And yet something didn’t sit quite right with me, and I decided to talk it through. “But… Rook and I, we were friends with benefits for a while, but that didn’t feel like love. Not that I really know what love feels like, but it didn’t feel like we were… close… if that makes sense.”
Koar shrugged.
“There’s a difference between friends who are close… andbest friendswho are close. The first is… probably more like affection. The second is love.”
Yup, that hit the nail on the head once again.
I nodded.
“Yeah, you’re right. We were close, but notthatclose.” And also… “I’m notthatclose with any of you yet. I’ve only known you all for a few days. I’ve been forced to be close to Myel, but it’s not the same. At least not for me.” And that’s when it hit me, Myel had gotten tolovea lot quicker than I had, perhaps because he hadn’t had any close friends and I’d instantly become his best friend, while I’d been keeping a bit more distance, not knowing where things were going. He hadn’t had anyone and I’d been a light in the dark, something to hold onto for dear life. I hadn’t had anyone, but I’d liked the darkness. I was still getting used to this new light.
This really was a revelation.
And since I needed time to assimilate this and figure out what it meant for me, I turned things back on Koar.
“And how do you feel? Where do you stand?”
That little smile grew, and it was such an out of place thing on his usually stoic face, he looked like a different person. Still big and hulking and handsome, but less hard and more ruggedly easy-going.
“I know we’re not best friends yet, that’ll take time.” But his golden-eyed gaze intensified, making me feel quite warm in a delicious — if self-conscious— sort of way. “But I do find you very sexy.”
Yup, okay, very warm now, edging toward hot. Lady bits swelling in all the right ways.
“I’m attracted, not just to your body, but to… everything that you are: kind, intelligent, and caring, soft at times but fierce at others. You have wit and grace and a blazingly determined spirit… but you’re not hard, like everyone else in this world. You see things differently and want to help people, want to change, and that’s sexy as hell to me.”
If he kept going like this, we’d soon be pressing sexy bits together, conversation over.
But then he drew in a long breath, letting it out slowly and some of the heat faded from his gaze. I did the same, to temper my mounting lust.
“And… I should have told you that a long time ago, but I was afraid. Like you, I was afraid that getting too close would be a liability, that you’d distract me from my duty to protect you. Honestly, I still struggle with that, but when I thought you… might…” He clenched his jaw shut and blinked a few times.
Was there anything sexier than a big brute of a man on the verge of tears when talking about how much he couldn’t bear the thought of losing you?
I didn’t think so.
And the heat was back.
Keep going like this, big guy, and you’ll be getting your dick wet real damned soon.
“I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you and never having been with you or at least telling you how amazing you are.”
“I’mreallyliking this big, strong, and vulnerable vibe you’ve got going,” I warned him, my voice husky. And in case he didn’t quite get my meaning I undid a button on my silk pajamas. Then another one. Then another. Someone had really buttoned me up tight and it took three before I was giving Koar a rather splendid view of my cleavage.
His eyes went wide, dilating, a low rumble radiating out of him.
But then… he seemed to clamp down on his arousal. He looked away, taking deep breaths through his mouth.
Huh… resisting me? Playing hard to get?
Damn, I really needed this man inside me now.
“I… would very much like to… tear you out of that silk,” he mumbled.
And I very much wanted him to.
“But there was one more thing I wanted to say. Something I’ve never spoken aloud. The reason I’ve kept my distance.” He dared to look back at me, his eyes instantly dilating again. “Before we move on to more pleasurable pursuits.”
“Say it quickly,” I said, undoing another button.
