“Get over it.” I turned my attention back to my computer and the thoughts running through my head that shouldn’t be. But they all meant one thing. Caity and Maddie would be safe.
“What are you thinking?” Mac asked, unbothered by my attitude.
“That I need to keep my family safe,” I replied absently.
“Why wouldn’t they be safe?”
I didn’t answer; my fingers flew over the keyboard as I searched for the answer I needed. The answer that would allow me to keep my family safe. The answer that would allow me to keep them.
Because if Sylvia St. James was still alive, I had no choice but to walk away.
“Why wouldn’t they be safe, Ci?” he asked again. He wouldn’t understand. He didn’t have anyone but Sal, me, and Duncan. It was the way he wanted it, and I respected it; I just vehemently disagreed with it.
I stood from my desk and grabbed my jacket. I rushed out the door, as Mac followed me to the elevator.
“Where the fuck are you going?”
“Home,” I said as I bypassed the elevator to take the stairs. This was something I had to do now, while I was in the right frame of mind. It was the hardest thing I would ever do in my life, but I loved my girls too much to put their lives at risk.
I walked away once to keep her safe. I could do it again. Because her life was more important than my happiness.
I slammed open the door that led out to the street. Walking quickly, I made my way back to the apartment. In the elevator, I leaned against the back wall and closed my eyes, giving myself a pep talk that would allow me to follow through with breaking the heart of the one woman I never wanted to hurt.
I reminded myself of everything I’d just read. The countless victims. The accounts of what was done to them. And for what? Money? Power?
Sal often said I was the brains in the family. The one who did the searching, the puzzle solver. Mac was the muscle. He was the one we sent to deal with the shit.
Duncan was the conscience. He was the one who kept us from becoming what Eamon was. He was always there to pull us back when we took a step too far.
Sal was the leader. The man in charge. He ruled with a heavy but fair fist. I’d never wanted to be in charge. The idea never even occurred to me. I had more than enough information to send all three of them away for the rest of their lives and take over. Become the big man everyone admired and idolized.
But that wasn’t who I was.
And I owed it all to Daniel and Tabitha McCarthy. My parents. The people who taught me it was okay to love. It was okay to be vulnerable and give someone your heart.
It didn’t make you weak.
But it did make you vulnerable.
When the elevator doors opened, I found Caity and Maddie once again sitting at the table. I took a deep breath and walked toward the two most important people in my life.
Caity looked up and smiled. “You’re home.”
“I am.” I smiled back, though I knew it didn’t reach my eyes. And Caity knew it too. Her shoulders slumped just the slightest bit, but she kept the smile on her face.
For Maddie.
Everything she’d ever done was for Maddie. I only hoped she’d understand that what I was about to do, I was doing for Maddie, too.
And for her.
“Hi, Dad.” Maddie’s voice was so chipper. I did my best not to let her see the war brewing inside me. I kissed her on the head.
“Hey, sweetheart. Liam is downstairs to make sure you get home okay. I need to talk to your mom.”
“Okay,” she said, drawing out the word. She looked to Caity, who smiled and nodded.
“Remember what I said, Mom.” Caity nodded again and hugged Maddie.
