“You’re not worried?”
“No. It’s all going to be fine. Has mother said anything?”
“About the team? Or about you in general?”
“Either,” I say, examining my cuticles. A snowflake lands in my palm and I smear it away on my sleeve.
Micke pulls out a packet of snus and stuffs one into his cheek, shaking his head. “No. She hasn’t mentioned you since the last time you left.”
My throat thickens, but I don’t think it would have been better to hear otherwise. It’s better if she’s put me out of her mind. I swallow, drumming up the courage to ask my next words. “How is she?”
Micke’s face turns shadowed. I can see a muscle working in his cheek while he sucks on the snus, like he’s trying to figure out what to say.
“The same,” he says finally.
“Anything urgent?”
He shakeshis head again. “Not that we know right now, but I made her get a physical in the spring and the doctor is worried about her liver. I brought up rehab, but she didn’t want to hear it. I don’t know how much longer she can keep going like this.”
My heart thuds, my stomach twisting in ropes. Even though I no longer have a relationship with my mother, I can’t bear the thought of losing her, too. If she left this world without ever sparing me so much as another glance—it’s too painful to even think about.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I change the subject. “What about you, Micke? Taking care of yourself?”
He shrugs. “I’m trying to. Work has been a little slow. I’ve been seeing a girl, though.”
“Another one?”
“Shut up. I like this one. And it’s been two years already, if you must know.”
Something sharp twists deep inside my chest.Two years. A painful reminder that so much life can happen in so little time. What else have I missed while I’ve been away?
“What’s her name?”
“Astrid. She’s a nurse.”
“Are you sure she’s up for the task of looking after a big baby like you?” I say, deflecting from the feelings of guilt threatening to swallow me whole.
“I guess we’ll find out. Not all of us have fortune and fame. Some of us have to take what we can get. You, on the other hand, should consider finding yourself a girl. Especially if you’re going to be in the U.S. for a while. You need somebody to look after you.”
I pause, glancing at my watch. “I’m looking after myself.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it.”
I don’thave room in my life for thoughts about family and the future. Deep down, however, I can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have something to live for besides hockey.
Chapter 28
Freddie
Grace
Guys, the craziest shit happened
Margot
????
Grace
