Lord Rutland lifted his chin and, with a slight curl of his lip, turned his head away and looked again at the young lady he had been speaking with. As Clara watched, still struggling to take her attention from him, she saw the lady offer Lord Rutland herdance card, saw the eager hope in her eyes and felt her own heart shatter.
He has forgotten me, then.
It was, of course, quite reasonable for him to have done such a thing and Clara knew full well she ought not to have expected anything else but all the same, there was something about watching him delight in another that tore her to pieces. Tears filled her eyes and, before she could prevent them, some fell to her cheeks.
"Clara!" Alice was there in a moment, pressing a handkerchief into Clara's hands, coming around to face her. "Whatever is the matter?"
Unable to speak, Clara pressed the handkerchief to her tears and then closed her eyes, giving Alice a mute shake of her head as a response. Turning, her eyes now fixed to the floor, she made her way to the side of the ballroom, desperate now to be as far from Lord Rutland as she could.
The agony of their separation came to the surface all over again, the same pain and sorrow and upset tearing at her... but there was nothing she could do but endure.
3
Josiah looked askance at his friend. "I am not sure about this."
"You are not sure about anything," Lord Worthington replied, with a sigh and a wave of his hand. "Goodness, my friend! It is only the fashionable hour."
Sitting back in the carriage, Josiah let his head loll back against the squabs, his heart heavy. He had been in London now for a little over a sennight but within that time, he had been introduced to so many new acquaintances, it nearly made his head spin. He had told himself it was a good thing, however, for he was then able to set Lady Clara right out of his thoughts and instead focus on the young ladies who were interested in his company, even if he himself had no intention of pursuing any of them. That being said, it was still a difficulty when it came to seeing Lady Clara. He had often caught sight of her, given that they attended the same social occasions. They had not spoken as yet and Josiah had no intention of entering into any sort of conversation with her at any juncture.
"If you truly do not wish to attend, then the carriage can take you to the other end of the park, which might be a little quieter." Lord Worthington's tone had lost some of the frustration whichhad sat within it before now. "You are still a little melancholy, I know, even though you do your best to hide it from us all."
Josiah sent a sharp look towards Lord Worthington but his friend only smiled and shrugged as if to ask what else Josiah expected, given that they were very close friends indeed. A scowl began to pull at his lips, only for Josiah to sigh and then scrub one hand over his face.
"I am not as melancholy as I was," he stated, as his friend nodded his agreement. "I am only a trifle sorrowful, which is an improvement."
"And is there any reason for that melancholy still?"
Another long sigh broke from Josiah's lips, aware that his friend still had not heard the truth and was, clearly, still hoping to understand it. He did not have the strength nor the desire to continue to keep it all a secret and, with another long breath, he spread out his hands. "I was in love. That is all."
Lord Worthington's eyebrows shot towards his hairline. "Love?"
Josiah nodded. "Yes. With a young lady."
"You were in love?" Lord Worthington's astonishment seemed to know no bounds. "I would never have thought that you, being the sort of gentleman you are, would have ever allowed yourself to fall in love."
"Well, I did." Somewhat embarrassed given his friend's strong reaction, Josiah winced and then shrugged, looking away from Lord Worthington. "I fell in love with Lady Clara. My estate is a short distance from her brother's estate and, for some reason, we were never introduced. Not until last November." He did not hear Lord Worthington's swift intake of breath, his mind going back to the very first moment he had seen Lady Clara. She had come into the room on the arm of her brother, her eyes curious and her smile gentle. The way her gaze had caught his and the pink which had instantly flushed her cheeks had caughta hold of him and Josiah, even now, could not help but think of that moment with pleasure. "We quickly found ourselves eager to continue on our connection but Christmas Day and Twelfth Night were fast approaching."
"And so you decided to wait until after the festivities to speak with her brother," Lord Worthington correctly assumed. "But what then? Why is it that you are not engaged or married to her now?"
Pain struck Josiah so hard, he had to grit his teeth for a moment or two. "Because," he began, trying to speak with great care so as not to cause himself any further injury, "even though we had shared a kiss and a promise --- a promise that she would accept me when the time came --- I received a letter."
Lord Worthington's brows furrowed.
"This letter stated that we could no longer be connected in the way we had been," Josiah continued, his heart beginning to ache as the words on his lips sent arrows to his heart. "She told me that it was all at an end, that I was not to speak with her brother and that she could not see me again. And then the letter ended and that was that."
There came silence between them for a few moments, only for Lord Worthington to let out an exclamation. "That is all? There was no reason given for her sudden departure from you?"
Josiah shook his head no. "My letters were returned to me, unopened and unread. I can only assume that she was playing me for a fool, pretending to be interested in me and my company."
"That does not make much sense, does it?"
The question had Josiah looking back at his friend with interest. "Why do you say that?"
"Because a young lady of her standing, with her reputation and the like... she would need to be very careful indeed! To have her connection with you known by others only to then pull away,well that might very well damage her good standing. That is very risky indeed, especially if she is a young lady of quality who intended to come to London for the Season!"
Josiah shrugged. "As I have said, no real reason was given," he said, with another small sigh. "My letters were unanswered, my desires pushed aside and my heart left to shatter. That is why I have been so downhearted for my only thought is that she was speaking falsely when she told me of her affections. But my heart cannot believe that --- or it simply refuses to, I cannot tell which."
Lord Worthington let out air between his teeth and shook his head. "That is a very poor state of affairs." His expression suddenly brightened. "But she is here in London now, is she not? Why do you not speak with her?"
