“This is from Mr Jones, in regard to my heart. You have the unfortunate distinction of having witnessed my paroxysms of heart pain, and Mr Jones is certain they will continue and that no rest or remedy is available.” Her lip quivered and she blinked twice before taking a deep breath. “Mr Darcy, I will be dead by the end of the summer.”
In spite of her wilfulness and bizarre question, he was not insensible to her pain and distress. “Is it certain?”
“I have long suspected something was wrong, and you know that a physician often knows no more than a village apothecary. My father died of the same ailment, and Mr Jones has examined me. You have seen how intense, how painful, how sudden these paroxysms are. There is no denying they have been intensifying and will continue to do so until they carry me off just as they did my father.”
Having seen what she suffered, to learn that it would ultimately kill her did not surprise him. “I am exceedingly sorry,” he said softly, and Darcy meant it truly. Miss Bennet struggled for the appearance of composure before quietly thanking him. He handed her the letter from the apothecary and asked, “Why would you wish to marry a stranger in the time left to you?” Had her heart ailment addled her mind?
“When my father died—” She hung her head and blinked. “He did not lay by an annual sum for the provision of his children. I am a poordependent left to the charity of uncles and brothers-in-law, with only a thousand pounds on the death of my mother, and she will outlive me.”
As she pronounced these words, Darcy felt himself change colour. To be desired for his wealth had always been an insulting plague on his happiness. He had been shamelessly pursued for his fortune by all manner of women since he reached his majority, but he had not thought anyone would set their cap on him while living a secret, retired life. “You wish to be preserved from want!”
“No, not from want, fromtedium. Preserved from anonymity and obscurity! I do not wish to be absorbed into a life ruled by my sisters’ domesticity and my nephews’ care.”
“You believe that marriage is the only end and aim to a woman’s life? It may be the only way women have to raise themselves in the world, but I had never thoughtyoumercenary. You are desperate to raise your status before you die, and you see me as the means by which to do it!”
“I hardly think a gentleman who leases a four-bedroom cottage and who does not keep a carriage is so high aboveme, Mr Darcy.” He exhaled loudly, but Miss Bennet spared him from speaking out of turn. “How many believe a woman’s purpose is to increase and multiply? If a man has no need of a wife or heir, a poor unmarried woman is a pitiable object. I do not want to be pitied or begrudged by everyone for the remainder of my short life.”
He caught her words with more surprise than resentment. He did pity her situation but could not tell her so now. “Surely your family would not continue to begrudge you small comforts, given your fatal condition?”
“I have not told them, and I do not intend to, and you insult me by presuming I am thinking of new gowns or trinkets. Girls are taught to seem and appear, not to think and do. I want a little dignity and independence before I die.”
“What could you think and do as Mrs Darcy that you could not do as Miss Bennet?”
She was silent for a long moment. “I will love and care for your sister as long as I am able. That might, in fact, be the greatest blessing bestowed upon me. You are more her father than brother, and I can dofor Georgiana what you cannot: be a friend, confidante, nurse. She and I both need not be lonely.”
Darcy’s astonishment was beyond expression. She admired his sister so much that she wished to devote herself to her comfort before she herself died? It was still a damned foolish reason to marryhim. “When a man of sense comes to marry, it is a companion he wants, one to comfort and counsel him, to soothe his sorrows and educate his children, not a nurse for his wasting sister. We argue more often than we agree, and I suspect you might be the last woman to make me happy.”
“But I can make Georgiana happy, and Mr Jones said she ought to be kept cheerful. I can be your helpmeet and friend, and when I am dead, you can pretend to mourn me for as long as you need to avoid your family’s demands to marry a cousin you do not like.”
Darcy crossed the room to lean against the mantelpiece; he needed more distance between them. “Why do you propose to marryme? Why not approach a bachelor in the neighbourhood, some longstanding friend? As his wife, you could be free from Longbourn to come here and see my sister as often as you pleased.”
“Oh yes, such a man often comes my way! The eldest sons of men of fortune fall at my feet. They are always the particular friend of my nearest relations and belonging to my own county.” Her expression darkened. “And that man would be certain to not oppress me and would allow me to be with your sister, who has an uncertain reputation, whenever I please, rather than always tend to his home and needs.”
His face must have expressed the incredulity he felt, and she continued, although Darcy was not at all certain that he wanted her to. “Youare a good sort of man. Georgiana confessed the Ramsgate affair, all of it.”
He felt cold, and his vision blurred as he fell into a seat near the fireplace.All of my careful planning, and Georgiana confessed her ruin.He was unsure if it was fury or fear now choking him. “You cannot tell another human be?—”
“There is no one upon whose secrecy you could depend more.”
He rubbed his hands over his eyes and heaved a weary sigh. “I shall have to trust that, little though I like it.” If Miss Bennet knew thetruth about Georgiana’s child, what if she, with her keen powers of observation, was able to sense his crushing guilt over the dead baby? “You still have not answered why you wish to marryme.”
“You sacrificed every connexion to protect your sister’s reputation. You stayed with her rather than abandon her. Your sister is dependent on you, and you give her the protection and favour a child of the same parents has equal right to, despite her choices and what happened. You see Georgiana as your deserving family, not as a fallen woman no longer worthy of your regard. My own family can scarcely tolerate—” She shook her head and began again. “Few men would do the same for a woman in Georgiana’s situation. It speaks to your integrity and honour, and that is why I am not afraid to place myself under your protection until I die.”
“You are this deeply attached to Georgiana?”No, I ought not to continue this conversation.This was madness. But as his wife, she would never be so foolish to damage her new reputation as Mrs Darcy and discuss the Ramsgate affair. “I do not love you, and I am not the sort to fall in?—”
“I have not fallen in love with you!” The vehemence of her reply struck him more than it ought to have. “I do not expect, or desire, you to love me.”
“I would have thought an independent and spirited woman such as yourself would prefer to be an old maid than an unloved wife.”
“I will never be old, so I may as well try being a wife.”
Miss Bennet certainly had something of quickness. She had a disposition to converse and be cheerful. If they were not quarrelling, their conversations could be stimulating and diverting. “You would marry me in order to live here and be near to my sister, to love her as your own sisters?”
“Yes. I admire her.” She sat near to him and spoke in earnest. “She is sincere, modest, good-natured. In a way, she reminds me of my eldest sister. Georgiana has a noble bearing in the face of great trials, and I respect her for it. Her grace amid her suffering gives me strength, and I want to be more like her as I face my own death. If I can be of use to her before I die, then it would be time well spent.”
Darcy gazed at her, lost in thought. A wife in the house to be friendto his sister and improve Georgiana’s quality of life; someone to manage the servants properly and mitigate rumours. Miss Bennet still had a degree of respectability in this neighbourhood, and despite being poor and with poor connexions, she was popular. She was not long for this world, and she wanted to die having done a service to a friend.
He continued to stare while Miss Bennet turned pink.I have taken leave of my senses to consider this.
