Toni walked toward the back of the yard, which I was grateful for because I didn’t want Eleni’s parents to hear us.
“Was that a condom?”
I nodded, knowing there was no point in hiding it.
“Jesus,” she muttered as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “Do you know how to use it?”
The question caught me off guard and took a minute for me to answer. I slowly shook my head.
“Jesus,” she said again. “Do you have another one?”
I nodded, reached into my pocket, and set it in her outstretched hand.
“You know your mom had you when she was a teen, and she wouldn’t want this for you. I can’t tell you not to have sex, although I wish you’d wait. I’d rather have you prepared.” She ripped open the packaging and held it out for me to see.
“Do you see this edge?” She continued after I’d nodded and explained how this was the right way to put it on. She gave me a demonstration using her hand and arm, all while muttering “Jesus” every five seconds. She showed me how far one could stretch, which, honestly, I had no idea. Toni took it off and stuffed it into her back pocket, along with the wrapper.
“There is never an excuse not to wear one,” she said.
“Do you use them?” I don’t know why I asked such a personal question.
“Yes, I do,” she said pointedly. “Sex changes things between people, Cutter. It’s emotional and healthy, but it can be damaging. You respect everything Eleni says about how she’s feeling, and when she says ‘No,’ ‘Stop,’ ‘We can’t,’ or whatever else, you freaking stop. Do you hear me? You don’t coerce her. You don’t tell her it’s going to make her feel good. Nothing. You get up and walk away.”
I nodded.
“I’d really like for you not to have sex, but I can’t stop you. However, tomorrow, we’re having the talk and we’re going to discuss everything because ...” She looked at the house and shook her head.
“I know.”
“If you don’t want to talk to me, you can talk to Weston. Knowledge is power here, Cutter. This isn’t something you do on a whim or because your hormones are driving you to it.”
“I love her.”
Toni nodded and pulled me into a hug. “You’re going to be the death of me,” she said to me. “Please be careful.”
“I will.”
We went back into the house. Weston stood in the kitchen, watching for us.
“Everything good?”
I nodded. “Yep.” I didn’t bother going upstairs to take another condom out of the box. Tonight wouldn’t be the night, no matter how eager I was.
Once the corsages and boutonnieres were on, we stood for what felt like an eternity taking photos. When the limo finally arrived, we cheered. Toni had set it up so that it would drive us around town while we sipped on sparkling cider, and then drop us off at the dance. It wouldn’t be a long ride, but it was a bright spot in my life since my mom passed away.
Chapter 36
Antonia
Summer blew by in the blink of an eye. I don’t know whose eye, since I could barely remember it. If we weren’t at baseball, we were in an overcrowded convention center for basketball with multiple games going on at the same time, with coaches yelling, parents cheering, and referees blowing whistles.
And when we weren’t watching basketball, we were in the ballpark, under the lights, until all hours of the night. I told Weston that next year we were traveling with a pop-up camper because seeing Cutter sleep under the metal bleachers or under a tree—wherever he could find shade—didn’t sit well with me. Not to mention, I hated that he ate poorly while we were on the road. The fast and processed foods drove me bananas. Cutter was a growing boy and needed proper nutrition.
Weston said there may not be a next year because Cutter could get an offer to play for a school, and then he wouldn’t have to travel for exposure. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Before, when Miri would tell me stories, I felt bad for her having to be away from home all the time. But now that I’d done it and was that mom in the front row, I sort of enjoyed it.
Maybe Weston would have to start coaching Nova in softball or something. I didn’t even know if she wanted to play, but I was going to miss this.
Nova couldn’t care less and had spent most of her time with my parents. She preferred to be pampered by Grandma and Grandpa than to follow her brother across the country for tournaments. Couldn’t say I blamed her. My parents doted on her, and she had a good thing going with a horse trainer near my parents. Every weekend, my dad took Nova to the stables, where she learned to muck the stalls, ride, and care for the horses.
