And this is what I’ve missed. Being with Autumn in person and just chatting about anything and everything. Both the appropriate and the totally inappropriate, which makes it even more entertaining.
My best friend has no filter, and that’s just the way I like her.
“Well, that’s not going to happen, so you can stop talking about it. Let’s shift the topic of conversation toyoursex life. I feel like I’ve been living in this little bubble, and I have no idea what’s going on around me.” I pick up my coffee, which is already nearly cold by now, but I could still use the caffeine.
“You might not want to hear this story.” Autumn starts laughing.
“Well, now you have to tell me.” I’m sure this’ll be good.
“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. I was at Landon’s bar a couple of weeks ago with the girls from work. It’s now on our frequent rotation of places to have a drink after work—oh, and to look for hot guys. Anyway, I digress. It was late, and I had a seat at the bar. Landon was in his office, and Adrian announced last call as he walked past me, placing a martini on the bar in front of me. He tells me to take my time and he would give me a lift home once he finished up for the night. Did you know he lives not far from me?”
Oh no, I don’t like where this is going.
“No, because I’ve never met him. But you’d better not be about to say what I think you’re about to say. Autumn, you didn’t, did you? Please tell me you didn’t.” I can feel my bag vibrating next to me on the seat, but I ignore my phone while I wait for her answer.
“Landon thought it was funny,” Autumn replies, trying to smooth it over with me, but it’s not working.
“I don’t give a fuck what Landon thought. Did you sleep with Adrian?” Adjusting myself on the seat, I sit up straighter and glare at her.
“No, there wasn’t any sleeping, but there was most definitely fucking,” she says with a big smile on her face.
“Uggghhhhhh. Seriously. He’s Landon’s business partner. That’s the equivalent of my boyfriend’s best friend. We had a rule, no best friends of the guy we’re dating. What were you thinking?” I can feel my annoyance at Autumn rising, and I don’t know why it’s bugging me so much. I mean, we made that pact over fifteen years ago. Autumn’s a grown-ass woman.
“Your boyfriend, huh?” she says in jest.
“Fuck, not my boyfriend. Friend, neighbor, my mother’s now favorite son, whatever the fuck you want to call him. Someone who’s off limits and so is his business partner. And what does it mean, are you dating him now? Because this is going to get awkward really quickly when you break up. And you will break up because you don’t settle with any guy for very long, and Landon told me that Adrian’s a manwhore.” I’m ranting.
“Settle down, Poppy, it was just a one-night thing. We had fun, that’s it. Neither of us were looking for anything more. It’s cool, so stop stressing.” She’s staring at me hard, trying to work out what’s happening. “Can I just say, if I wasn’t worried before, I am now.” Waving her hand back and forth in the air in front of me, she continues, “Because this right here, the escalation over nothing, this isn’t like you.”
My bag is vibrating again now for the third time in a row. I stick my hand in my purse, fishing around for my phone while I bite back at Autumn.
“That’s because you don’t usually piss me off by doing dumb things,” I snap back at her, while I can hear my subconscious in the back of my head telling me to shut my mouth and take a breath. This is Autumn, we don’t argue like this.
The vibration stops again just as I finally have my phone in my hand. I’m about to drop it back in the bag, except it starts vibrating again, and it’s the thing that makes me snap.
Pulling it out angrily, I don’t even look at it, just swipe to answer so I can get rid of whoever this annoying person is. Haven’t they heard of leaving a message?
“What!” I answer furiously. I’ve never in my life spoken to anyone like this. What is wrong with me?
“Pops, finally. It’s about fucking time you answered. Why haven’t you returned my calls or messages?” And the moment I hear his voice, my stomach drops.
“Dean.” I shudder.
And my world starts to spiral again.
Why does this keep happening to me?
Chapter Fourteen
POPPY
My body was already buzzing in a way I didn’t understand, but Dean’s use of my nickname Pops has set me off in a different way. My agitation is gone, and now my breathing is getting faster. That tightness in my chest is becoming overwhelming, just like when I saw Dean at the hospital. I can’t talk. My mouth dries up. The room starts to spin, and the rush of noise in my ears is deafening. I feel the phone being taken out of my hand. Autumn is talking, but her voice sounds like she’s underwater, and I just can’t work out what she’s saying.
Her voice stops and then starts again. She pushes the phone against my ear, but I don’t want to talk to him. I recoil from the phone, but she pushes it at me again.
“Poppy!” The loud yell of my name’s coming from the phone, but it’s not Dean this time. The deep voice beside me has captured my attention. I can’t hear anything else clearly, but for some reason, I can hear Landon through all the loud buzzing in my ear.
“Concentrate on my voice. I’m here, you’re okay. I’ve got you. Now I want you to slow that breathing down. I can hear every breath you’re taking. It’s way too fast. I want you to take in a big deep breath and hold it for a second, then slowly let it out again.” He keeps talking in that same calm voice he uses every night when I call him. I close my eyes and just listen to him, like he’s my lifeline. His voice becomes my mantra and is my cue for every breath I take. I’ve become so dependent on him, and that’s not fair. I’m not his to take care of. He doesn’t deserve the weight of what I’m carrying on his shoulders. He already carries his own world of worries.
