“I believe I said something philosophical back then when you found out you were pregnant with Cutter.”
“Something about how he wasn’t an accident?”
I nodded. “Those were wise words back then.” We both laughed because, accident or not, she’d fallen into the same trap and had ended up with Nova.
“Do you remember the promise you made to me that day?”
I thought for a minute and then shook my head. In our three-decade-long friendship, I’d made her a lot of promises. I certainly didn’t want to think about one, only to find out I hadn’t fulfilled my end of things.
“That day, when we lay there under the clouds, I asked if you would take care of them if something ever happened to me. Only at the time, there was one. Now I have two.”
It took a moment, but everything came back to me. That day changed us both. My best friend was going to be a mom and within days would move into our house, while her parents would lose their ever-loving minds. I’d never seen people go batshit crazy before, threatening my parents with baseball bats, all while reciting sermons from their church.
“I remember,” I told her. “But I also distinctly remember me saying nothing would ever happen to you.” Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. I sniffed hard and swallowed the lump in my throat.
Miri reached for my hand. “You and I both know that isn’t true anymore, and I don’t have much time to get everything figured out, but this one is important.” She took a deep, shuddering breath. I didn’twant to look at her, out of fear I would lose it, so I kept my eyes forward and my hand in hers.
“The kids love you, Toni. You’ve been in their lives from day one. I can’t be there for them anymore ...” She trailed off as I looked at her. I could finish her sentence for her, but even words failed me.
She wiped at her tears, but to no avail. They fell like a stream, leaving streaks of wetness on her face.
“Will you take my babies after I’m gone? Will you be their person? Their guardian? Their mother?” She choked out the last word, which shattered my already-broken heart.
I nodded and pulled her into a hug. We both cried. Being Cutter and Nova’s guardian was a no-brainer. I would’ve fought for them, regardless. Miri naming me legally would make things easier for us.
When we parted, I wiped the tears from her face. “You know I love them with my whole heart. Of course I’ll take them.”
“I don’t want to disrupt your life.”
“Don’t worry about me,” I told her. “Everything will work out.” I was lying to myself. When Miri left us, we’d grieve, hard. When she passed, we’d be broken.
“We do have a list of things we need to figure out, Miri. Like the house, your possessions, and your finances. And we’ll need to make sure you have a will, so no one comes knocking on my door to take the kids away.”
I didn’t want to say it out loud, but their father worried me. No one had any idea where he was, and he’d already popped back into Miri’s life on one occasion. Granted, that was eight years ago, but still. News of her passing wouldn’t take long to spread, especially if he was keeping tabs on her from afar. But he was for another day, another time.
I only wanted to think about Miri, the kids, and the uphill battle we faced.
“I have some life insurance through work,” Miri said, pulling me from my thoughts. “It won’t be much, but ...”
“If the kids are the beneficiaries, I’ll move the money into a trust for them,” I told her. “That’ll give them a little something when they’re older.”
Miri nodded. “I’m not sure what to do about the house.”
“I’m not sure, either, but we’ll ask the bank. It might be as simple as adding me to the deed, although that can take time.” I patted her leg. “Either way, tomorrow we’ll do as much as we can before you start treatment. I do need to go to the office on Tuesday, so while you’re at the hospital, Mom will be here for you and the kids. I’ll be back either late Tuesday night or first thing Wednesday morning.”
“This would all be easier if I had stayed in Boston.”
“Miri, this would never be easy, no matter where we were. Losing you is going to destroy me, whether it happens here or there. I don’t know my life without you in it.”
“I don’t know my life without you in it,” she said, repeating my words to me. We hugged again until she snuggled into my arms. I rested my chin on the top of her head and stared into the nothingness.
I had an unpleasant suspicion our time with Miri would be very limited.
Chapter 15
Antonia
After making sure the kids were at school and Miri was settled at the hospital with my mom for treatment, I got on the interstate and headed toward Boston with tears in my eyes. I’d cried, but nothing like now. The sobs came hard and fast, squeezing my throat as I gasped for air. I white-knuckled the drive and entered the city with glassy, red-rimmed eyes, not caring what people thought when we were stuck side by side in traffic. This would be my greatest loss, and I didn’t even know how to begin the process of being okay with what lay in front of me.
