She gave a tight nod. “I will be. And I will wish for your strength and company every moment. But there was little you could do for me then too, although not for a want of trying or a want of spirit.” Elizabeth gave him a beseeching look. “If I can let Markle take me to lead the officers to him, to save Kirby, to protect your sister, to keep us safe, I must try.”
She was resolved, and as much as it hurt to put her in harm’s way, he admired her bravery, her strength of mind, her boldness. “Good heavens, your family will absolutely hate me when they find out, Elizabeth,” he said, falling into the sofa.
“That is why we won’t tell them. Besides, it is my idea, and short of kidnapping me yourself, you cannot stop me.”
“You jest, but I am sorely tempted.”
She sat by him and put a consoling hand on his arm. He wanted her to put her arms around him instead. “My doing this is the best choice of a poor selection.”
He agreed, resigned to the whole affair. He leant back in his seat, looking at the ceiling. “I will get Kirby out of London tomorrow, and then go to the Excise Office on Broad Street and tell them what we plan so they are ready for whenever…”
He did not want to say the words “whenever that hateful, violent man kidnaps you.” This could all end in disaster. He looked at her beautifully expressive face, full of determination, and knew that he had to tell her he was in love with her and still wanted to marry her in case he never got another chance.
Chapter Eighteen
Darcy looked at her so sadly that Elizabeth knew he hated everything about this plan, even though he recognised that it was their best choice. She was not about to allow Kirby or Miss Darcy to be harmed, not if she could prevent it. She wanted to rest her head against Darcy for longer, but the Gardiners would make it an early evening to check on her.
She rose. “I should go before I miss my chance to return unnoticed.”
To her surprise, Darcy leapt to his feet. “No, if we are resolved to do this, if I am to risk you?—”
“I am risking myself.”
“Yes,” he said, giving her a pained look. “Regardless, you are risking your life, and if anything happened to you, I want nothing left unsaid between us.”
She had come here for precisely that conversation, but matters were more complicated than she had known. “Darcy, we can talk when this is all over.”
“I told you in Dartford that you should give me my name when we are alone.”
Did he have any idea how much he captivated her heart when he said things like that? “Even after I foolishly said I neededassurances you would never hurt me the way you supposedly hurt Wickham?”
“I am sorry I misconstrued what you really needed from me. You only wanted the truth; you were not casting aspersions on my character.” After looking into her face for a long moment, he added, “And I am sorry that the truth about your friend pained you.”
Elizabeth scoffed. “It is only painful to be convinced that one whom I thought was my friend is unworthy of my confidence.”
“I assure you, I have not spoken of him as severely as he deserves,” Darcy said darkly. “What did he say to you? That I denied him the living out of jealousy and gave him nothing for it?”
“And that you accused him of forfeiting all claim to the living by his extravagance and imprudence.” She felt the burning shame across her cheeks. “I should have suspected earlier that he was an unscrupulous liar, especially after I knew what type of man you really are.”
“Mr Wickham is a consummate scoundrel, and has been from his earliest days.”
“Your narrative of your history with the man made that clear.”
“My father promised the late Mr Wickham to provide for his son. It was a debt of gratitude tohimfor his devoted care of the Pemberley properties, rather than excessive affection for the son. My father was fond of him, certainly, but never in a way that made me jealous.”
She felt her heart wrenching all over again. “You must have felt so hurt when you believed that I still thought you had wronged him.” Darcy opened his mouth, but she said, “And you deserved better, because what I feel for you is not some mere romantic flight. I love you dearly, and so I should have trusted you without having to hear what happened.”
“Any sensible woman would want to be certain that the man she wants to—” He stopped and seemed to gather his thoughts. It struck her that Darcy would not assume she wanted to marry him. “Well, you thought me devoid of every proper feeling.”
“But not by the time we were in Dartford,” she cried. She might as well have said, “Not by the time we shared a bed.”
“Suspicion is not in your nature. I could not see it at the time, but why would you have assumed that you had been lied to?”
Elizabeth lifted her eyes to blink away a few tears of shame. “I should have done better.”
“A sentiment by which I live my life.”
It was said wryly, but she saw that he felt the truth of it. “You are too hard on yourself. I am sorry I hurt you that morning.”
