“Being around you has made me realize how many unresolved issues I have. Here I am, sitting in this luxury hotel, celebrating the man who single-handedly tore my heart to shreds. I keep telling myself that I’m doing this for my children, but I don’t know if I’m ready. Most days, I don’t know whether I want to hugyou or stomp your head into the concrete. Most days, I settle on both.”
“Talk to me. Tell me everything you’re feeling right now,” he urged.
I tilted my head back to try and get my emotions in check, but I wasn’t sure it was actually working.
“You left me. I understood that you had to serve time, but it’s deeper than that. You never came back for me. Here I was thinking you were miserable in prison, and you’ve been living your best life. A rap sensation, huh? I guess I wasn’t as important to you as you made it seem.”
“Come on, Cocoa. You know it wasn’t that simple.”
“It seems pretty simple to me. You got out of prison and never bothered to look for me, but you had time to buy yourself a nice ass house and get acclimated to the lavish lifestyle of a global superstar. I guess I should direct my anger back to myself because I stupidly waited for you to change your mind after all of these years. I convinced myself you would one day have a change of heart and come find us, but it never happened. My momma was right when she told me our love was nothing more than kid feelings.”
“You got me fucked up, Cocoa. There’s so much you don’t understand. I ain’t want you to put your life on hold for me, so I set you free. I thought I was doing the right thing while trying to make sure you were able to have the future you deserved. That shit broke a nigga down in the worst way, so don’t ever question my love for you.” Keynauri stepped closer, but I pulled away.
“You didn’t love me. If you did, you would have never left me all by myself. When I told you I was pregnant, I was terrified. The only thing that gave me peace was the thought that we would be in it together. I was gonna be there for you, and I thought you would be there for me. Instead, you told me to get rid of them and completely cut me out of your life.
“Do you have any idea what that did to me? To lose the one person in my life whom I could always count on. You used to tell me how special I was, but I couldn’t have been special enough, because you walked away and never looked back.”
My tears were uncontrollable, but I couldn’t focus on anything in particular. His arms wrapped around me, and my body melted in his embrace. It had been so many years since I truly felt safe, and he was the reason behind it.
“I’m so sorry, Cocoa. I never meant to hurt you. The only thing I ever wanted to do was protect you, and I thought that was what I was doing.”
I sobbed harder, allowing all my pent-up emotions to come out. Keynauri kept me in his arms as he took a seat on the edge of my bed. I straddled his lap with my head buried into his chest, while he rubbed my back. My sobs turned to whimpers, and eventually, my eyes grew heavy. Keynauri rocked me slowly while singing to me. It reminded me of our past when he would sing to calm me down.
My arms were wrapped around his torso as I relished in the calmness his presence brought me. His lips lightly pressed against the top of my head, and within a matter of minutes, I found myself drifting off to sleep. I wasn’t sure how much time passed, but when he attempted to lay me down, I jolted from my sleep.
“Are you leaving?” I probed, glancing over at the clock on the nightstand. It was a quarter after midnight, so I had been in his arms for a couple of hours.
“Yeah, I have to get up early for my interview and photo shoot. I want to take the kids out later on, but maybe we could do something together, too. We still have a lot of things we need to talk about.” His hands were stuffed inside his pockets, and the energy in the room felt awkward.
“Do you have to go? I really don’t want you to go.” Normally, I wasn’t comfortable being vulnerable, but I needed to be in his presence a little while longer, and being prideful wouldn’t get me what I wanted.
“Umm, I can stay if it’s what you want.”
“Please.” I patted the empty spot next to me. It had nothing to do with sex, but more so comfort.
“You can get anything from me.” Keynauri declared, sending my heart into a frenzy.
I watched as he pulled his shirt over his head and then removed his jewelry, setting the pieces on the dresser. When he slid off his pants, I held my breath in order to gain control over my hormones.
Keynauri chuckled but made no comment about the way I was gawking at him. Instead, he climbed into bed with me, pulling my body into his. The heat from his body comforted me in an unexpected way. I found myself snuggling deeper into him.
“I love you, Cocoa. I know we have a lot of shit we have to work through, but I don’t want to fight with you. My life is going through a lot of great changes, but it doesn’t mean anything if you and I aren’t on the same page. I want you right here to celebrate every milestone because if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have ever taken my music seriously. I made a lot of mistakes I can’t take back, but if you give me a chance, I’ll do everything I can to make up for it. It’s gonna take some time for me to earn your trust back, but I promise I’m willing to put in the work.”
He kissed the side of my neck, and my body shuddered. I wanted to believe everything he was saying, but I wasn’t sure if I could trust him. Too much time had passed, and I wasn’t sure if it was safe to let my guard down anymore. For that moment, I decided to let my guard down temporarily, but I couldn’t say what I would feel in the morning.
My eyes grew heavy as sleep found me again. I backed myself even deeper into his body and fell asleep. For the night, I would relish the peace I found in him.
“Good job, today. The media training has been paying off, and the fans are eating it up. We booked you two more interviews next week. I know you wanted to take a few days off, but we’re gonna have to put it on hold for now. You are a hot topic right now, and we need to strike while the iron is hot,” Fatima rambled. She was my PR rep and manager’s assistant, but she might as well have been my manager because she was constantly barking out orders.
“Come on, Fatima. I told you I needed those days off so I could take my kids on vacation before I officially started my tour. You told me you would be able to get the shit done.” I was fuming. I’d already promised my babies I would take them to a water park, and they were excited to go.
“Well, you’ll need to reschedule. You are the hottest thing out right now, and everyone wants a piece of you. Now, hurry up and get changed. Golden will be here any minute, and we have some things planned for the two of you.”
I groaned, knowing they were about to be on some bullshit. Since I signed to the label, they had been trying to push the woman on me. For some reason, they believed linking me with someone famous would create buzz, but I didn’t understand how those things were correlated.
Everyone claimed I needed to watch the magic happen, so I left it alone. We met a couple of times, and the blogs were posting about it before we made it back to our cars. I wasn’t into social media, so a lot of it went over my head. The only thing I could say was that my record sales increased when we were together, so I decided not to give them too much push back about it.
The photo shoot lasted for a little over an hour, and I tried not to let my true emotions show on my face. Golden showed up, and the photographer took a few photos of her. I’d admit, she was a gorgeous woman. Her name fit her, as she was a golden-brown beauty. Her body was slim and petite, as you would expect from most models, but she possessed a handful of curves that added to her sex appeal.
