“I will.”
He disappears into the kitchen as Natalie and I saunter out of the restaurant. I don’t want this to end. I want to talk to her forever and get to know her even more. I want to know all her favorites and all the things she doesn’t like. I want to know what makes her tick and what fills her soul.
I want to be that for her too.
“Where to now?” she asks as soon as we’re both in the car. “I don’t need to be back home for a while if you want to, um, do something else.”
My heart leaps out of my chest, and I swear, she can see it. She smiles, warming up my heart and making me wonder for the first time if this truly could happen. If I forgive him, if I heal, could I be enough for her?
Her phone rings, changing her content expression to dread the minute she sees who it is.
She answers immediately.
21
YOU ARE ENOUGH IN ANY CAPACITY
More Hearts Than Mine by Ingrid Andress • Maroon by Taylor Swift
Natalie
“You needto stop apologizing for needing to get your daughter. You’re her mom.” The validation in his tone is exactly what I didn’t know I needed, but I can’t seem to stop either way.
I’ve been apologizing for the past twenty minutes as we head to the water park to pick up a very distraught Bella. I’ve never heard her like this. She is usually even-keeled, chill, and goes with the flow. She’s controlled and keeps her emotions regulated. She’s cried before, obviously, but the sobs coming through the phone are new. I’ve never, ever heard her like that. She sounded terrified.
“You didn’t sign up for this today when you picked me up.” My voice shakes, but I can’t fall apart now. I can’t fall apart when I need to go figure out what’s going on with her.
Bella:
How far away are you?
Me:
3 mins, baby. I’m almost there. Are you safe?
Bella:
Yes. I’m in the bathroom by the front doors.
What on earth is she doing in the bathroom?
Me:
Okay, honey. I’m coming.
“I knew you were a mom before I picked you up. You having children doesn’t bother me. Your children needing you doesn’t either. It’s okay. I’m glad you can be there for her.”
Except now, he’s about to meet Bella, and what am I supposed to tell her? We haven’t talked about dating or anything like that, other than when she said she would be okay with it. Was this even a date? I can tell her he’s my friend, right?
“You don’t have to wait. I can Uber back home.”
“Do you want me to leave?”
Yes.
No.
But it might be easier.
