She hasn’t given an answer to my question, but I’m guessing she’s providing me with her backstory before she gets to that part. So, when I don’t reply, she keeps going.
“I went to night school to learn typing and how to use computers. Then I got a job as a secretary, and life was good for a while. I had friends and started dating eventually. Even had a few boyfriends that I thought might become serious, but they never did. I eventually moved jobs and finally met Carl. We dated for a couple of years, moved in with each other, and then married. He didn’t want children, so I decided that was okay with me, since I had you.” She finishes her story and sits back into her seat like she’s answered my question, but it just leads to other ones. So, before Meara can steer the conversation in another direction, I jump in.
“Does Carl know about me, does he know you’re here?” I find it strange that this Carl hasn’t been with Tessa when she went to the firehouse, or my mom’s house, or even today for this meeting.
“No, we separated and divorced six months ago.” Tessa looks sad about it, and although I want to know more, it’s Tessa’s turn to ask me a question. In a way, I’m surprised how much more Iwant to know about her, and at the same time, I’m confused by her emotions. I’m not just seeing her sad expression, but I can feel her sadness, which is a bit of a shock to me that I’m feeling that transfer of energy between us.
“Tessa, do you have a question for Poppy?” Meara asks, keeping things moving.
“Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me for what I did?” Tessa asks, hesitantly.
“I forgave you when I was old enough to understand what a difficult decision that must’ve been. I don’t judge you.” My answer easily rolls off my tongue.
Relief washes over her face, but I haven’t finished.
“I need you to understand, though, that it will take me a while to work out where you fit into my life. My mom will always be my mother, she is my whole world and I owe her everything. In saying that, I would like to be friends with you and continue to get to know each other. We can’t change the past, but we can choose how our future evolves.” A small smile creeps up on Meara’s face, letting me know she’s as proud of me as I am for standing up for myself and being strong in saying what I want.
“Of course, of course.” Tessa nods frantically. “Could we start by maybe meeting for coffee each day and talking, becoming friends? I live in the center of the city in an apartment now that I’m on my own again. But I’m happy to come to you every day so you don’t have to travel with your leg.” I can tell how eager she is, but I don’t think I can go at that speed.
“Maybe three times a week to start with, and then we’ll see how I feel. I’ll come to the city. There’s a coffee shop called Strong and Brewdy if you know it.” In my mind I know I can get Landon to drop me off there. It’s just around the corner from the bar, so he can head there and do his daily paperwork, and I would feel more comfortable knowing he won’t be too far away if I feel overwhelmed for any reason.
“Yes, I know it. It’s not too far from where I live.” Tessa’s smile drops a little, looking disappointed that I didn’t agree to meeting with her every day. That’s when it occurs to me, how exactly would she be able to meet me every day?
“Do you need it to be during your lunch break from work?” I ask, hoping it will tie up with the same time of day that Landon would normally be at the bar so I’m not inconveniencing him more than I already do with him driving me around everywhere. God, I can’t wait until I can drive again.
“Oh, um, I’m in between jobs at the moment. It’s hard to get work at my age. As soon as they see I’ve turned fifty-one, I’m sure they just click next onto a younger applicant.” The way she’s picking at her nails again, I know she’s nervous or embarrassed about being unemployed. I immediately jump into assistance mode, like I need to get involved and help her out. Christ, if my mom knew she was unemployed, she would be moving Tessa into our house and asking around until she found her a job. Mom feels indebted to Tessa for bringing me into her life. Which is very sweet, and that’s just how Mom is, but I also need to protect her because her kindness can sometimes get her taken advantage of.
“I’m sure something will come up soon. So, just let me know if you have an interview or anything on the day we have a coffee planned and we can reschedule. Getting a job is more important than meeting with me.” I smile at her.
“No, it’s not,” she snaps back. She quickly clasps her hand over her mouth as she realizes how harsh that sounded. Dropping her hand again, she says, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say it like that. But I did mean that this is the most important thing in my life right now, getting to know you.”
“It’s okay, I understand what you meant,” I say, trying to put her at ease.
I ask her another question to break the tension, a simple one about what she likes to do in her spare time, which she replies she doesn’t really have any hobbies, just watches TV and scrolls on her phone.
“I imagine that would get boring after a while, with you having no job to go to during the day. I’m lucky I have my mom and Landon to keep me occupied while I’m off work, otherwise I’d go batshit crazy.” We all laugh a little at that.
“Tell me about Landon. Is he good to you? What kind of man is he? Where does he work?” Tessa asks, which catches me off guard a little. I wasn’t expecting her to ask questions about him.
Thinking about what I want to say, I take a few seconds before I reply.
“Landon is a kind and caring man, who loves me and is very protective of me and his family. He owns his own bar.” Simple and to the point. Today is about Tessa and me, not my family so much.
Tessa continues to ask questions about him, but I change the subject. In a way it hurts me that she’s asking so much about him and not as much about me.
We continue asking each other questions for another hour, about extended family, my reasoning for becoming a firefighter, among other things, and by the time we’re leaving, I feel like we know each other a little better. We agree to meet in two days’ time at the Strong and Brewdy Coffee Shop.
Tessa walks out from Meara’s office, but I hang back for a few minutes just to collect my thoughts.
“You did so well, Poppy, you should be proud of yourself.” Meara places her hand on my shoulder as she passes me and gestures for me to sit back down after seeing Tessa out.
“Thank you. I feel better than I was expecting I would. There were some tough things to hear, but it also gave me insight into where I came from and who Tessa is. But I do feel a little weirdabout how much interest she showed in Landon. She seemed to ask a lot of questions about him. Do you think that’s strange?” I ask, struggling with the feeling that Tessa was more interested in Landon than me. I need Meara’s help to unpack that or whether I’m overthinking it.
“No, I think she’s just trying to work out who you are, but also who the important people are in your life. We have to remember that she didn’t really get the best first impression of Landon, now did she?” Meara tilts her head to the side a little as she shrugs.
“When you put it like that, yeah, you’re probably right.” I wriggle to the edge of the couch and push myself up, standing still for a minute to get my balance. Meara stands with me, passing me my cane. “Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me today, and every day since I’ve met you, really. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for you.” I reach forward and hug her. It’s something I’ve never done before today, but I needed to let her know what she means to me.
She pulls back from our embrace, smiling at me as she takes my hands in hers.
