positive experience at Arete, I can only hope that those two things can return to the table, and perhaps...’ And that is where it stops.”
My heart beat furiously. “I...what were you going to say?”
“That perhaps once those things returned to the table, love could also find a seat,” he answered with unflinching honesty. “You will be the inspiration for the glowing review I give this place. Not just because of what you’ve come to mean to me, but because you are the main connection I had to this place the whole way through. It is through you and other Guides that this place can and should be judged. Reggie and Marc have built a well-crafted system, built not just with sense and intention, but with love and care, and you are the best example of why it works.”
I bowed my head so he wouldn’t see my eyes prickling. “You’re an asshole.”
“I know,” he said with a sigh. “And I deserve that, among other things. But I wanted you to know.”
I could hear him moving, and I realized he was leaving. I would be well within my rights to let him walk out; he had hidden things from me, lied to me about who he was and why he was here. In the end, I hadn’t really been assigned to someone who needed?—
“Wait,” I said, raising my head as he reached the door. “Take everything else out of the equation for a moment...did I help? Help you, that is.”
He looked surprised, and then gave me a small, hesitant smile. “You have in ways I still haven’t fully processed. I am who I am, and that won’t change. But I’ve come to appreciate when others aren’t as rigid or as blunt as I am. I feel this place is able to work, and can manage its miracles because of people like you.And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth before, but I’m mostly sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t good enough to be here.”
Damn him, damn him straight to hell.
I was on my feet and holding my hand against the door frame to block him from leaving. “I’m still mad at you.”
He leaned back, nodding, but I thought I saw hope in his eyes. “I know.”
“And I’m not forgiving you for lying to me,” I told him, even though I could already feel myself slipping toward forgiveness. I wish I could claim it was because he’d made a good point, that it really hadn’t been his intention to deceive me, or anyone, for that matter, out of malicious intent. No, it was how upfront he was being, laying himself bare in a way he hadn’t done before, and the fact that he was looking at me with a barely concealed desperate hope.
“And from this point forward, you will get nothing but the truth from me,” he said, his fingers twitching at his side.
“Good,” I told him, reaching out and taking his hand. “I reserve the right to bitch you out a few times about this. Maybe even be petty.”
“You wouldn’t be you if you weren’t good at keeping me on my toes,” he said with a chuckle so full of fondness that I knew I was lost. My anger wasn’t going to disappear magically, and neither would my cracked trust, but...I believed him. “And thank you.”
“For what?” I asked in confusion.
“Believing in me,” he said, looking down at our hands. “You refused to back down when suspicion was aimed at me, and from the mood Reggie was in, even with everything going on, I suspect you were still standing up for me. And...I promise you that when I leave here, I’ll...begin looking into alternatives tomy pills. I won’t promise they’re going to disappear overnight. I need something to control the pain.”
Jesus, he really had listened to me and was giving weight to my words.
“Good,” I said, pushing in closer to him. “And if you’ll let me, I’ll do what I can to help with that.”
“Then...?” he asked, and the barely concealed hope became pure hope.
“Then we’ll see,” I said, tilting my head and making him close the last inch or so between us to kiss me. “You’re on probation.”
“Don’t I have to be arrested before that?”
