“Alright.Let’s leave the family alone so they can bond,” Rooster finally says with Chayne in his arms.“Cedric and Caydence need to be alone with their parents.If you need anythin’, we’ll be in the waitin’ room.Marie has to leave for a little bit but is bringin’ dinner back with her for you guys.No hospital food while you’re in here.”
Everyone gives us encouraging words and hugs before leaving the six of us alone in the hospital room.The only other person to interrupt us is the doctor to explain what will happen with Chayne moving forward.Eventually he’ll have to have surgery to remove the top of his skull.This will release the pressure building up on his brain as he grows and gets older.I don’t really know what else has to happen because I know this surgery will happen in the next few months when he’s so damn young and small.Fear is consuming me with the thought of having our son in an operating room all alone with strangers and me not being able to help him through a hard situation.The outcome of his life isn’t in my hands and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Cedric stays in the bed with his mom for the most part.The only time he gets out is when she needs to feed them.That’s when he sits on my lap and we watch cartoons until the babies are ready to be changed and burped for the last time before going back to sleep again.Peyton and I both take turns holding our older two children and playing with them the best we can so they don’t feel left out or as if we don’t care about them any longer.We won’t ever hurt them intentionally or make them feel like they don’t matter to us.Especially with all the appointments coming up.
Peyton tries her hardest to keep the pain and fear from her while the kids are in with us.It doesn’t always work, but I’m proud of how strong she is in front of the kids.When they are taken by Gary and Kelly, that’s when Peyton breaks down and cries again.I hold her in my arms and let her cry until she has no more tears to shed.That’s how she falls asleep while the twins are sleeping.Instead of allowing myself to get some sleep, I remain awake and watch over my family.This is how I’ll be for a while moving forward because I’m terrified something else is gonna happen to one of them and we won’t be awake when it happens.
Chapter Eighteen
Peyton
TWO WEEKS HAVE passedsince I had the twins and we learned of Chayne’s health problem.The guilt has weighed heavily on me and I don’t know what to do in order to relieve it.My family and Matt have been trying their hardest to get me out of my head and assure me this has nothing to do with anything I’ve done or the stress I’ve been under because of my stalker.Nothing has worked so far.Every single night I cry myself to sleep once Matt has already fallen asleep.I’m sure he knows I do this because he always knows what’s going on in my life.The man knows me better than I know myself and always has some kind of sense of what I need and exactly how to get me out of my head when I can’t do it myself.He truly is the man I love and has quickly become the center of my world with our children.
Matt still hasn’t gone back to work yet.The only time he’s been there is during the day for about a half hour just to check in with everyone and make sure things are running smoothly.Next week he’ll go in overnight once the bar closes to do inventory.He tries to do that once or twice a month.If he doesn’t do it that often, it gets too hard and takes him even longer than usual.I’m certainly not going to hold him back from working and I know he has responsibilities and he’s been putting them off in order to remain home with the kids and me.That’s the last thing I want him to do when the club and the life he’s built means everything to him.
My mom and dad have been here on a daily basis.They’ve been a great help with the kids as we all try to ensure Cedric and Caydence don’t feel left out.That’s the last thing any of us want right now.I love all of my children equally and don’t ever want a single one of them to feel as if I don’t love them as much or in the same way as the rest of the children.Cedric is always with us and has helped as much as possible with the twins.He always wants to be right in the middle of whatever we’re doing and loves holding the babies.We have so many pictures of him with the little ones and I plan on hanging them up on the walls.When Cedric’s not with the babies and me, he’s with my dad.The two of them are extremely close and I love watching them together as my dad teaches Cedric the same things he taught me and Jennifer when we were growing up.
Everyone from the club has stepped up in one way or another.The guys have been helping Matt take over his shifts at the bar and gone on the run he was supposed to go on.Matt refused to go because he’d be gone for a week and he didn’t want to leave us for that long.Kimber has been my lifeline.She’s here on a daily basis and makes me laugh with her stories more than anything else.The only reason I haven’t completely lost my shit is because of her and that’s why she’s been spending so much time with me.
Barb has been trying to stop over and be at the house with me as often as possible too.My best friend has been busier than normal and I know she hates that she can’t do more for me.I understand she’s busy though and don’t blame her for anything.Barb is one of the best people I know and there’s a reason she’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember.She deserves to live her life the way she wants and that doesn’t include spending hours and hours catering to me.Though, we have done that for one another over the years and it’s part of why we’re so close now.
“Peyton, where are you?”Kimber asks, walking through the house to find me.
“Nursery,” I call out, looking down at Cooper in my arms.
Chayne is already fed, changed and sleeping once again.He went down easy today.Usually whichever twin is fed first won’t go to sleep until the other one is in the crib with them.My boy must be tired and that’s why he fell back asleep so quickly today.It’s also one of the reasons I haven’t left the nursery yet.Every little thing about Chayne scares the hell out of me.I honestly have no clue what to expect when it comes to everything we’re dealing with.Matt and my parents are the same way.
“We’re getting you out of the house today,” Kimber says, walking in the nursery and leaning against the dresser.
“Um, what do you mean?”I question her, my voice hesitant as the thought of leaving the house fills me with fear.
“We’re going to the clubhouse for a while.Everyone wants to see you at the same time instead of taking shifts to come to the house.So, I’m bringing you down to the clubhouse for a while.The kids and you need to get out and beyond the walls of this house,” Kimber states, her voice leaving no room for me to argue with her about this.
“I guess that’s okay.I’ll pack a diaper bag for the kids.It’s gonna take me a little bit to get ready,” I say, looking around the nursery for the diaper bag my parents got us.
“I’ve got the diaper bag.You finish nursing Cooper and then get dressed.Throw your hair up and put some make-up on your face.Callum is even on his way over to the clubhouse to see you and the twins.I have a feeling he’ll be spending more time around here because of you and the kids.We’ll always be happy as hell if that happens.He’s been gone for so long and we’ve all missed him,” Kimber informs me, a somber tone to her voice as she talks about her oldest brother.
