I give her a reproachful look.
Micke grins. “I’m not scared of the CIA. I’ve seen all the Bond films.”
“Thosemovies are shit. Do you have a favorite horror flick? There was a pretty good one calledThe Rituala few years back, set here in Sweden.”
“I haven’t seen it. I’m a baby when it comes to scary movies,” Micke replies, casting a sidelong glance at me. “Back when Mattias was recovering from his head injury after the accident, I used to sit and watchThe Lord of the Ringswith him on repeat until he was out of the hospital. Those are still his favorite movies, right, Matte?”
My blood runs cold and my attention splits to Freddie, who’s looking at me with something like surprise. It makes me want to slapshot myself in the face.
She doesn’t know about that, I want to yell at him, and I can see it dawning on Micke’s face as he realizes what he’s said. He’s always had the biggest mouth.
NHL teams don’t require your medical history when they draft you, and I’ve never disclosed the injury to them. This is the first time anyone affiliated with the team is hearing about it. Oh, I’m going to kill him.
“Give me a minute to speak with my brother, Hearst,” I say tightly.
“Her name is Freddie,” Micke has the nerve to correct me.
“Sure. See you back at the hotel. Nice meeting you, Micke,” she says, before turning to reunite with her film crew, but not before looking back once over her shoulder.
“The Monarchs don’t know about my injury,” I snap, switching back into Swedish as soon as she’s gone. “Nobody does.” I want to grab him by the collar and throttle him like I used to before he outgrew me.
Micke throws his hands up in defense. “I’m sorry. I thought it didn’t matter, since you’re already under contract.”
“It could make me appear less valuable to other teams,” I say, scathing. “They might think I’m a risk.”
“Why are you worried about other teams?”
I clench my jaw, having no interest in dumping that on him, too—giving him another reason to worry about me. “I’m not. It’s just a theoretical scenario.”
“Relax. You’re okay. I’m sure if you ask Freddie to keep it between you, she will. She seems to respect you.” His blue eyes fill with concern, his cold-tinged cheeks pink above his scarf and his pale blonde hair mussed by the breeze.
“It’s too late. She already knows.”
“So, this is about her, then?”
“No,” I snap. I drag the heels of my palms over my face.
“I swear, I thought everybody already knew. I thought you had to disclose it.”
“I didn’t. It’s not their business. If I’m able to play well, that should be all that matters.”
“Just talk to her and I’m sure it’ll all clear up,” he says. He always was more optimistic than me. “How are things going over there?” he asks when I don’t say anything. “I’ve been worried about you.”
Not good, I want to say, but I just shrug instead. I oblige him when he gestures for me to take a seat on the bleachers next to him, and for the first time I let my eyes wander over the Stockholm skyline. Warm candles flicker in windows and twinkling rope lights hang over the streets. A few stray snowflakes land in my lap as a group of young hockey players pass us, carrying their sticks, laughing and joking with one another. It’s a glimpse into the life I’ve chosen not to live.
There are people who care about me here. I’d almost forgotten what it feels like, to just sit with someone who knows you,reallyknows you, who isn’t measuring you by your athletic statistics.
“Everything’s going well,” I say, not looking him in the eye. I want to be honest with him, but he has enough on his plate looking after our mother. I shouldn’t add my own stress or the pathetic details of my dying career to his list of things to worry about.
“Are you sure?”
He always had a good intuition.
“I just hope we can make a better showing this season. I want to see the playoffs at least once before I’m forced to retire.”
“Helvete. Don’t worry about that, Matte. You’re going to play till you die. I saw the news about the scandal, though.”
“The league is working it out. We’re going to pull through it, and even in the worst case, I have enough money to keep the lights on over here.”
