Fitzwilliam threw up his hands. “So what if she has neither fortune nor consequence? You have enough for the both of you. That would be nothing if you really loved her.”
“I have already overcome those concerns, I assure you, but it does not matter because she does not like me. The first time I met her, I insulted her. I called her not handsome enough for me to dance with, and my manners after that did not impress her either.”
Fitzwilliam’s face fell, and he shook his head, saying, “You do tend to behave poorly amongst strangers.”
“So I have learnt,” he said drily. “Miss Elizabeth thought me selfish and ungentlemanly, and that was before I tried to keep her sister from Bingley.”
“But all of that is behind you now, and from the way you describe her, she does not seem of the temper to hold a grudge.”
It might be behind them, as was her misplaced trust in Wickham, but she did not admire him. She made her opinion quite plain. How much longer would this heartache linger? “Leave it,” he pleaded. “The woman who has entirely bewitchedme does not even respect me, and the woman I felt an attraction to has forsaken me.”
Fitzwilliam nodded, although his sympathetic look lingered, and Darcy sought to distract him and shift the attention away from his own heartache. “Does your father still want you for Lord Stewart’s daughter?” he teased.
“I will marry that woman the day you meet Anne de Bourgh at the altar.”
Darcy shuddered, and his cousin laughed. “I would rather be a bachelor for the rest of my days if Anne is my only option.”
Fitzwilliam waved the subscription list. “She is far from the only option!”
He smiled but shook his head. “I am still in love with Elizabeth Bennet, although she dislikes me immensely, so I ought not to pursue anyone at present. I put too heavy a burden on L, and perhaps she felt distressed by my eagerness. Until my feelings for Miss Elizabeth are driven away, I ought to leave the matchmaking to you.”
“In that case, I hope you forget her soon. But if Mrs Sullivan befriends her and your friend marries her sister, you will have a difficult winter ahead of you.”
“Now that I know she has no good opinion of me, it shan’t be as hard as I previously thought.” At least, he hoped that would be true.
Fitzwilliam rose and clapped him on the shoulder, saying he would see him at the ball, and left. Darcy went to his writing box and organised his supplies. He would be gracious in his short reply to L. If L wanted to continue to write in friendship, he could occasionally do that to make her happy, but he would be more reserved and less timely in his replies than he had been.
He would have to be equally reserved with Elizabeth, but that would be difficult, as their paths would now cross often. Elizabeth regretted her mistaken judgment. He saw it in her faceat the park, but just as there was no future with L, there was no future happiness to be had with Elizabeth Bennet either.
Wednesday,February 12, 11 o’clock in the morning
My dear friend,
Your letter yesterday made me happy, it will surprise you to know. I feared you had met with some misfortune, although I will admit that it was a selfish fear. It was less painful to imagine something had prevented your meeting me rather than acknowledge you chose not to meet me after all.
You wrote you thought my good opinion was lost forever, and I think that if I had not been recently reminded of what it means to act in a gentlemanlike manner, I would have read your letter but never replied, and forgotten you. But I am aware of how little yielding my temper is and am taking pains to improve it. I feel I can be honest in these pages and say that I was disappointed you did not appear in The Green Park. However, I do not fault you for it. Nor do I resent you or wish you ill.
I was too hasty in asking for a meeting, and perhaps it is good that you did not appear. You cannot believe that I would have rejected you on sight, but I will not blame you for regretting to agree to my impulsive request. The frequency and intimacy of our correspondence must wane, but I leave what happens next entirely in your hands.
Should you reply, do not fear my addressing you in the language of love. I will merely be your friend, and I swear never to address you but in the language of friendship.
Since we are both writing for the sake of others, to either appease them or show them another option for matrimony,if you wish to continue writing in friendship, although less frequently than we once did, I will remain,
Your sincere friend,
F
It was a more gracious letter than Elizabeth expected to receive, and it was further proof that Darcy was no longer the selfish man she assumed he was. Bingley was downstairs now visiting with Jane, and Elizabeth was certain a proposal would ensue in the coming days. She would therefore meet often with Darcy for the rest of her life, and it would always remind her that she had allowed a first impression to blind her to the good qualities of a man who must now hate her.
A man who, in disposition and talents, would most suit her.
The door opened, and Jane entered. “You did not join us in the drawing room.”
“That was to save you the trouble of sending me away so Bingley could talk with you alone.”
Jane shook her head. “My aunt was with us.”
“And did she stay the entire time?”
