“So when were you going to tell us you were going on a date?” Roe asks at the same time as I hop once, twice, while pulling the skirt up with the belt loops and letting out an exasperated breath.
“Well,” I sigh. “I didn’t know it was a date. I still don’t. We spend a lot of time together. I mean, he was here yesterday, helping me paint the living room.”
They gasp. “He was in your house?”
“Yup. He was here fixing the porch a few weeks ago.” I change from the black top to a beige one that molds to my body, tucking it into the black denim skirt and adding a green cardigan. It’s hot as hell, but fashion over comfort.
“Is he a handyman?” Allie asks.
"No,” I shout, bending over and sliding my socks on to put my tennis shoes covered in bookish doodles I got from a boutique last time I was in Magnolia Springs. “His dad I think was, but he actually owns a therapy center. Remember, we talked about it? Healing Pals? But he’s?—”
I stop talking when I see all their mouths open wide once I slide into view. “What?”
“Damn,” Roe mentions.
“You look doubly hot,” Cara says.
I look at myself in the mirror. I do like this outfit. It enhances my curves, and I feel both sexy and beautiful in it. The color combination also makes my freckles and hair pop, and I love both of those things.
“Your eyes look extra light too,” Allie adds, and the color tinting my cheeks darkens with all their compliments.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t be acting all shy. You look so good. How do you feel?”
I sigh. “Good, I think? I don’t know. I don’t want to look too much into it, but I also kind of want to look good. Not for him, but for me.”
“You look it,” Roe adds.
“How are you feeling about the date in general?” Allie, with all the tenderness in the world, asks. Her husband was Nick’s best friend, so the year before he passed, we spent the most time together.
“I don’t know if it’s a date.”
“Let’s pretend it is,” Allie adds.
Nervous, excited, like I’m gonna throw up? “I don’t know.”
I add lipstick and a dash of mascara while I listen to them talk about how not knowing is okay and how I don’t have to make any decisions. I just have to try to enjoy myself out there. They’re not wrong, but I still feel a certain type of way.
“It feels like I might betray him,” I finally admit—not only to them but to myself, too. I don’t think I’ve ever put it into words, but that’s exactly it. It feels like if I do this, if I go out with someone else, I’m not staying true to us. To what we were.
“Oh, honey,” Cara whispers. “You’re not betraying him, Natalie. You gave Nick everything you had for years, and you made each other so happy. Look at everything you built together.”
“We’re not saying go out there and marry the next guy you date, but I’m saying put yourself out there. Share that beautiful laugh, that incredible brain, that amazing heart with others. The world will be a better place, I promise,” Allie adds.
“And your body. Share your kickass body too,” Roe comments.
“He wanted you to be happy. That’s it.”
“I am happy, and I do share all those things with you all and the girls.” I blink away the tears, wiping them as they silently fall over my cheeks.
“Is it the same, though? Aren’t you lonely?” Allie asks.
Yes.
“No,” I reply. My hands rest on my hips as I take a seat and then cover my face. “Yes.”
“Okay, then just give it a try. If you’re not feeling it, that’s alright. Call us, and we’ll come get you, okay? We’re always here, no matter what.”
