He lifted his head and looked at me, then sat up. “Yeah.”
I pushed the door toward the doorjamb but didn’t close it. Cutter’s desk faced the mural of a baseball field he and Miri had painted on his wall. I pulled out the chair that was tucked under it, removed the pile of clothing, and sat.
“How are you doing?”
He nodded and then shrugged. “I keep telling myself she’s on vacation, that she’s coming home, but then I remember, she’s not.”
“I know what you mean. I wanted to talk to you about your grandparents.”
“What’s wrong with Grandma and Grandpa?” Cutter’s eyebrows rose.
“My bad,” I said with a heavy sigh. “Kenneth and Victoria.”
Cutter rolled his eyes. “I don’t know why they showed up.”
“Me neither.” Except if I had to guess, it was because they wanted to save face with their friends.We tried,was what they’d go back and say to their church friends. “But they did, and they’d like to get to know you and Nova.”
“What if I don’t want to know them?”
“I’m going to say some adult crap that may or may not make sense, but it needs to be said because I don’t want how I feel or how your mom felt about them to influence your decisions. If you don’t want to know them, then you don’t have to. And if you do or if you want Nova to, then we do it on your terms, but I want you to think about it. Right now, we’re raw. We’re broken, and we’re hurting. Sometimes decisions like this, made when we’re feeling our worst, aren’t made with a full heart.”
“What does that even mean?”
I don’t freaking know.
“It means, if at some point you or Nova decide you want to, you dictate the time, place, and how much of a relationship you want with them. If it’s nothing, then it’s nothing. I will support you one hundred percent. If it’s something where you want them to come for lunch one day, so be it; we’ll have lunch.” I leaned forward, closer to him. “What I’m saying is, you set the rules.”
“Will they try and take Nova away from us?”
This, I didn’t know, but I suspected they might try. “I hired a lawyer before your mom died. Her will states I’m the sole guardian of you and Nova. No one can take you away from me, except the judge, and he’s going to see how much we love each other and rule in our favor. He may ask you some questions.”
“If he asks if your feet stink, I’m going to say yes.”
I lifted my foot and wiggled my toes.
Cutter batted my foot away and laughed. Damn, it sounded nice.
“Canhetake us away?”
Cutter didn’t have to elaborate on who “he” was. I knew. I shook my head. “I’d move heaven and earth for you and Nova. Rememberthat. Get some sleep. Tomorrow, we’ll take it easy because on Monday, you’re playing in a very important game.”
“I think basketball is the only thing keeping my head straight.”
“Well, it’s a good thing baseball starts right away; otherwise, someone might have to knock your melon straight.”
“Har, har,” he said.
“Good night, Cutter,” I said when I got to the door. “I know I’m not your mom, and shit’s going to get rough at times, but never for a second doubt that I love you as if you were my own.” I pulled the door open and stepped into the hallway.
“Toni?”
“Yeah?” I peeked my head in.
“It hurts, knowing my mom is never coming back, but I’m thankful for you, because I couldn’t imagine losing my mom and ending up in foster care or with grandparents who never cared to know us. So, thank you for being our person.”
Words escaped me. I went back into his room and pulled him into my arms. Before I left, I kissed the top of his head and told him I loved him, and then left before he could see me crying.
I closed Miri’s door for the night, not wanting to be in there without her, and made my way to the couch. I could’ve taken the guest room, but my parents were using it.
