PROLOGUE
HEAVEN BY BOYCE AVENUE & MEGAN NICOLE
Two Years Ago
Natalie
This wedding venue is beautiful,right by the lake, decorated with a mix of earthy colors. It reminds me of peace and wonderful moments, things we take for granted most of the time. As hard as it is to sit here with my almost two year old on my lap, my daughter on one side and an empty seat on the other, I still try to be present for my friends. They are truly the family life gave me. This life may be unfair, but it still gave methem.
It also gave me him, even if it ripped him away from me too soon. Far too soon.
The gentle breeze caresses my cheeks as soon as those words pop into my head. I look at the empty seat with a portrait of him smiling, and a single leaf lands on my lap.
Is this you, Nick? Are you here to comfort me? To drink the beer Jake put in that cupholder for you?
I wish the little signs I get every now and then made it better, but it doesn’t; nothing makes it hurt less.
The music plays, signaling that the ceremony is starting, and we all stand to see Jake walking down the aisle. He’s smiling so big, and tears threaten to trickle down my face. Looking at how happy he is reminds me of how it felt to have my soul lit on fire once by the one we don’t have anymore.
It feels like you’re walking on sunshine while there’s a flame burning deep within you, waiting to burst from your body at any point. But that doesn’t exist inside me anymore. The flame burned out, and no match could ever bring it back. There’s no fire. There’s no soul.
My heart was woven with his so deeply that every year, month, day, hour, minute, second without him on this Earth with me, I can hardly breathe. I’ve been barely breathing for years now, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to take a full breath.
There are books, songs, movies, poetry about true love. The love of a lifetime. About how rare it is, that when you find it, you hold on to it and never let it go. Allie and Jake have that love, and we’re all here to witness it. It’s beautiful, and although I wish I could believe that could be me one day, I can’t.
I had a love like that once. I knew so deeply he was the other half of me that at sixteen years old, I swore I would never see another person the same. I would never love another person the same. But fate tested our vows of ‘til death do us part’ and ripped him away from me.
Away from us.
And the day that bullet went through his heart was the day my heart gave out too. Except I have to pretend to be strong for the two little girls left behind, even if I’m dying inside. I never expected to live a life without him, yet here I am, trying and failing every day. But I smile, just like I’m smiling right now, holding our daughter he never met. I smile as our best friends finally say their I dos.He should be here to see it too.
I wipe away a tear and hold tight to the wedding rings I carry around my neck and close to my heart. I’ll blame it on the beautiful ceremony if someone asks, not on losing hope. Because his life got cut too short, and it’s not fair. It’s not fair at all.
We live our lives creating memories. Every day, in the mundane, we’re creating what could be our last.
Our last cup of coffee.
Our last drive down I-95.
Our last first kiss.
Our last goodbye.
The sad part? We don’t know it will be the last until it is. Until the moment is gone, and only memories remain.
So, when the officiant tells Jake to kiss his bride, I try to commit it to memory, like I’ve been trying to do with every happy moment I’ve been a part of for the past two years. Even if it’s a reminder I’ll never be kissed, held, or loved like that again, I don’t ever want to forget them.
I don’t want to forgethim.
Even if it kills me in the process.
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THIS FORSAKEN TOWN
Present Day
The Man That Came Back by Jessie Murph • Take Me Out To The Ball Game by Luke Combs • Those Eyes by Neph
