“I understand why you did it, and I can assure you that I’ve had the best life, but why now? Why didn’t you come looking for me earlier? I’m assuming you’re clean, so why didn’t you start searching as soon as you got yourself cleaned up? Youareclean now, right?” Because I already know if the answer is no, then I won’t be having any sort of contact with her until she is. I can’t risk her anywhere near my mother or the boys. I’ve seen too much in my line of work to know the danger that comes with being around unpredictable people who suffer from addiction of any type. Whether they mean it or not, all their rational thought is thrown out the window.
“Yes, I promise. I’m clean right now.” She’s still madly wiping the tears off her face.
“Then why now?” I ask again, but the second the words have left my lips, the front door bangs open loudly.
“Poppy!” Landon screams out, and I know by the tone of his panicked voice that all hell’s about to break loose. I thought I’d have more time, but obviously not.
“Dad!” the boys call out to him as he stomps down the hallway.
His loud booming voice means I don’t have to guess what’s happening in the other room, because I can hear every word.
“You boys okay?” He’s speaking quickly.
“Yes.” I hear Kade’s voice, but I’m guessing Nash answered too, just not so loud. I know where Kade gets his volume from now.
“Good. Stay here, I’ll be right back, and Mrs. B will be home very soon.” And as his heavy footsteps start toward us again, I look to Tessa.
“I think it’s best you leave now,” I say quickly as I push up out of my seat, ready to greet Landon the moment he enters the kitchen.
“What the hell are you doing here?” he bellows at Tessa as she scrambles out of her seat looking scared, and he comes straight to me, taking my face between his hands.
“Are you okay? I got here as soon as I could.” He lowers his volume for me, but there’s no mistaking how pissed he is. Tilting my face up to his, he looks at me with such intensity, triggering my bravado, that I’ve been relying on since Tessa arrived, to disappear. My body begins to tremble slightly, and I can feel the water already pooling in my eyes.
Landon knows exactly what I need, pressing his lips to my forehead with more force than usual. Almost like he’s transferring his strength to me through the kiss. Releasing me, he steps to the side, wrapping his arm tightly around my waist and pulling me into his side.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Tessa mumbles as she shuffles back toward the hallway.
“You stop right there,” Landon growls at her, but she just turns, rushing toward the front door. I can tell he’s about to charge after her, but I don’t want that.
“Let her go,” I demand, turning my body toward him, fisting my hands into his shirt and hanging on as tight as I can.
“But…” he starts, and I cut him off.
“I said no,” I reply forcefully.
We stare at each other, so much emotion circling around us, anger, frustration, fear, but most of all, love.
Sometimes it’s in the depths of despair when your emotions burn the brightest.
Landon doesn’t agree with letting her go, but respects this is my decision. Not giving in entirely, his arms slip around my waist, and he pulls me into his chest. I can still feel the panic radiating from him, which isn’t helping me to calm as quickly as I normally would in his arms. He’s hugging me so tightly, and I swear I hear him whisper, “I’ll never let her hurt you.” That doesn’t make sense to me, and just as I was about to ask him to repeat it, I hear more yelling, which has us breaking apart. I see in his eyes the moment it clicks with Landon who’s yelling.
“Wait… please,” we hear my mom calling from the front of the house, and at the same time, Kade yells out, “Dad, can we move now?”
Hearing Kade’s normal happy voice is like a sudden release of the nervous energy in me, signalling that we’re all okay. I just look at Landon and can’t help it, I burst out laughing. Not just a little giggle but a deep hearty laugh that has me gasping for air.
“Yeah, buddy. Come here.” And before we have time to even move one step, both boys are charging into the kitchen. Kade is already asking questions loudly one after another as he jumps up into Landon’s arms. Nash runs straight to me, wrapping hisarms around my hips, his chin resting on my stomach, and he looks up into my eyes so intently, like he’s checking that I’m okay. Nash feels like he has an old soul in a little boy’s body.
My flustered mother comes rushing into the room next, looking so confused as she glances around the room, seeing both Landon and me laughing as the boys then join in, and we probably look like a bunch of clowns.
I had every range of emotions running through my body, and I didn’t want to deal with any of them. So, like the saying goes, better to laugh than cry. And to be honest, I’m sick of fucking crying.
“Why are we laughing?” Mom asks.
“Yeah, why are we laughing?” Nash looks up into my eyes, looking for an answer to one of the many questions he likely has right now.
“Because, why not,” I say, calmly stroking the top of his head. “I’m sick of feeling sad all the time, so I think we should laugh more. What do you say, want to help me stop being so sad?”
“Yes!” Kade screams out from where he’s perched in Landon’s arms, and then looks at his dad. “Tickle me, Daddy, and make me laugh.” Just watching Kade begging to have Landon make him giggle and squirm has me laughing again too.
