The nurse who had been taking care of my mom made some phone calls, and people showed up. Men who I didn’t know carried my mom out of our house for the last time ever and put her into the back of some nondescript car. The next time we’d see Mom, she’d be in a coffin, and people would come to visit her and say goodbye. But would she hear them?
Within an hour, people were at our house. Coach Schmidt and Coach Levy, Eleni and Flinn, Samira and Vera, and our grandpa arrived, which was a gift. He gave the best hugs.
For the rest of the day, we sat around, no one really doing anything. Nova cuddled into Grandma’s side. Toni talked on the phone with a lot of people, trying to make arrangements for a funeral. Flinn, Eleni, and I sat on the porch. They didn’t talk, but just sat there with me. What could they say?
Sorry?
Sorry wasn’t what I wanted to hear. The word couldn’t fix or change any of what had happened.
After Coach Levy left, Coach Schmidt and my grandpa went and got food for everyone. Not that we could eat, but Grandma insisted there be something for people to munch on.
They returned with food from the diner. Everyone but me and Nova ate a full meal. I picked at some chicken while Nova ate some mashed potatoes. Toni didn’t eat at all.
When she left out the back door, Coach Schmidt followed, but Scout stayed with us. He was a comfort for us, and he seemed to know it. We’d talked about getting a dog a few times. It was probably a good thing we didn’t because who knew if Toni liked them or not.
So much was up in the air about life now, but one thing was certain: Tonight, when I went to bed, my mom wouldn’t be there. She wouldn’t be there when I woke, came home from school, or scored my one-thousandth point. She was gone, and there wasn’t anything I could’ve done about it. No amount of love would’ve kept her here because if that was all it took, she would’ve lived for an eternity.
My grandpa helped me tie my tie. He’d taught me a couple of years ago, but I’d never had an opportunity to wear one. Things were different now.
Toni explained that Nova and I would stand at the back of the church and greet people as they came in. We’d shake their hands or give them a hug, and we’d thank them for coming. She wouldn’t stand with us but would be behind us if we needed her. I didn’t want to do this, but according to Grandma and Grandpa, it was important for the people who were coming to pay their respects.
Everyone wore black, except me, Toni, Nova, our grandparents, aunt, and uncle. We wore purple because it was Mom’s favorite color.She wasn’t a big fan of black, and I wished the people who’d come to pay their respects had worn a different color.
People shook our hands, offered us hugs, and told us how sorry they were. People lined up to greet us, to offer condolences, and to be there to mourn.
For the most part, Toni stayed where she said she would. Even as people sought her out, she stayed behind. It was like she wanted everyone to see the best of Miriam Vaughn—she wanted them to see us.
And then an older man and woman approached, and Toni was next to me, pushing Nova behind us. I had no idea who these people were, but I sensed nothing good was about to happen. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my uncle Rocco in the doorway, looking agitated.
The woman smiled the same smile as my mom, and I knew.
“You could’ve called,” the woman said to Toni.
Toni stood tall, and for the first time, I saw a different side of her. Her jaw locked, and she looked pissed; even when she was upset with me, I’d never seen her so rigid before. “I could’ve, but she didn’t want you there, and I will always do as she asks of me.”
“She was our daughter,” the woman said through tears.
“And you’ve had seventeen years to apologize.”
I swallowed hard as I watched the back-and-forth. While I knew who she was, the word refused to form in my mind. I knew what she had done to my mom when she found out she was pregnant with me.
The woman stepped in front of me. She took my hand in hers. “I’m your grandmother.” Instantly, my eyes sought out my grandma Carmela’s, and she came forward, her hand rubbing up and down my suit jacket.
“Hello, Victoria. It’s been a long time,” Grandma said as Uncle Rocco came over and took Nova away.
The woman tried to grin, but it was lifeless. “I just want to say goodbye to my daughter and meet my grandchildren,” she said. “Certainly, we’re allowed to do that?”
Grandma looked at me and then Toni before looking at the other woman. I couldn’t bring myself to give her any other title.
“We’ll happily talk after the service.”
Grandpa came to me and guided me out of the church with Rocco, Coach Schmidt and Coach Levy, and a couple of men I didn’t know who had worked with my mom. I didn’t get to hear what Victoria and her husband said to Toni, but I imagined whatever she said in return probably wasn’t nice.
The church doors closed, and the reverend stood there while the funeral director guided us in carrying the casket forward. My mom wasn’t in there, though. She’d wanted to be cremated. Half her ashes would be buried, and she’d have a marker with her name on it. The other half would be placed in a box for us to decide what to do with. Toni said we could spread her ashes in her favorite places or have jewelry made with some of them.
The doors opened, and the reverend led everyone into the church and down the aisle. I walked behind the casket and reached for Nova’s hand as soon as I stepped into the vestibule. Everything about this service was what my mom had wanted, with some additions from me and Nova. I wanted to walk and told Nova she could sit with Toni, but she wanted to walk with me.
Once Mom was placed on the pedestal, we took our seats next to Toni. All around, pictures of my mom were on easels. Nova and I were in most of them. So was Toni. But what caught me was the picture closest to us. Mom wasn’t looking at the camera, but the sun. It cast her in an eternal glow, and I imagined this was how she’d gone to heaven.
