Reese’s expression is full of apology, as if she’s the one who needs to apologize for leaving earlier when I was the one who ran her off.
She shifts on her heels as a pink hue flushes her cheeks. “No one else has ever been in this condo before. It’s another one of my safe spaces, I suppose. Another place I can hide.”
Oh.
Her nervous energy suddenly makes complete sense, and the gravity of what she’s telling me settles onto my shoulders. Her allowing me to see her home feels a lot like she’s allowing me to seeher.
That realization changes this entire interaction. She’s not tense because I was too honest with her earlier. She’s nervous because she’s trying to do the same.
Suddenly, the five feet of entryway between us feels like too much distance.
“I’m sorry for running off earlier.”
“No.” I take a single step in her direction. “No, Reese. I shouldn’t have thrown all that on you, especially there.”
“It’s just that, I don’t have the luxury of letting my walls down in public, Em.”
“I know. I knew better than to do that, and I’m sorry.”
“So, I guess that’s why I wanted to bring you here. This place makes me feel safe to be myself.” Her eyes meet mine. “Youmake me feel safe to be myself.”
I want to cover the space between us, to take away the distance. But I can tell by the way she’s hesitating that she’s trying to conjure the words she needs to say to me.
And I want to hear every single one of them.
“You’re a safe man, Emmett. I know that might not seem like the most glowing of compliments, but I promise you, you being safe is everything to someone like me.”
Safe.Maybe if I were young, I wouldn’t love the description. But as a grown man who knows better, safe is the only word I want her to use to describe me. It’s the only way I want her to feel around me.
Her honesty has me frozen in the entryway of her condo, unable to tear my eyes off her and praying that she keeps going.
“I think that might be your superpower. Being safe.”
Her ocean eyes are soft but look like they might well up at any moment, and I have a feeling whatever she’s about to say could make mine do the same.
“You make your players on the team feel safe enough to come to you with whatever they need. You made the Rhodes boys feel safe enough to think of you as both a father and a friend. You made Miller feel safe enough to know that she was going to be loved by you when she lost her mom. And Claire...” Reese smiles sadly. “You made her feel safe enough that when it was her time to go, she knew she could leave her daughter with you. I can’t imagine the relief she must have felt, knowing her daughter would be safe with you.”
It’s hard to breathe. I’m unable to swallow past the lump in my throat. It’s more overwhelming than I assumed it’d be, being seen in this way by someone you desperately want to know every part of you.
“And me,” Reese continues. “You make me feel safe enough that when I’m around you, I can take off my armor. Even when I have to continue wearing it around everyone else. When I’m with you, you allow me to shut off my brain because it feels safe enough to know that everything will be taken care of, and I don’t have to be the one to handle it.”
She swallows, seeming like she’s on the verge of crying, and it’s then I realize I’ve never seen her cry. Even over the past week, while she was being torn to shreds, she didn’t cry.
Reese straightens her shoulders, and boldly says, “My heart has waited a long time to be wanted by someone like you, and that terrifies me.”
And now I’m positive all the oxygen has left the room. I certainly can’t seem to find any.
“Why does that scare you, Reese?”
“Where do I start?” She breathes a sad laugh.
“Anywhere. Start anywhere. Just tell me everything.”
“Well.” She gestures in my direction with frustration. “I’m scared because I tried and failed to stay away from you. I’m scared of what the headlines would say if anyone found out. I already feel traumatized from this last week as it is. I’m scared for your job, regardless that you say you’re willing to lose it. ButI’mnot willing for you to lose it. And I’m scared that the one thing I’veeverwanted, which was this career, feels overshadowed by how much I want you.”
Those final three words play on a loop as I take a step toward her.
“I’m scared of this career slipping through my fingers before it’s really even begun, which is also exactly how I feel about you. And most days, those two things don’t feel like they can coexist, so that’s scary too.”
