When the movie is over, I am unfortunately still not tired. The time change has screwed up my sleep schedule big time. I am hoping after a week I will be readjusted back to this time zone. Cassie is slumped on the couch, leaning against me to keep herself up. I give her a gentle nudge.
“Wanna watch something else?” I ask. She looks at me, confused.
“How the hell are you not tired?” she asks as she stretches her good shoulder and yawns.
“Never mind, go to bed sleepy head.” Poor girl has had a long day.
“No, no it’s ok.” Another big yawn. Her eyes glaze over, wet from her yawn. “I can stay up. We used to pull all-nighters all the time! I’m not....” Yawning again as she says the word tired. “Wanna watch The Suicide Squad?”
“Didn’t we already watch that?” I’m confused because I’m pretty sure that was one of the last movie nights we did before I went to California.
“No, you are thinking of Suicide Squad. This is THE Suicide Squad.” She giggles as she starts the movie. I guess I’ll figure it out as we watch it. “It’s the second one. For some reason, they added THE, and then it became a sequel.”
“That is completely asinine. Who the hell thought of that?” I roll my eyes and lean back on the couch, putting my arm behind her again.
She leans into me, and I slowly start drawing circles on her bare skin. I can feel the goosebumps pebble down her arm. I have no clue what is going on in this movie because I am so distracted by her. Except for that weasel. What the fucking hell is that thing. It’s disgusting.
She is now fully curled into my side with her head resting on my chest. Her breathing has evened out, signifying that she is asleep, so much for pulling an all-nighter. She smells so good. Her shampoo has an apple scent to it. I love it. I can’t help but bury my face in her hair and inhale. It relaxes my entire body. Fatigue is finally settling in. I decide to turn off the TV, and we will both sleep out here again.
I shift to where I am lying down with my head on the armrest again and gently pull Cassie on top of me. She doesn’t wake up, but she does wrap her arm around tighter and snuggle her face against me, letting out a soft moan as she breathes. This is much more comfortable. The room is almost pitch black; the only light is the soft glow from the cityscape beyond the window. The gentle hum of a fan is the only sound besides our breathing. She tucks her head under my chin and goes completely still.
I just lay there holding her as I fight sleep. I don’t want this moment to end. I just want to savor it. It feels good. It feels right. But I know this probably won’t happen again, as much as I would like it to. I want to so bad, but I keep going back to when we were younger. We tried it once, and she was very adamant that it felt like she was kissing her brother. Oh well, at least I can have this moment.
Holding her tighter, I finally drift off to sleep. The sound of her gentle breathing pulling me under. I’m in such a deep, relaxed sleep that I don’t even think I dream.
22. Cassie
Imust have shifted in my sleep because the pain in my shoulder shocks me awake. The Tylenol must have worn off. I’m unsure how long I have been asleep, but it is so dark. I can barely make out Lucian’s shape under me. I am unsure of how we ended up lying in this position, but I honestly don’t care. I slept so relaxed, up until the shooting pain.
I can barely make out the time on the stove, but I think it says 4:17. The sun will be up in an hour or so. The thought saddens me. I haven’t felt this relaxed and content snuggling with someone in a long time. Feeling his chest rise and fall beneath my head feels like when you are on a boat, and the waves gently rock you back and forth. It is soothing. He is making a soft snoring noise. It is adorable.
I reach up slowly and gently caress the side of his face. His scruff is so prickly, but his jawline is sharp and defined now. I trace along it with my fingertips, careful not to wake him. I feel a tinge of regret. This moment feels too intimate, nothing that two friends should share. Maybe what is going on between Lucian and me could be something more.
I bite my lower lip. Have the feelings from years ago dissipated? I always felt like he was a brother to me, but these last two days have thrown me for a loop. I need to know. I lift slightly, bringing my lips just above his. I hover there, the pain in my shoulder straining as I try to disperse my weight evenly on my other limbs. I’m hovering just out of reach, but I can feel the electric charge passing between us.
OK, now or never. If I feel nothing, then it is back to how it was. But if I do feel something, and oh God, do I hope I do, I need to figure out what the next step is. I lean toward him and close the distance between our lips. Sparks shoot across my chest and down my body. From head to toe, I am tingling. Is this what people mean when they say they feel fireworks when kissing the one they love? Do I love Lucian?
A small moan slips from me, and for a split second, it feels like he is kissing me back. Time seems to stand still. I break away and quickly lay my head back down on his chest. I can hear my blood pumping, and I worry the loud thumping might wake him up.
I wish I could hold onto this feeling a bit longer, but unfortunately once the sun comes up, I’m not sure what will happen. Should I tell Lucian about these feelings I have been having? I really want to, but what if I tell him and he still feels like he did when we were growing up? I don’t know if I’d be able to go back to how things were. I feel a connection with him like I have never felt before. These thoughts swirl in my mind as the sounds of his breathing soothe me back to sleep.
A few hours later, I wake to sunlight illuminating my entire apartment. The reds and oranges of the sunrise cast a glow on everything, making everything feel warmer. I’m still lying on Lucian, and I look up to find him staring out the window, watching the sunrise.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I say through a yawn, suddenly aware that I might have morning breath.
He just looks at me, studying my face. His mouth is slightly open as if he wants to say something, but he just stares at me. OK, well, I take that as my cue to get off of him. I try to lift up without putting too much weight on my shoulder; it is thankfully less painful this morning.
“Want to go get some breakfast, then we can get the cleaning supplies? We could go to Ninas.” He is still staring at me, not uttering a single word. He just nods with a grunt and heads to the guest bathroom. Alrighty then. That wasn’t awkward at all.
I head to my bathroom to get rid of the morning breath and horrible bedhead. I need to change and pack a set of old junk clothes to clean in and a nice set in case we go out to dinner.
*Ding* *Ding* *Ding* *Ding*
Who the fuck is blowing up my phone at 8 AM?
Theo-*Cassandra, what the fuck do you think you are doing?! *
Theo-*You think you can see someone else behind my back? *
