“Every day.” The air leaves his lungs in an attempt to release emotions, but he shakes it off. “Every damn day. There’s no bigger regret. And no matter what I did on my end to try to deserve her, it wasn’t ever going to bring her back. I lost it again because without her, nothing made sense. She died without me fighting for her, and I’ll never forgive myself for it.”
I blink away tears that threaten to come.
“I know I don’t have any reason to give you advice, but if I may, can I say you will never regret the chances you take, but you will regret the ones you let pass you by? And if this girl, whoever she is, is the reason you gave me a chance and why you’ve beenwalking with light in your eyes the past few weeks, I say she’s worth risking it all.”
My eyebrows shoot to my hairline. “How do you know there’s a girl?”
“I wasn’t born yesterday. A father knows, even if he doesn’t deserve to be called one.”
I nod, taking his advice and walking away. Before I leave, I mutter, “You do deserve it. You fucked up big time, but you’re owning up to it. You’re putting in the work.”
I let my words fill the space between us, allow them to settle in his heart. “If you can call me son, I can call you dad.”
I’ll be back Wednesday, but for now, there’s a little girl I need to check on and a woman who deserves to know I’m not going anywhere.
After how manyknocks does one call it quits and leave?
Four? Ten?
How about minutes? I’ve been here for five to ten minutes now, and she still hasn’t come out. I sit on the rocking chair and wait instead of knocking. I’ll wait all day if necessary. I want to make sure she’s okay. I want to make sure Vero is okay too.
Except it would’ve been great if I had realized her van wasn’t in the driveway. A van that’s now pulling up around my car.
“Hey.” I wave, running to her.
“What are you doing here, Holden?” she asks as soon as she steps out of the van. My heart sinks to my feet at the sight of her—yellow bags under her eyes, her hair pooled on her head in a messy bun, oversized faded clothes with puke on them, and two different shoes.
“I’m here to help.”
“I don’t need help,” she mentions, opening the back door and pulling Vero into her arms.
I reach around her, grabbing bags off the floor. “I know you don’t.”
“I’ve got this,” she snaps back, walking towards the house. She’s so tired, she’s on autopilot—in survival mode.
“Hi, Holen,” Vero whispers groggily when she sees me, her delicate hand opening and closing.
“Hi, sweets.” My exaggerated steps catch up to them, waiting to see if I will be invited in. I’m not, but I’m not told to stay out either, so I step through the door, placing the bags on her kitchen counter. She disappears, so I wait. I wait to see if she’ll come back. I wait, washing the dishes in the sink and tidying up what I can see needs to be done. The trash needs to be taken out.
Finding the trash can outside is a quest, but one I complete, nonetheless. By the time I get back in, Natalie is standing in the kitchen, dumbfounded. “I told you I didn’t need help.” Her arms cross over her chest for good measure.
“And I said I knew you didn’t.”
“Then why did you clean my kitchen?”
“Because I wanted to.”
She exhales in annoyance. She’s so tired, she has no time for pleasantries. "Holden, I can’t be distracted right now. Vero needs me. The antibiotics weren’t helping, so I took her back in. Turns out, she also has the flu. She’s miserable, and I need to be here for her.”
“I know.”
“So there’s no time for small talk or dates or whatever. I need to be a mom.”
I nod. “I agree. I’m not here because you need me; I’m here because you shouldn’t carry it all alone, even if you can. I’m here because you told me very clearly you and your girls were apackage deal. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m here because when someone cares about you, they show up even in the hard times. And I do.” I shrug. “So I’m here.”
“I can take care of this. My house, my girls, myself.”
I step closer, holding her hand. She doesn’t fight me on it, but she feels so fragile. Has she even eaten today? “I know you can. You have. You’re so strong…but now, you don’t have to be strong alone. I’m here. I can help. Let me help take care of you.”
