The Girl Scout horse camp had given Nova a sense of belonging. Her therapist said she’d seen a positive change in Nova, and she was smiling more. The research I’d done showed that horses had an innate ability to comfort their riders. Nova needed that. She still had nightmares, but they were less frequent, mostly thanks to Scout.
Ever since we moved into Weston’s while the house was being remodeled, Scout had slept with Nova. She curled up with the dog like she had with her teddy bear. He didn’t seem to care that she needed to hold on to him every night. Scout stayed and never left her side. He even went to my parents’ with her.
Moving into Weston’s when we did was the right thing to do. The day after we’d moved most of our clothing and necessities to his house, two pipes burst. One in the upstairs bathroom, which flooded the flooring and ceiling, and a sewer pipe in the basement. Both were a shitty experience. No pun intended.
I had already planned to replace the flooring but hadn’t thought about the ceiling. By the time the house was scheduled to be done, it would be mostly brand new. The clapboard siding would come down in the fall, replaced with vinyl siding. A privacy fence was going up out back because I wasn’t comfortable with Nova being out there by herself. After I’d gotten through the dead brush and shrubs, I found a dirt road leading into the woods not far from the house. That was enough of anope for me. Miri had always wanted a white fence, and that was what it was going to be.
The kids and I had gone through Miri’s stuff over the past few months. We weren’t ready to get rid of anything yet. Her belongings would go into totes and into a protected storage unit until the kids were ready. I knew I’d never be ready to part with her stuff. After the remodel, her room would become mine, and the guest room would go back to being an office and where my parents stayed when they visited.
I was still unsure about sleeping in there because it was Miri’s space, but the kids were insistent, especially with Weston moving in. They wanted this to be a home where we were all happy and feeling welcomed.
In our search, we’d found hand-sketched drawings of how she’d wanted the house to look. The kids asked if we could do what their mom had planned, and I immediately said yes. This was their house, and that was something I held on steadfastly to. Regardless of the impending adoption, when they were ready to sell or do whatever, it was theirs.
What hurt was when Cutter said he didn’t want the baseball diamond on his wall anymore. I didn’t fight him about it, but told the contractors to preserve the wall as best they could and put it in the garage. I didn’t know what I’d do with it, but it would be there if Cutter ever wanted to see his mom’s work.
Nova followed Cutter’s decision as well, but she left her room purple because it was her mom’s favorite color. The hand-painted solar system would go in a frame, on Nova’s wall.
One of the things I planned to do next spring was buy and raise chickens. I had no idea what possessed me to even consider this, but being as it was something Miri had wanted to do, the idea had grown on me. Weston and I mapped out a space for the chickens and found the perfect coop online. He volunteered to rebuild the one we had already, but by the time the chicks would be ready, he’d be in full baseball season and wouldn’t need the hassle.
Today, we were visiting the University of Richmond. The coach had reached out to Cutter about a visit to campus. Normally, they’d fly prospective members of their team to Virginia, but Weston had told the coach we were traveling and could swing by. This way, both of us were there: me as Cutter’s mom and him as Cutter’s coach.
Cutter was excited, and honestly, so was I, even though I missed Miri terribly and wished she were here to see her boy shine. He’d grown a couple more inches since her passing and had somehow maintained his honor roll status despite losing his mom.
Weston drove through campus, but not before I could snap a photo of the Spider mascot on the gates. I hadn’t paid attention to many colleges until March Madness, when Cutter made me fill out a bracket, but the Richmond logo with the Spider mascot was pretty cool.
“We’ll have to go to the school store,” I said as we looked for a parking spot. “Cutter will want something.”
“Cutter’s right here,” he said, laughing. When Miri died, I thought he was going to turn into an unruly teen, defying me every chance he could. He hadn’t. For a while, when I’d first arrived, things were touch and go with his attitude. I thought that was probably normal for any teenager experiencing a change in hormones.
He added, “Yeah, yeah. I want something from the store. Is that better?”
I glanced over my shoulder and smiled. He was such a bright spot in my life. I couldn’t imagine not having him or Nova filling my days. I was so grateful to Miri for asking me to become their guardian, and then the kids for asking me to adopt them. They had completed my life.
Well, and Weston. He was a pretty amazing addition.
Weston parked near the baseball facility, and we got out. Cutter and Weston walked a pace ahead of me and my short legs. I took the opportunity to look around as I trailed behind. The campus looked beautiful. I’d gone to a city school, and we had very little green space unless we went downtown to the park. Here, there was rolling green, lush land.
“Weston, thanks for coming.”
The voice of a man dressed like he was about to play baseball bro-hugged Weston. “Cutter, I’m Coach Sisto,” he said as they shook hands.
“This is my mom, Toni,” Cutter said, introducing us. He referred to me as Mom because it was easy, but I’d always be Toni at home, and I was more than okay with it. I didn’t need the title because I had his and Nova’s love and affection. They treated me with respect and kindness, and they came to me with any issues.
One of those issues was Eleni. I liked her. A lot, actually. She was very nice to Nova, which was important to me, and extremely respectful and polite. She reminded me a bit of Miri when she was seventeen and in love with the wrong guy. Not that Cutter and Eleni were wrong for each other; there were things like college, sports, and discovering who he was that I wanted to see Cutter excel at.
Ever since prom, Eleni had mentioned a couple of times that she planned to follow Cutter to college so they could be together forever. This worried me. If he earned a scholarship or even a spot on a team to play either basketball or baseball, that was where his focus would need to be. Not on his high school girlfriend.
Coach Sisto held the door open and waited for me as I lagged, lost in my thoughts. I vaguely remembered getting a tour of Boston University all those years ago but couldn’t tell you a dang thing about it. I’d opted to live off campus with Miri and Cutter. They were far more important.
The tour started with Coach Sisto showing us one of the dorm rooms. It was as big as Cutter’s room but made smaller by another bed, dresser, and desk. I watched him for a reaction to see if I could gauge where his mind was. He kept his face stoic, asked questions we had prepared earlier, and listened intently. I was proud of him.
After a quick stop in the cafeteria, we made our way to what Weston and Cutter deemed the important stuff: the athletic facilities. All the state-of-the-art gizmos and gadgets were lost on me. The tour included methods and tools to keep Cutter healthy and safe, the “newest” intechnology for this and that, a weight room to rival every other school in the division ... the list went on and on and didn’t interest me as much as it did my guys.
Two hours later, we were back on the road and heading north. Cutter talked excitedly with Weston about the school and filled me in on the process of applying. He would still play in his high school season next year and would have to make a decision by the first of May, which was national signing day.
All I knew was that if Cutter could land a scholarship to play ball—that would be the best thing for him. It would give him purpose, something to live for, and the ability to chase his dreams.
We stopped in Boston for the night, for no other reason than to check on my penthouse. I hadn’t given it up yet and wasn’t sure I planned to. It was a nice little getaway, albeit a rather expensive one. We made it a point to get here at least one weekend a month. Although with it being this close to the water, the kids now wanted a boat.
