“If I am still alive in August...” she led.
Mr Darcy was silent for a long moment, but she did not turn to look at him. “If you are alive, I shall say I met you in Portsmouth when I returned and we married there by licence. Your sister, the one who married the navy captain, was recently there . . .” She heard a rustle. He must have raked a hand through his hair. “It is not ideal, but that you were visiting her and we met at a public ball and then married quickly is plausible enough. We can say to my friends that we then took a house near your mother for the summer.”
“Maybe I will die before the end of July rather than by the end of September, and you need not be put in a difficult situation with your friends.”
“Is that what you think of me? That I want you to die for my own convenience?”
She heard him stand, and she heard the anger in his voice.She had not meant to remind him of his heartache over his nephew. “No, truly, I do not.” She turned and saw the misery on his face. “Oh, I am sorry, Mr Darcy. If I do not laugh and tease, if I am more satirical than you deserve...” There was no excuse to be so flippant or pert that she was unkind. “I am sorry. You did not deserve that. I am trying to cope ... I could die at any moment. I may fall asleep and never wake up.”
His expression softened, and he took a few steps toward her and stretched out his hands. She instinctively rose and took them. “I am sorry. I am exceedingly sorry.”
He was apologising for more than an incorrect assumption, but her heart ailment was not his fault. “And I am sorry for being too severe.”Their hands were still linked. “Thank you for letting me stay in my own neighbourhood. You must wish to return to your friends.”
“I meant what I said after Sir William left. I am not unhappy.”
He looked as though he meant it, although he could not behappywith his sister dead and being kept away from those who loved him best. Mr Darcy did not love her, but he esteemed her enough to want to make her final days happier, to allow her to stay amongst her own people in whatever comfort he could provide. “And I meant it when I told you that I think you are a good man.”
They were still holding hands, and she enjoyed the warmth of his fingers clasping hers when their eyes met. There was a tenderness there, a fondness, even, that made her smile. He returned her smile softly, and she tightened her grip on his hands. Mr Darcy widened his smile and took a small step closer before he blinked and dropped her hands, clearing his throat before looking out the window.
Elizabeth smoothed her hair and pretended to look through the sheet music while she calmed her breath.It might have been pleasant to feel Mr Darcy’s arms around me.She had never before wanted a place in Mr Darcy’s affections, so she had no right to feel any disappointment that he stepped away.
“Who did Miss Lucas bring with her to call?” Her husband’s voice did not quite sound like his own.
“Mrs Sophia Beverly. She married in January and lost her mother, Mrs Baker, last month. Few cared for the mother—she was an ill-tempered woman—but I like her daughter. She needs something to do other than tend to her poultry, and she thought the two bereaved, newly married ladies might condole one another. Before she left, she mentioned charities for the poor in the village of Longbourn, and Meryton, as well. She wishes to be of aid but knows not where to begin.”
“Mrs Darcy shall instruct on how this Mrs Beverly can be Lady Bountiful?” His tone was a mixture of pride and amusement.
“I cannot help as much as she, or Mary, or Lady Lucas, but I admire her sentiment. Mr Beverly has a thousand pounds a year, and his new wife has a generous nature.”
“I suppose, as a daughter of the principal landowner, you expectedthat once you married you would be in a position to improve the greater good.” Mr Darcy was now seated, and she felt composed enough to look him in the eye.
“I never expected to be mistress of a grand estate. Few wealthy gentlemen are willing to overlook my lack of fortune.”Or my independent nature.“However, Mary does not do as much as she could and ought. Perhaps I can advise Mrs Beverly on how to do some good. She mentioned having done little other than giving worsted stockings, shifts, and shawls since she married. That is all I can do myself, but with direction I know she would do more in the village.”
“You must do whatever you feel is necessary. Only tell me how much?—”
“I will not impoverish us—you. I can direct Mrs Beverly’s efforts with the village school. Besides, I have no time to make any meaningful impact in the neighbourhood. I will be dead by Michaelmas. My personal generosity must be limited, but my influence will go further by aiding and advising Mrs Beverly.”
“Mrs Darcy, you are a liberal woman. I think that if you had only a shilling in the world, you would be very likely to give away a sixpence of it.”
He was looking at her with an approval that made her blush. Mr Darcy then nodded and said he was walking to Meryton.
“But you must be tired; you returned from a ride an hour ago. Can you not send the kitchen boy on the errand?”
“I do not mind the exercise. Can I do anything for you?”
She hesitated. “I wish to write to Jane, and my aunt... I could use a quire of paper.”
He stopped at the door and looked back at her. “Why are you bashful?”
“Paper is expensive and?—”
“Say no more. I will buy the paper, and you must not hesitate to ask for whatever you need. In fact, you ought to reconsider your refusal of pin money. For the present, go into my study and take a few sheets for your own. Moreover, you may write at my desk whenever I am gone from home.”
He left before she could argue him out of his opinion that she take ashilling from him. Elizabeth went into Mr Darcy’s small study at the back of the house. It had a window that overlooked the blooming garden along with a desk and a comfortable-looking chair near the fireplace. The four bookshelves were entirely filled.
She opened his writing box to take a few sheets, and then decided to write her letters there. It was a pleasant space, and it hurt her heart less to use Mr Darcy’s desk than to use Georgiana’s writing table. His paper was bright white and hot pressed. When she had finished writing to Jane and using the sander, she noticed the letters and bills that were neatly stacked on his desk.
The first authorised £49.19s.2d paid for work and materials to a tenant’s house and also supplying firewood from an estate.That is a substantial sum.The second concluded with “If John Bond begins to find himself growing old, I give leave for a man to be hired to supply his place as to labour, and John himself is to have care of the sheep.” Another letter conveyed specific questions about pigs and hay, Alderney cows, and the getting in of barley.
