She takes a deep breath.
“Please don’t, Dad. I can’t handle Mom right now.”
I can hear the exhaustion and heartache in her voice. I should call her mom, but I do as she asks and wait. Julia lets her emotions take over sometimes, and it can be a lot for the people around her. I know Lexi can’t deal with both her mom’s feelings and her own. Her own emotions are more than enough to deal with right now. I’ll give her some time, thencheck with her again. She may not feel it now, but she’s going to need her mom.
“Damon! Lexi! Oh my god, are you guys doing okay?” Joslyn’s lilting voice is full of concern. Some of my heaviness lifts, and I smile despite the gravity of the situation. There she is, dog and bodyguard in tow, her beautiful face filled with compassion and an empathy that I know is a result of her own experiences. I can’t believe she’s here, knowing her background. I’m stunned but grateful. I’m so out of my depth here.
Abby gets here first, nuzzling Lexi, licking her arm, and anywhere else her tongue can reach. I love that she’s trying to comfort her in the only way a dog knows how. Joslyn’s right behind her, sitting next to me, holding her hands in her lap like she’s trying not to reach out to Lexi and me. She’s only met Lexi once in passing, and yet she’s so willing to help and comfort her. It warms my heart. The bodyguard, no idea what the guy’s name is, but damn, he’s built like a Mack truck, heads to a spot by the door. At least one of the women I care about is safe. I wish it would help the defeated feeling in my chest.
“Yeah, we will be.” I give her a small smile and stroke my daughter’s uninjured cheek, moving her hair away from her red, bloodshot eyes with gentle fingers. Her eye is beginning to swell up, and it looks painful.
“Can you grab me some ice, Jos? Her cheek is starting to swell.”
She shoots me a supportive smile as she heads toward the tiny kitchen behind the couch. Her calm demeanor is grounding me, giving me the ability to focus on Lexi.
It hits me in a visceral way that I wasn’t able to understand before that she’s lived through something like this. Probably more times than I could handle hearing about. The difference is that her dad didn’t come to her rescue. He sent her back to her abuser with no other recourse but to stay in an abusive relationship. The reality of the kind of betrayal and hurt she must have gone through takes my breath away. I’m getting to see, in away that I never could have experienced before, the reality of what her life must have been like. The strength and resilience this astonishing woman must have had to navigate through something like this and still move forward in the way she has absolutely floors me. It’s an incredibly humbling realization. My admiration for her continues to reach new heights.
The policeman, a dark-haired, Hispanic man named Santiago, sits in the chair next to the couch and pulls out his notebook. The look of sad resignation on his face says he’s done this before, with disappointing results, and that’s not encouraging. I try not to let it get me down. Lexi needs me to be positive.
“The ambulance is on its way. They’ll check you over when they get here, Miss…?” His voice is soft and calm, like he’s done this a million times. He’s got that ‘talk you off the ledge’ tone on lock. A wave of sorrow hits me as I realize that he’s quite competent at this because it happens far too frequently. It leaves me with a sense of dejection that I struggle to overcome.
“Alexandria Hawk, Lexi for short,” she answers with more calm than I would have expected.
I watch with pride swelling as my daughter pulls herself together, physically and mentally.
I help her out of my lap and onto the seat next to me. I don’t want to let her go, but I do, pushing down the urge to lock her away for the rest of her life to keep her safe. Unrealistic, I know, but at least she’d be safe. Okay, that’s excessive, I know. I push my emotions deep down as she reaches for my hand. I hold on tight, giving her all my support through that little bit of connection. This isn’t about how I’m feeling right now. There will be time enough for that later.
“So, walk me through what happened today, Lexi. How did this all start?”
It takes everything I’ve got to keep quiet as she walks through today’s events and the history of their relationship.
The beginning was wonderful; he was so attentive and charming. Gradually, so slowly that she didn’t see it, he began to exert control. First, it was what she wore, then who she hung out with, until he controlled everything, including what she ate. I was gratified to hear that it was our dinner at Tres Margaritas that helped her to see things clearly. It’s a balm to my overwhelming guilt. Listening to her talk about how not being able to order her favorite food that night was the tipping point for her hurts my heart. Apparently, my dislike of Carter was more evident than I thought.
They’d been talking about moving in together, and she slowly began resisting every time they discussed it, until finally she flat-out told him no, then asked him for space in their relationship. That’s the event that precipitated his physical attack.
So much has happened to her, and I didn’t even know. I’m not sure which part hurts worse—what’s happened in her relationship, or that she didn’t feel safe enough with me to share it. I make a promise to myself to change that for her, so she knows in the future that I’m here for her always. No matter what.
“Anyway, this morning, I told him that I wanted to take a step back because school is going to start soon, ya know? I mean, this is freshman year, and I don’t know what my classes will be like,” she finishes.
The cop nods. I can see in his eyes that this story isn’t new to him. I take a moment to appreciate his difficult job before focusing back on Lexi. She pulls her hand away to adjust the ice pack Joslyn gave her, then grabs my hand again. My heart warms knowing she still needs my support, and it’s helping to keep me calm too. I give her another squeeze. She shoots me a small half-smile and then continues with her story.
“At first, he seemed fine, but then he started asking me all kinds of questions. Was there someone else? Who was the guy I was talking to the other day? Why was I so friendly with everyone at my job? Was I cheating on him? That kind of thing. As he’s asking me all these questions, it dawnson me that he’s been watching me. Everywhere I go. All the time. Because he knows everything I did and everywhere I went yesterday, and it’s starting to get creepy. Who does that?”
She shoots me a confused look.
“And it all came together, ya know? I mean, I took a general psychology class during my senior year in high school. I know that kind of thing is not okay, so I started to question him. Asking him what he’s been doing and where he’s been going. At first, he’s calm, acting like I’m the crazy one, but as I kept asking, I saw him getting frustrated and angry. That’s when I should have stopped.”
Her breath is shaky, and I can see the self-recrimination written all over her face. I squeeze her hand again, letting her know I’m there. She straightens her back and keeps going, and I’m so proud of her.
“Then, he starts getting really mad. He’s yelling and calling me nasty names. Then, his fist shoots out and catches me in the eye, and I freeze. Like an idiot, I just stood there. I didn’t run away or say anything. I just stood there. Who fucking does that?”
The tears are rolling down her face again, and it’s everything I can do not to pull her back onto my lap. I can hear every bit of self-blame she’s feeling in her voice. I know it’s going to take some time for her to let that go. She looks at me and tries to smile, but it only makes her cry harder. I can’t hold back, so I pull her into my lap again and hold her gaze. I want her to take my words into her soul.
“You did nothing wrong, Lex. Nothing! It’s completely normal to freeze in that type of situation, especially if you’re surprised. It’s not your fault, baby girl. This is on him and him alone. You did nothing wrong.”
I’m quietly emphatic. This message is so important, and I’ll keep repeating it until it’s imprinted on her very being. I want to hug all her pain away like I did when she was three and fell off her bike, but I can’t. So,instead, I stroke her back in soothing circles. She’s finally starting to relax when there’s a commotion from the hallway.
“You better arrest that asshole or else. He assaulted me. Do you know who my father is? I’ll make sure you lose your job. Do you understand me?” Carter yells, being led out in handcuffs by the other policeman. I try to shield my daughter, but my beautiful girl is so much stronger than I’ve ever given her credit for.
