"Capital!" Lord Atherstone grinned at Clara and then lowered his head to sign his name. Clara swallowed again and looked at her brother with sharp eyes but he only smiled, seeming to believe that she was contented by what he had done. Did he think Lord Atherstone a good match? A gentleman thatClara should easily be able to consider? She herself did not want to think of anyone, not in any serious way. Not when her heart was still holding onto Lord Rutland despite the foolishness of that.
But he cannot understand,Clara thought to herself, as Lord Atherstone handed her back the dance card with a flourish.He has never been in love before. He does not know what it feels like to have one's heart both completely broken and filled with love at the same time.
"The waltz, then!" Lord Atherstone beamed at her as Clara put the ribbon back around her wrist. "I am very glad indeed to have been able to secure your waltz, Lady Clara. I am already looking forward to the moment we might step out together."
Clara smiled, thanked him and then stood silently as both he and her brother began a conversation about their time back together in Eton. She did her best to listen politely, to ignore the memories that began to plague her but, as hard as she tried, they continued to push into her mind, reminding her of the last waltz she had shared.
That waltz had been filled with anticipation, with hope and excitement such as she had never known before. She had looked into Lord Rutland's eyes and had felt her heart sing for the joy of simply being in his arms, knowing that he had every hope of something more between them. That had been the waltz where she had felt sure of her future, where she had been fully able to believe that soon, she would be engaged and ready to step into her role as his wife. The kiss that had followed, the first kiss she had ever received, had only served to encourage those beliefs, leaving her to think she was standing on a solid foundation of love and commitment... before her brother had demanded that it all shatter beneath her feet.
"Clara? What say you to that?"
Clara looked up at her brother, warmth infusing her cheeks. "I beg your pardon, brother. I was quite lost in thought."
"Thinking of our waltz, no doubt!" Lord Atherstone chuckled, winking broadly at Clara who did not even smile in response, thinking the comment a touch arrogant.
"Lord Atherstone was suggesting that we take a walk through the park tomorrow afternoon, a little before the fashionable hour," Lord Tyrone replied, a slight sharpness to his eye. "What say you to that?"
Clara hesitated. She did not want to walk with Lord Atherstone and most certainly did not want her brother to encourage a connection between them! He was not even acquainted properly with her as yet and what she had seen of him was not something she was drawn to in any way.
Especially when I compare him to Rutland.
"I am sure that a walk ---"
"Clara! Tyrone! How wonderful to see you here!"
Before Clara could finish her response, arms were flung about her neck with a kiss then pressed to her cheek.
"I did not know that you would be here! I thought to write to you but I confess that I was so very excited by all that the Season was to offer me, I became very distracted indeed. Though now that I am here and now that we are in company again, such a thing does not seem to matter, does it?"
Breathless, it took Clara a few moments to recognize her cousin, Lady Alice. "Goodness, Alice, you nearly knocked me off my feet!"
Her cousin laughed and then grasped Tyrone's hand. "And you, Lord Tyrone? How do you fare this Season? Are you too looking for a match?"
Clara was forced to hide a smile as her brother began to bluster, his eyes a little wider than before, his cheeks reddening. "I --- I am not at liberty to discuss such things," he said, as if thatwere some great secret he had to keep to himself. "Good evening to you also, Alice. Might I ask where your father and mother are?"
Alice chuckled and Clara dared a glance at Lord Atherstone. He was looking at Alice with interest which, in some ways, made Clara feel relieved given that his gaze was no longer fixed upon her. "My mother and father are presently at my father's holdings across the water," she informed them. "I am here with my own brother and his wife, Lord and Lady Hilton."
"Ah." Clara did not miss the way her brother rolled his eyes. "That explains things."
Hiding a smile, Clara linked arms with Alice. "Come, let us step away for a moment. There is so much I want to speak with you about! My brother and Lord Atherstone were in the midst of a conversation and I am sure they would be glad of a few minutes alone." She did not look to her brother for his confirmation for this, stepping away quickly and relieved to be away from Lord Atherstone's eagerness. Letting out a small sigh, she smiled at her cousin who was looking at her curiously.
"Lord Atherstone has been very forward indeed in some of his remarks," she explained, as Alice smiled sympathetically. "We have only just been introduced and he is already asking my brother if we might walk together in the park tomorrow afternoon!"
"Goodness, that is very forward indeed!" Alice exclaimed, her eyes rounding. "But then again, you are a very wonderful person, Clara, so I am sure that ---"
Clara stopped suddenly, forcing Alice's conversation to an abrupt end. She stared straight ahead, her heart pounding in her chest, her blood thrumming in her veins as she came near face to face with the gentleman who had her heart.
Lord Rutland was not even looking at her. Instead, he was standing beside another gentleman and laughing aloud atsomething a young lady had said to him. Clara could see the twinkling eyes of the young lady in question, noticed the delight in her expression that Lord Rutland had taken notice of her remark. Her mouth went dry, her throat closing up as the room around her grew quiet. All she could hear was the beat of her own heart and the roar of blood in her ears.
She had often thought about him, wondering if they would meet here in London. She had both dreaded and desired this moment and now, as she looked at him, her heart screamed in pain and regret.
Slowly, as if he knew that she was watching him, Lord Rutland's eyes moved from the young lady's face and towards her own. Clara could not breathe, her chest aching as his eyes finally met hers.
There was no reaction from him, no response that she saw spiraling into his expression. He did not seem to be shocked to see her present, did not have even a flash of anger that would have been entirely justified. There was just a vacant expression there, a dullness to his eyes, a lifelessness that suggested she was no longer even a thought in his mind or an ache in his heart.
"Clara?"
Alice was pressing her arm, her voice seeming to come from very far away as Clara continued to gaze into Lord Rutland's eyes, wishing she could find a way to communicate with him just how much regret she had over what had been forced upon her. She did not respond to Alice, did not give her a single word of explanation or the like. Instead, she simply stood stock still, waiting for him to look away so that her torture might end.
