I don’t say any of that and shake my head. If I’m being honest with myself, I don’t want him to. I like his presence. He settles me. Is that crazy for me to admit? That his mere presence is peaceful and helpful?
“How can I help? What can I do?”
He pulls up in front of the water park entrance.
“I don’t know. Can you wait for a little bit? If you have to go, I understand.”
He holds my hand, squeezing gently, those amber pools wrapping me up. God, what I wouldn’t give to be able to get lost in them, to take the comfort he’s giving me right now and hold on to it for a while, especially when I don’t know what I’m about to encounter.
“I’ll wait for as long as you need me.”
My lungs deflate like an untied balloon, letting out all the worry I’ve had in me this whole drive. Not because I’m not terrified for Bella and whatever is going on, but because I know someone has my back right now.
“Thank you.” I cough, clearing my throat, disguising how it almost broke at those words, and stepping out of the car. The distance between the entrance and the bathroom might be short, but it feels eternal. I don’t know what I’m going to find once I step through those doors. Whatever it is, we will face it together.
“Bells?” I ask loudly before a stall door opens slightly, a few fingers wiggling right as it does.
“Hey, sweetie. What’s going on?” I try to open the door, but she won’t let me. She pulls it shut immediately.
“Um, Mom?”
“Yes?”
“I think I got my period.”
Oh.
“Okay. Is there blood?”
“Only when I wipe.”
Okay. Could be something else, but chances are, it’s her period.
“What color bathing suit did you bring?”
“Navy,” she replies.
“That’s why you can’t see it. Give me a sec. I’ll be right back.”
“No, don’t go!”
She knows what a period is. Most of her friends, if not all of them, already have it. This is not new information for her, but Istill vividly remember the first time it happened to me and how terrified I was. How I talked to Cara about it because I wouldn’t dare tell my mom. Not that she would have said anything bad, but I didn’t trust her with stuff. Bella does with me, and I’m honored she called.
“I have to get you something, okay? Have you given it a thought if you want a pad or a tampon? I don’t know if I’ll be able to find both here, but I’m wondering.”
“Um. No,” she whispers around a small sob.
“Oh, Bella. It’s okay not to know.” I press my palm to the door, hoping she can feel it on her side or on her back like I used to comfort her when she was younger. “I’ll tell you what. Why don’t I go see what they have, and we can go from there, okay?”
“Okay.”
I hurry to the gift shop, and as soon as I find options, I head back to her. Pads and tampons, just in case. Last time I had a period was five years ago, and although I don’t worry about my own anymore, I knew the day would come when she’d get hers.
We talk about the options I found, and she opts for what it’s easier for now—pads. I also got her extra underwear, so she’s not wet the entire ride home. We grab her bag on the way to the car. It’s not until I see Holden leaning against his front door that I remember,I didn’t drive here.
“Um, Bella?”
“Please don’t make this weird. We all bleed, right? Sorry, I panicked and didn’t know what to do. I know that wasn’t fair to you.”
