She turns comfortably in his arms, her beautiful eyes searching for her soup, and when she finds it, light covers her face at the same time a tear rolls down mine. It’s so scary to think something could happen to her, to them, really. Every sickness, every off day, sends me right into a worst-case-scenario mentality, so getting this little glimmer—her smiling over food—sets my mind at ease.
“She might get you sick.”
“I don’t really care.” Holden's body is relaxed around her, as if the two of them have known each other forever. He’s letting her eat but watching her carefully, a napkin in his hand, ready to clean up whatever mess he’s predicting she’s going to make. It tugs at my heart and fills me with both hope and sorrow. He’s a natural with her, but I could never give him a baby of his own.
You have to talk to me about these things, he said earlier, and he was right. We do need to talk about this. I don’t know how we went from strangers to friends to possibly planning a future together, but here we are. It’s so scary, but I find myself looking forward to tomorrow the more I spend time with him. It’s been years since I felt that. That little glimmer, that hope. And he’s bringing it for me again.
“Mom!” Bella shouts as she enters the house, shutting the door loudly behind her. Her friend was dropping her off after school, and I must have lost track of time.
“Oh, it’s a party, I see,” she mentions at the sight. “Coach Clay, glad to see you’re out of the dog house.”
“Isabella!”
He chuckles; thank God, he chuckles. This child.
“Too soon? Sorry. Is there more of that? Whatever that smells is?”
I look at Holden for confirmation, which he gives right away. “In the kitchen. Try not to make a mess.”
“The house looks so good, so I’ll try my best.”
“I promise I clean. She’s just dramatic,” I whisper to Holden, who’s wiping some soup from Vero’s arm. Her hand-eye coordination still has a long way to go, but it puts a smile on my face seeing he’s respecting her pace and just helping with cleaning up.
“I know.” His golden brown eyes glimmer with what seems like pride or even…love. “You’re incredible, you know that?” he asks.
“What?”
“Youareincredible.”
Time stands still with this man sitting on my worn couch, my toddler comfortably eating soup next to him, a soup he made, while I stand here, listening to him call me incredible.
“Well, don’t stop at my account. Keep telling her. She needs to hear it more often.” Bella breaks the moment in half, sitting on the rocking chair with a bowl of soup and piece of bread. “But be warned—” she points at Holden with her bread “—she’ll cry.” She leans forward, stealing a chicken tender from my plate. “Yum, thanks.”
I closethe door quietly to Vero’s room, tip-toeing my way to the living room. Bella had some homework to finish before bed, and Holden decided to help her, so I expect to find them in the kitchen, since Bella does her homework with snacks. Tonight was so weird and perfect. Having him here should’ve felt like the balance was tipping, but it felt more like puzzle pieces falling into place.
I don’t know how to describe it, other than I felt at peace with him here, and so did the girls. We played a little bit of UNO—I lost, and Bella won every time—before it was bedtime for Vero. Vero fell asleep with her hand wrapped around Holden’s finger.
The water shuts off in the kitchen, allowing their conversation to rise over the sound.
“I can’t wait for the game this week. Are we doing pizza again?” Bella asks.
“That would be up to your mom.”
“Well, do you want to? We haven’t spooked you yet with the wholeyou’ll have to live with the memory of another manif you decide to keep dating my mom? Is it too much baggage for you?”
I gasp, covering my mouth so they don’t hear me eavesdropping.
“Can I be honest with you?”
“Please. People treat me like I’m fragile half the time, and I’m a tough cookie.”
He chuckles. “I know. I’ve seen you fall and get back up again, remember?”
“Har, har, very funny.”
I lean against the wall and listen.
“The truth is, Bella, I like your mother very much, like I said the other day. That includes everything about her.”
