She steels her spine and puts her best professional face forward. The one I haven’t seen in a while. The one she always used to wear when she first got here.
“I think it’d be best if we were more careful right now. We don’t need to give anyone else a reason to make this worse for us.”
I think I’m going to be sick.
“I’m going to...” She points up, telling me she needs to get back to work. “Let me handle this, okay? I’ll take care of it.”
That’s the last thing I want her to do. I want to figure this out together. I want to protect her from all the bullshit that’s running circles in her head right now.
But there she goes, being adamant about taking care of herself again.
I’m desperate to ask her if we’re okay. If we’ll be okay. But I’m also terrified of the answer.
So, I don’t ask.
I just let go back to her office alone.
After I give myself some time outside, wrapping my head around what the fuck just happened, I swing by her office to let her know I’m heading out.
But when I go to turn the handle, I find that, for the first time ever, her door is locked.
41
Emmett
I can’t sleep.
It’s the only time since Arthur’s retirement party that Reese and I have actively chosen not to stay together. Of course, there are the nights on the road we can’t get to each other, or the two days she was away for an owners’ meeting. But we’ve neverchosento be apart.
Until tonight.
I didn’t choose shit, actually. And after being alone for more than twenty years, I’ve very quickly become terrible at sleeping without her next to me.
But even if she were lying in bed with me, I’m not entirely sure sleep would find me anyway. Guilt is too busy gnawing away as I toss and turn. Stress is too demanding of my attention for me to find any sense of calm.
It’s taken everything in me not to call her. To apologize for putting her in this position and for not protecting her the way I should’ve. It was selfish, asking her to come to Miller’s wedding with me. I was greedy, and now look where that gotus.
But I haven’t called her tonight because I’m afraid if I say anything right now, it’ll push her to make a decision she’ll feel obligated to make.
Reese didn’t have to spell it out for me. I already know that if she steps down as president, I’ll be able to keep my job. Scottwantsme to keep my job.
If and when news got out about Reese and me, it would be a whole lot less damning if she were simply the distant team owner and not my direct supervisor on the baseball side of the business. If she didn’t directly control my contract extension, if she wasn’t involved in the daily decision-making, there wouldn’t be a whole lot to say.
And that’s exactly why she’s going to give up her position.
She’s going to step down to keep my job safe.
There’s also the option that maybe she’ll end things with me and try to protect me that way.
I’m not good with either of those outcomes.
Another question swirling in my mind is if Reese does hand over the presidency to Scott, allowing us to stay together, how long until the resentment builds? Another man has already tried to take this from her, and though I’m not going about it in the same way, if she lost her job, the result would be the same. How could she not resent me for losing the only thing she’s ever wanted?
Even if she did decide to fight it and Scott gives those photos to certain journalists who simply want to sell a story without knowing the facts,Ican’t handle watching her go through the hate again. She doesn’t deserve that.
If we had more time, if Scott hadn’t insisted this happen tomorrow, we could come up with a plan to get our story out in the right way. Weshould’vealready done that, but Reese wasn’t ready, and I don’t blame her. She just got through hell with the press. She’s not ready for another round.
Lying here, alone in my dark apartment, I’m done.
