I looked to the sky and pursed my lips. “Why did I think this was your first time here?”
“I’m not sure,” she said. “I was here during Christmas, but when I do come, it’s usually for a weekend, and we tend to stay in.”
“Ah, makes sense. Honestly, I’m either at home or school, especially during the season.”
She smiled kindly, as in one of those “Cool stories but leave me alone” gestures. Antonia walked ahead of me, which allowed me to roll my eyes. Hard. Was I trying to flirt? I didn’t even know, except I shouldn’t flirt because she was off limits.
“Dinner!” Antonia yelled as we walked in. I followed her to the kitchen, where Nova, Carmela, and Miriam were putting out plates, bowls, and glasses.
The doorbell rang, and Cutter yelled that he would get it before thundering down the stairs to the front door. Seconds later, Eleni came into the kitchen.
“Hey, Mr. Schmidt.”
“Eleni, it’s nice to see you.”
This was one of the things I didn’t like about living in a small town: It was hard to escape the students. But on the other hand, I was happy to be with the Vaughns. It was hard to find balance sometimes.
I set the pizza boxes down on the counter, opening each one, and then I stepped back and watched this family. What surprised me the most was Cutter. He guided his mom to sit and then brought her a plate of food. She cupped his cheek, and I thought she was going to kiss him but instead said, “I’m not an invalid yet.”
Miriam laughed, but the rest of us didn’t. Antonia muttered a string of obscenities. Cutter stared at his mom and shook his head. Maybe in this case, laughter was the best medicine.
Cutter caught me watching him. I smiled and wanted to tell him how proud I was of him, but that would be for another day.
Antonia approached and handed me a plate. “You’re eating, right?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Thank you for what you did out there.”
“It was really nothing.”
Antonia looked around the busy kitchen and then back at me. “No, it was everything. Watching you teach Cutter was important. He doesn’t know it now, but someday, he will, and he’ll appreciate how patient you were with him. So, thank you. Like I said, he does need a role model, and Miri really values your relationship with him.”
She put her hand on my forearm and rested it there for a moment. Our gazes met, and we smiled at each other longer than what acquaintances would do. Her hand dropped slowly, brushing the side of my pants. I wasn’t sure if she realized what she’d done or if I was thinking too deeply, but she inhaled and then stepped to the boxes of pizza.
“Coach, you gonna eat?”
Once again, Cutter’s voice brought me back to reality and the family before me. They all looked happy despite everything that was going on.
Chapter 14
Antonia
All night, I had my phone in my hand, snapping pictures and taking videos of Miri with the kids, with me, with my mom, and of her smiling. I even captured moments between Cutter and Eleni, and Cutter with Weston. I wanted to remember this night. The laughter, the smiles, the overall feeling of love flowed from everyone, even Weston and Eleni. It was such a warm evening, everyone gathered around the small table.
At the end of the night, I drove Eleni home. She and Cutter sat in the back seat, two lovestruck teenagers with their futures brightly in front of them. Every so often, I glanced in the rearview mirror at Cutter, who was being strong and determined to mask his emotions with his girlfriend.
I didn’t blame him for not telling her, but then again, I questioned why he hadn’t. Surely, she’d be someone he could lean on for support. He was going to need it.
Hell, I was going to need it.
I didn’t have the first clue how to handle grief. I’d lost my grandparents, and while their passing had saddened me, my heart didn’t feel anything like it did now. It was so hard to breathe, and I felt like there were a thousand pinpricks jabbing into me. It didn’t matter howmany times I rubbed my chest, or closed my eyes to inhale and exhale, the pain was there because my heart was breaking.
It was breaking for me, knowing that I would wake up one day and Miri would be gone. I wouldn’t be able to call her, hug her, or bask in her presence. I wouldn’t be able to tell her I was getting married or have her stand next to me when I said “I do.” She wouldn’t be there for the little things, the everyday things that I had learned to count on throughout my life.
It was breaking for Cutter, knowing he wouldn’t come home to his mom after school or find her in the stands, cheering him on. He wouldn’t get to tell her he had met the love of his life or have her hold him after his first breakup.
It was breaking for Nova, knowing she was going to grow up without her mom. She was never going to look out and see her mom in the audience at her dance recital. She was never going to be able to tell her mom she was going to be a mom herself.
