When I don’t he continues. “Ian told me last week when he came into the firehouse.”
I rack my brain to recall when he was there and I remember him pulling Reece into another room. I shake my head. “Why didn’t you all tell me then?”
He sighs as I sit back down. “He wanted me to talk to Embyr and tell her that she needed to be the one to tell you. I spoke to her the night we all met at the bar. The night before Ian…that night. I told her I knew and that she needed to confess to you as soon as possible. Otherwise, you would find out when Ian sent you the information.
I look down at my intertwined fingers. “Why are you so calm about this, Reece? You know she was trying to get back at us. You were right. You were right the other day when you said it was weird that members of the PITCREW were having these life altering things happening to them. She was behind it all. She admitted to it! You don’t even know what she was going to do to you. How can you be so calm?”
When he doesn’t answer right away I look over, finding him staring off. “I released that tape, Casen. It was an accident but I released it and even though what she was doing was wrong, I probably would have deserved whatever it was that she had planned.”
That doesn’t need a response. I have always known that Reece may have been the one behind the tape getting out. It was his study group that had been forwarding it to everyone they knew. It was at his home. It was on his computer. Of course he was somehow responsible. This is the first time he’s ever admitted to it.
“When Ian told me he found out who Embyr really was, I knew I needed to get her to admit everything to you. I thought it would hurt more if you found out from Ian. I guess it didn’t matter. You broke up with her anyway.”
“I didn’t find out from Embyr,” I tell him. “I got Ian’s mail the morning he passed away, and before I went to her condo. All I wanted that morning was to be near her but then I opened that envelope and my entire world changed.”
“That sucks, Casen. I’m sorry.”
We finish our beers and order another round.
“Do you think she loves you? Like, really loves you and not just a game?”
My mind reels at his question. Does she love me? I’ve had a lot of time to think about it over the past couple days. Even with Kate in my house, it’s been very lonely. Quiet. I can do nothing else but think. When I left her at her condo, I was sure she wasn’t in love with me but the more I thought about it and dissected every single moment in our so-called relationship, I started to think maybe, just maybe she was. At the beginning, she seemed stand-offish. Like she couldn’t tolerate being near me but always seemingly attracted to me, and then something shifted. It was like a light bulb went off and our relationship started to just be easy. She was letting go and letting me in. I was all hers. She had me wrapped from the moment I saw her in Jedi’s. Maybe it was because subconsciously I knew. It’s quite a mind fuck to realize that you fell in love with two women, without realizing they were one in the same.
“I’m fucking sure she does.”
“Okay.” He turns his body toward me. “Then why are you pushing her away? You love her?”
“Because she betrayed us all, Reece!” I yell, slamming my hand down onto the bar. “I love her but I don’t want to.”
“Casen, look at me man.” He commands and I listen. “Yes, she was trying to fuck over us all and in the process, she fell for you. Just like back in high school. Annie, or Embyr, or whatever her name is always had such a strong connection with you. I saw it. Everyone could see it. Everyone but you. What we did?” He shakes his head. “It was so wrong and excuse me for being blunt here but you stood by and watched it happen! For her to still fall in love with you all these years later, in the middle of some diabolical plan to get back at us should tell you something.”
“What? What could that tell me, Reece? That she’s weak?”
He shakes his head. “No. She isn’t weak. If she loves you, even after you stood by and watched us do terrible things to her, then she forgives you. Why can’t you do the same?”
Everything is hazy. Reece is right. If she can forgive me, why can’t I let this go? Shouldn’t love conquer all? “She willingly set out to ruin all our lives! I just can’t get over that. Not yet. I need time. I keep thinking about the past couple weeks and she had more than a few opportunities to tell me what was going on. I even told her the story about what happened back in high school! She saw Ian’s text about Annie for Christ’s sake. So many missed opportunities.”
“I’m mad too. I wish that things went differently. We just have to deal with the cards we are dealt and right now you’ve been dealt a shitty hand. We’ve just lost a best friend and on top of that, you’ve lost a girlfriend. I can’t imagine. I’m just so sorry...” he trails off before adding, “for everything.”
***
It’s close to nine p.m. when I stumble into my home. Reece and I had our fair share of beers and a couple Ubers were called. I needed to get home and get rest before the funeral tomorrow. I find Kate eating a sandwich on the couch.
“You looked tanked.” She half-heartedly giggles before moving to the far end of the couch, giving me ample room.
“I’m sorry I left the wake,” I slur, slouching into the back of the couch.
She shrugs. “It’s okay. It all seemed like an endless line of people wanting to express their condolences. After a dozen or so, they all start to blend in with one another.”
I nod but don’t answer.
“Do you want me to make you a sandwich?” she asks. I look over and take her in. She’s wearing an oversized sweatshirt and shorts that barely cover anything.
“I’m okay. I should be taking care of you. You just lost your brother.”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m so tired of people trying to take care of me. I can’t tell you how many times people offered to get me food.”
I shrug. “They are just trying to make things easy for you. Help where they can.”
