“Myel! No! Stop! I have no desire to break our bond. Iwantyou in my life, period. Why do you keep thinking I don’t? I’m not getting rid of you. You’re stuck with me, whether you want it or not! Ilikehaving you in my life. I crave being close to you. And sure, maybe that’s the bond speaking, but so what if it is? The bond makes me feel so damned good when you’re near and I don’t want to give that up. Got it?”
He didn’t. His emotions were still unsettled, his forlorn mistrust weighing on him.
Maybe it was time for a different tactic.
“Let me be perfectly clear.” I wriggled out of his grip enough to turn around and face him, our noses so close they brushed each other. This needed to be said eye to eye. “There is only one reason I’d ever consider breaking our bond, and that is ifyouasked me to. If you wanted to be free to live your own life, then I’d respect and honor that and let you go.”
“Is. That. What. You. Want?” I asked point blank, emphasizing every word.
“No, I?—”
“Then you’re good. I’m not going anywhere.” And I kissed him to punctuate the point. “I like having you nearby. I like our hot, sweaty times together, and our slow andsensual times together, and our non-sexy, soothing times together. I want you in my life. End of discussion.”
Still his emotions weren’t settled.
Fuck this.
“Say it,” I said with a heavy sigh. “I know what you’re feeling, so say it, out loud!”
Myel flinched as if struck and the words spilled out. “I don’t believe you!” he shouted. Well, as much as he could shout at me, since we were so close.
I pushed him away, fed up. I sat on the edge of the couch and shook my head.
“Sure, fine, but that’son you,not me,” I said firmly. “I’ve told you how I feel, and you know I’m telling the truth because you can feel it through our bond. And yeah, sure, Maybe I’m not at ‘love’ yet, but that doesn’t change the fact that Iwant youin my life. How many times do I have to say it?”
This is not how I’d hoped our time together would go.
Though, to be fair. Myel had been through hell lately. He’d died and been revived, then nearly killed again in a most gruesome way. I could understand him being upset aboutthat, but not aboutme.
“I’m just…” Another sigh as he sat up next to me. “I don’t know what I am. After everything I’ve been through, I feel weak and useless. And I don’t know why you’d want me around.”
There, had that been so hard to say?
Though, given how tense he’d been while saying it… perhaps it had been difficult. Once he’d said it, most of his emotions drained away, leaving only a faint despair and a lot of amorphous anxiety.
“Even though I’m upset,” I whispered. “I still want you.” I looked over at him. “You can be angry at someone you carefor. In fact, the ones we care for make us the angriest at times.”
He nodded.
“I hear you,” he said. “The rest… is for me to work out.”
It was really hard not to shout:hell yeah!
He leaned over and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek. “I should go. I’ll… be careful.”
And now a part of me worried that he wouldn’t be careful, that he’d push himself to prove he was worthy of me, or something stupid like that, and get himself killed.
“Just… come back,” I whispered as we both got up and went hunting for discarded clothes.
“I will.” He dressed quickly, then left.
I felt like shit.
So much for our time together making me feel better.
“Be safe,” I whispered to the air, even as my heart constricted at the thought of him lurking around the capital.
MYELAS
