“Don’t avoid my question, Poppy. When I turned up to see you the day after you arrived home, Landon and the boys were there. That man couldn’t look away from you. It was like you were some kind of magnet for his eyes.” Autumn leans across the table toward me and is about to continue when the waitress walks up to us to take our orders.
Her words describing the way Landon looks at me keep repeating in my head, because they’re true.
After ordering breakfast, I open my mouth to try and change the subject, but Autumn is already straight back at me.
“I just don’t understand you two. It’s so crystal clear that you both want to pick up where you left off. I mean, the man dropped everything, including his kids, and rushed to your side. And you, missy, instead of calling your mother or your best friend, called Landon.” She’s glaring at me now. “Surely that says it all.”
“It’s complicated,” I reply.
“For whom? You or him? Because I think it’s pretty obvious he knows what he wants. It’s written all over his face.” Autumn leans back in her seat, arms crossed and waiting for my answer. I know what she’s like. She won’t give up until she gets some sort of answer out of me.
“Both. Alright?” I admit, throwing my hands in the air.
“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. What’s stopping Landon, and don’t bother saying it’s because you don’t live here, or that he’s worried about the boys. Those things are both easily solved. It has to be something more.”
“Me living in Rochester is not easily solved,” I bite back.
“I disagree, you’re currently living in Boston. Right. Next. Door.” Autumn smirks.
“Temporarily,” I huff.
“But it could be permanent. I mean, I wouldn’t complain. I’d even help you pack up your house.” Autumn is leaning forward again, elbows on the table and smiling at me. “Imagine how much fun it would be to be back in Boston. I’m sure your mom would love to have you back home.”
“Don’t do that. Emotional blackmail concerning my mother is cruel and you know it.” Mentally I can’t take that right now. Autumn’s face softens as she realizes how fragile I still am.
“I’m sorry.” She reaches over the table to grab my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Tell me your reasons why you’ve got your walls up for Landon, instead.”
“I thought you’re supposed to be my best friend. What’s with all the hard-hitting journalism this early in the morning?” I reply.
“This is the first time I’ve had you to myself since you got home. I swear your mom hasn’t been more than two feet away from us when I’ve been visiting,” Autumn whines.
I look around the restaurant for a minute, just trying to collect my thoughts.
“The truth is I don’t know what my answer is.” I shrug. “I feel something for Landon, and it’s deeper than the sexual attraction that was between us at Christmas. But why do I feel that way? Is it just because he came to me when I needed him, took control, and made me feel so safe? Is it the tender kisses he lays on my forehead, or the way he wrapped me in his arms at night when the demons visited my dreams?” Sighing, I’m now the one who’s squeezing Autumn’s hand, looking for support as I dig down deep into my soul. “I’m still so fucked up in the head from the accident and not being able to remember it, that I just don’t think he needs to be dealing with that as well. He has his own life he’s trying to manage and demons to battle.”
“How did your first therapy session go yesterday? I know you said in your message that you liked her, that she’s easy to talk to. And I’m not asking what you talked about, I just want to know, did it help?” Autumn being so tender with me makes it harder to talk. She’s never like this, and that’s why I love her. She’s my hard-ass bitch of a friend. Loud, funny, and she’s got my back every single time. Which I know is what she’s doing now, but I don’t need her sympathy. I need her strength and energy.
“I’m sure it will… eventually,” I remark as we both sit back in our seats so the waitress can place our orders down in front of us.
I look down at the waffles as she starts walking away.
“There is no way I’ll be able to eat all this.” I pick up my knife and fork. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not hungry. It looks so good.” With the first bite, I moan. “Oooohhh, it tastes superb.”
“Why do you think this is my favorite coffee shop?” Autumn mumbles back to me with a mouth full of food.
We settle in to eat before our food gets cold, which gives me a reprieve from the questions. Autumn doesn’t understand that I’ve been asking myself the same things about Landon since I called him that night.
But as much as I thought the conversation would move on, Autumn starts straight up where she left off. The second her last mouthful of food is gone, she opens her mouth to speak.
“Have you two talked about what’s between you?” she says before she takes a sip of coffee.
“No. Landon wanted to talk to me the morning after we got to Boston, but like you said, Mom is always around or otherwise it’s the boys. Kade got sick with a stomach bug, so Landon wouldn’t come over to see me. He was adamant that he should stay away so I didn’t get sick. We talk on the phone, usually late at night. He distracts me from my nightmares so I can sleep. The topics of conversation are light and not about the nightmares, the fire, or what’s happening between us. And now I kind of feel like the opportunity has passed and we’re drifting back into the friend zone. Which is probably safer for the both of us right now,” I concede.
“Bullshit. Have you ever heard of the healing powers of sex? Not like mediocre sex or getting yourself off with a vibrator. But hot, hard, nail-you-to-the-wall kinda sex. I think Landon would make a great healer for that broken leg of yours.” Autumn justlooks at me, trying to hold a straight face. But it doesn’t work. Laughter bursts from both of us.
“The visions I have of him trying to lift me and my annoying cast, holding me against the wall and fucking me. Yeah, so sexy… not,” I get out between laughs.
“I bet if you gave him the chance, Landon would make it work for sure. Just think how good it would feel. All those negative thoughts would disappear for a while, and all you’d be concentrating on is screaming Landon’s name.”
