He shook his head. “I made assumptions, blinded by fear over what your feelings were. It was my fault.”
Her mistaken judgments, both before and after the kidnapping, must have been such a trial to Darcy because he cared for her so much. “I know that I hurt you. I am sorry that loving me hurt you.”
Darcy looked completely taken aback. For a moment, he was silent. “No, it is rejection that hurts, and loneliness,” he said carefully. “And being unable to prevent the person you love from hurting. Loving you does not hurt me at all, and I would risk all the rejection, all the loneliness, all the fear, to have love in my life, to haveyouin my life.”
He came near and took both of her hands in his, but still did not ask her again to marry him. The open, earnest desire in his expression made it difficult for her to breathe. She had been brave to come here, and she could not stop now.
“I think you have too generous and perhaps too proud a temper,” she said, smiling, “to persecute me with what you fear are unsolicited wishes. So, I am here, soliciting them, to tell you to ask me again.”
He gave a soft laugh as delight diffused over his face. “You assume I have not been wanting to ask you to marry me since you charged into my house. In this moment, however, I was deciding whether to kiss you before I asked you or after.”
“Oh,” she said, laughing a little from relief. “Well, the order does not matter to me, so long as both are accomplished quickly.”
Darcy let go of her hands and put his on her waist. “I am in love with you, and if your heart is equally engaged, then I beg you to marry me.”
Her cheeks hurt from how widely she was smiling. “Yes.” She gathered his face in her hands and kissed him, breathing him in and tasting him. Darcy stilled in surprise for an instant before his mouth moved against hers with the same purpose and passion. His grip tightened around her, and she clasped at his neck and shoulders, kissing him with urgency.
When they broke apart, they were both breathing harshly. “You should know,” she said, catching her breath, “that giddy violence of desire you just experienced is of course preceded by warm esteem and a rational attachment.”
Darcy laughed softly, staring at her with desire. “I never doubted it, dearest.”
“Fitzwilliam, I have always wanted someone who believed in my abilities and who would take care of me in all the ways that mattered. Someone who would see me as their equal partner. You are exactly that person, and I love you very much.”
To her surprise, the lightness in his face faded, and he leant down to look directly into her eyes. “I plan to be indebted to you for the most blissful moments of my life, so if you let Markle take you, you have to promise to come back to me.”
She could not make him that promise, and he knew it. She kissed him again instead, pouring all of her affection for him into it. After a time, he broke the kiss to trace his lips across hercheeks, her jaw, and down her neck before pulling her into his chest.
“I do not want you to leave,” he said into her hair, “but you have to get back before your aunt and uncle do. Bingley’s footman is likely prowling the servants’ hall wondering if this will cost him his position.”
He was trying to hide how afraid he was for her. “Do you think I can leave from the servants’ entrance and not be noticed?” she asked, still leaning into him.
She felt him shake his head. “If the carriages are now gone, whomever it is has a clear view and will follow anyone in a skirt.”
“Then we can set this into motion now,” she whispered into his chest. His hold tightened, but he did not disagree.
After holding her for a while, he said, “Colonel Fitzwilliam’s brother, Lord Milton, is in town. He has two daughters, and his wife’s sister has three or four children; I am not certain. I will invite them in the morning to remove Kirby.” He kissed her hair. “Then I will go to the Excise Board and tell them I can give them the murderer of one of their men if they rescue you.”
“Do you think they will abduct me now?” she asked, clamping down her fear so as not to alarm Darcy.
He let her go to look into her face. “No, I think the men watching the house must check with Markle. They will follow you and take you from home as soon as they can tomorrow.”
“I don’t want them to enter the house. I will make a point of walking Gracechurch Street in the morning. I will tell my aunt I have shopping to do and try to be as much on my own as I can.”
“While I am getting Kirby away tomorrow, I will ask Fitzwilliam to watch the Gardiners’ house to follow whoever takes you.”
“That is unnecessary. Markle will contact you to arrange an exchange.”
“You cannot think I am letting you do this without learning where they take you.” The look on Darcy’s face told her how much he hated her plan. “If they don’t take you tomorrow, after Kirby is gone and I speak with the officers, I will present myself in Cheapside and they can follow me.”
“You can ask to speak with me alone so you can offer your heart and your hand. Should I prepare my family for joyous news?”
Darcy looked like he was trying to keep his patience with her levity. He was hiding the depth of his distress, but she saw how afraid he was.
“I can do this,” she breathed. “I am afraid, but your cousin will know where I am. The revenue officers will arrest Markle when he tries to make an exchange, and then we will have the banns read.” She forced him to look at her. “Don’t look so pained, Fitzwilliam, please. I cannot do this without your full support.”
“Of course I am pained. What greater injury could be done to a man than to see a woman he loves be put into harm’s way?” He touched her cheek before tucking a ringlet of hair behind her ear. “But your plan to see Markle arrested is a good one, or as good as we have with the time and resources available to us.”
“I will not let any harm come to Kirby or your sister,” she said determinedly. “We can retake control of this dreadful situation. Markle will take me and arrange an exchange. He wants his nephew, and you will have the officers ready.”
