I should have been her daddy.
I lean in towards her and start to stoke her hair with my hand. A smile creeps across her tired little face.
“It’s complicated.” I manage out in a whisper.
“Maybe, but my mom deserves to be happy,” Ellie sighs out before closing her eyes, leaning her head into my hand. I let out a sigh.
She’s right, her mama deserves the world.
And I sure as shit want to give it to her alongside this beautiful little girl that my heart’s slowly attaching itself too.
“I agree, little lady.” I smile down at her, wondering how she ended up with a wise head on such little shoulders.
****
Walking back out of the main house and towards the firepit, my mind racing with what Ellie said to me moments ago.
It baffles me that somehow that little girl knew there’s something between me and her mom and she wasn’t afraid to say it. She’s not afraid of me coming into her life.
It’s like she’s willing for it to happen.
I see the fire burning in front of me as I walk towards it, still breathless from the experience I shared with the mini-Mabel that I’d always dreamed about. I hear a guitarstill being played, however no singing.
Reaching the group, Colter, Jake, Hope and Luke welcome me back. Iris sound asleep on Colters lap, and I smirk at the pair of them; our parents no longer around the fire.
I move my eyes between them all looking for my girl. My body must be betraying me because I catch Hope watching me with her big brown eyes.
Panic sets in when Mabel’s nowhere to be seen. I watch Hope nudge Colter, who looks up from a sleeping Iris to me.
“She’s not here, buddy,” he says, leaning back into both of his arms.
Jake looks up from the strings that he’s playing and into my direction.
My eyes narrow in confusion. “She does this every year...” Jake starts, leaning his body weight into his guitar and I shift my stance, my breathing becoming rapid once again.
“She takes Dusty...” Hope starts to speak, but then it clicks in my head where she would’ve gone, where she continues to go every year, even though I was gone.
Nothing’s changed.
She still goes.
I look back at my best friend and her brother. “Can I borrow a horse?” I ask, knowing full well I’m going to take one regardless of the answer.
Colter smirks underneath his hat.
“Go get her, Cowboy,” he says with a nod. “Just don’t touch, Stallion,” I hear Colter shout a warning behind me, but I’m no longer listening to reason.
I’ll ride that motherfucker just to get to her.
I’ll ride the wildest horse just to make sure she’s safe.
And then, I turn, faster than lightening, bolting towards the barn.
I fucking run.
Faster than I ever remember doing.
Faster thanI probably ever would.
