Chapter 1
To Elizabeth, the month of April had unfolded painfully slowly, marked by the recollection of Mr Darcy’s astonishing marriage proposal and her harsh refusal.
“…you must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you…”
Mr Darcy, the last man in the world she expected to entertain such feelings for her and to address her in such words. Mr Darcy! How could it be?
A fortnight later, she could still not believe it had happened.Was it just a bad dream?
Even worse, countless times a day she remembered Mr Darcy’s letter and her failure in judging both Mr Darcy and Mr Wickham. Poisoned by prejudice, offended by being called tolerable and rejected as a dance partner by one, and flattered by the other’s attentions, she had wrongly chosen to trust Mr Wickham’s word and had accused Mr Darcy of the worst flaws of character. How could she have been such a simpleton? How could she have allowed herself to be so easily deceived?
Mr Darcy’s declaration at the parsonage in Hunsford had been as unexpected as it was unwelcome; she could never have accepted it, even if his manner of proposing had been faultless. Her sentiments for him were too far from what a woman should feel for the man she agrees to marry.
While his proposal had been arrogant and offensive, her refusal had been even worse, and she could not easily forgive herself for that. Her passionate defence of Mr Wickham had been ridiculous because it was so ill-grounded, as Mr Darcy’s letter had revealed the next day.
He had departed Rosings Park swiftly with his cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam, leaving behind a storm of emotions that Elizabeth could scarcely comprehend. Still, she did her best to control them every single day, especially under Lady Catherine’s scrutiny.
Two weeks later, as the carriage jostled along the road from Kent towards London, Elizabeth found herself gazing out at the countryside, her thoughts a whirlwind. She was travelling with Maria Lucas, who was expected to continue her trip to Meryton after only a day in town. While Maria chattered joyfully, Elizabeth hardly heard anything and replied with just an occasional nod of her head.
The letter Mr Darcy had pressed into her hand the morning after their confrontation weighed heavily in her reticule, its contents etched into her mind like verses from a particularly vexing poem. The revelations about Mr Wickham’s deceit and his attempted elopement with Miss Darcy painted a picture far removed from that of the charming officer she had once admired. Amidst the shame of her misjudgment, there lingered an unwelcome flicker of something much more disturbing: Mr Darcy’s admission that he ardently admired and loved her, despite all his reservations about her family’s improprieties.
She shook her head as if to dispel the notion. “Ardently admired,” she murmured to herself with a wry smile. “Such grand words from a man who could not conceal his disdain for my connections.”
The letter’s defence of his interference in Jane’s happiness with Mr Bingley stung the deepest. He proclaimed Jane’s affections appeared indifferent — how absurd, especially from a man who so well concealed his own true feelings under a mask of indifference and arrogance.
But after days of reflecting on her sister’s reserved nature, Elizabeth could not entirely dismiss his reasoning. It was a bitter pill, leaving her restless and contemplative as the miles slipped by. Yes, Jane’s reticence was somehow similar to Mr Darcy’s, though they were so utterly different in every other way. Or were they?
Elizabeth was brought back from her reverie when the carriage stopped in front of the Gardiners’ residence.
“Lizzy, my dear, what a joy to have you back!” Mrs Gardiner cried, while Jane and their cousins embraced her warmly. “And Miss Lucas — welcome to our home! Let us enter. How was your trip? I look forward to hearing everything about your stay in Kent.”
“Our stay in Kent was very pleasant,” Maria Lucas answered joyfully. “We had a wonderful time, did we not, Eliza?”
They entered the house, with Elizabeth holding Jane’s arm while Maria continued her narration.
“Charlotte has a lovely house, so close to Rosings Park — which is the most wonderful place I have ever seen! So large, so impressive, so many windows and staircases! And Lady Catherine de Bourgh is so rich and so impressive and so considerate. She invited us to have tea and dine with her so many times. Can you imagine? And Mr Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam were there. The colonel is so handsome and pleasant, but Mr Darcy was just as distant as ever. I heard he is to marry Miss Anne de Bourgh.”
“My dear Miss Lucas, you will have to tell us all the details again, slowly this time, because I can hardly keep pace with everything I have heard so far,” Mrs Gardiner joked. “Come, let us sit down, have some tea, and talk at length.”
They settled into the Gardiners’ comfortable parlour, and Maria Lucas continued her story, encouraged by Mrs Gardiner’s questions, while Jane listened and glanced at Elizabeth at times. Elizabeth sat on a sofa, surrounded by her cousins, trying to smile. As much as she felt the burden of her secret, she decided that she would not reveal anything about Mr Darcy to either her sister or her aunt and uncle. She needed time to clear her mind and decide whether and what may be disclosed.
“I am glad you enjoyed yourselves, and I am delighted to receive news about your sister’s happy marriage,” Mrs Gardiner concluded, ever the gracious hostess. “Now allow me to show you to your rooms so you can rest. Lizzy, I assume you will share with Jane, as usual?”
“Yes. Thank you, Aunt.”
“I am not tired,” Maria said. “I am sorry Papa will come to fetch me tomorrow — I would like to stay a little longer in London, but my father dislikes town. So does Lady Catherine de Bourgh. She said she rarely comes if she can avoid it. Miss de Bourgh’s health is fragile, and she needs the comfort of her home.”
“I see. I hope Miss de Bourgh’s health will improve soon,” Mrs Gardiner said politely.
“Oh, Lady Catherine said it will as soon as she marries Mr Darcy,” Maria declared, and Elizabeth held her breath. It was the second time Maria had mentioned the supposed engagement. But how could it be?How can Mr Darcy be betrothed to Miss de Bourgh when he has just proposed to me?Could he have beenso offended by her refusal that he immediately offered for his cousin?
“Where did you hear that Mr Darcy would marry Miss de Bourgh, Maria?” Elizabeth enquired before she could control her impulse.
“Mr Collins told me and Charlotte in great secrecy. It seems they have been engaged since they were in their cradles.”
“Oh…” Elizabeth whispered, puzzled. Mr Darcy had been engaged when he professed his ardent love and admiration to her? Surely that was not possible. Or was he just trifling with her?
“Such arranged marriages between cousins are common in high society,” Mrs Gardiner declared. “Those who are very rich try to keep their fortunes among themselves.”
