“Okay, I won’t.” She took a deep inhale. “But it probably shouldn’t happen again for a while.”
My heart sang with anticipation. A while wasn’t never, and I could live with that.
Chapter 29
Antonia
After dropping a capful of bubble bath into the filling claw-foot tub Miri had in her bathroom, I undressed and stared at my naked body in the mirror.
What I’d initiated with Weston was very out of character for me. I couldn’t recall the last time I had done something so brazen and reckless. It was one thing to be impulsive, to live in the moment, but to use a man I knew liked me for sex was something I never should’ve done.
Except, I enjoyed it and wished the circumstances had been different, because I couldn’t tell whether my heart was there with him or if it was my emotions getting the best of me.
Regardless, leading him on wasn’t an option.
Neither was forgetting.
We’d crossed a line, and it was going to define us moving forward. I knew we’d have to talk about it, because burying it under the rug and acting like it never happened wasn’t the way to live.
My fingers trailed down my neck, ghosting along the marks his stubble had left. I welcomed the sting that came with the roughness, showing me that I was truly alive in the moment and not lost in my grief.
The path of red skin continued over my collarbones and breasts, bringing the vision of him holding me, his head on my heart, while Itook advantage of him. He’d let me use him, likely knowing my head wasn’t right.
“So get it right, Toni. Nothing is stopping you.”
Miri had created a little oasis for herself in her en suite bathroom. She’d painted the walls mauve, added white beadboard halfway up, and wallpapered one wall with pink, yellow, and blue flowers.
She had removed the stand-up shower and replaced it with a claw-foot tub she’d found online or at a resale store. My dad and brother had installed it while Miri put in new tiles.
This was where she’d come to relax at the end of the night. Where she’d soak away the bad and soak in the good.
Before I slipped into the aromatic water, I lit the candles in the corners, turned my music app on, and connected my phone to the speaker.
The hot, bubbly water danced over my skin. I closed my eyes, rested against the cushion, and sighed heavily. A nice bath at the end of the night was something I could easily get used to. My penthouse had a stand-up, two-person shower, and my bathroom lacked life. There was nothing romantic or even friendly about the space, unlike Miri’s.
Opening my eyes, I took in the room again. Of all my times in here, I’d never thought of the bathroom as romantic, but it was. This was where you and your lover spent time together, washing away the negativity of the day so you both went to bed with a clean heart and mind.
I closed my eyes again and imagined Brendan at the other end of the tub, but he wasn’t there because Brendan would never get into a bath. He would’ve balked and said soaking in a tub was a waste of time.
Weston was there, though, with his arms resting along the top of the white tub. He had a devilish smile across his lips and his eyes on mine. He’d put his heart on the line for me tonight when he didn’t have to. He didn’t need to do most of the things he’d done since I arrived in town, but he’d done so because he was a good man.
“A good man who wants to spend time with you, knowing you now have two kids,” I said aloud.
“Because he likes you.” Miri’s words filtered through my mind. I relaxed at the sound of her voice. My tears were instant, falling freely down my cheeks and into the water. My already-broken heart chipped a bit more, knowing I’d never hear her talk to me again or see her smile. How everything between us was nothing but a one-sided memory. There had always been her version and mine, but now I’d only have ours—the way I remembered every moment of our life, friendship, sisterhood.
Promise me you’ll find love.
My eyes shot open. Those were the last words from her. Miri always loved making me promise to do things for her and holding me accountable. But this time was different. She wanted me to be happy and knew deep down that Brendan wasn’t the one to do that. She could always see he was a temporary fixture in my life. Looking back, I would’ve liked to see this as well because I probably wouldn’t have given him four years of my life.
My last words to her, the ones before she closed her eyes and waited for death to come, were “I promise I will.”
Yet another promise I’d made to her and wouldn’t be able to bring myself to break.
The ringtone on my phone shrilled, the sound echoing off the bathroom walls, startling me. I reached for a hand towel to dry my hands and then for my phone. Weston’s name appeared on my screen, and I froze. This wasn’t a text message but a phone call. He wanted to speak to me. My index finger hovered over the screen, waiting for me to make up my mind.
On what was surely the last grating sound, I finally swiped to answer. “Hello?”
“Hi, Antonia. It’s me, Weston.”
