“You’ll never understand,” I whispered.
“I started the fire.”
My eyes snapped up to his. “What?”
“The fire that killed my sister. I started it. I thought I could control it. She was so fucking sad all the time. I thought if I could just get him there. Let him see what she was going through, then he’d take her back. But everything went up so fast, and when the fire department got there, they said it was too late. He never even tried to save her. But I was the one who killed her. I have to live with that for the rest of my life, Grace. The guilt of knowing that what I did to try to help her was what ultimately took her away from me.”
“Oh, Johnny.”
My heart broke for him. For a few minutes, everything I’d been through was gone. It disappeared with his confession. Itwouldn’t save me from the fear or the nightmares and memories, but it eased something inside me. Something I couldn’t explain. Johnny and I had a connection I didn’t have with the others. He was like a little brother, but he was also my best friend. He’d always had a way of putting things into perspective for me.
He’d lost his sister almost ten years ago. What he went through wasn’t the same. It wasn’t even in the same category, but it was his trauma. It was the trauma he lived with that had made him who he was. He would never‘get over’what happened, but he’d learned to live with it.
Could I do that? Would I be able to get to the point where it wasn’t at the forefront of my mind day in and day out? Would I be able to live a‘normal’life again someday?
Laugh again?
Smile?
Make love?
I couldn’t see it. But maybe with time it would become a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe one day Stephanie would recede again and Grace could shine again.
The question was... would King still be there?
Johnny and I talked a little longer; I cried some more, and he held my hand. I felt safe, like I didn’t need to be on edge waiting to see how my body would react to sudden movements, or if the guys got too close, would I wince?
I didn’t want to leave, but I knew he was tired, and I still needed to see Maureen. So, I said goodbye and surprised myself when I leaned over and kissed his cheek.
“Time, Grace. It heals. There might always be a scar, but the wound will close.”
I nodded and stepped into the hall. I looked up at King. His eyes still held that fear, that worry that I would run. I didn’t want to get his hopes up, but the urge to leave had lessened just a tiny bit.
“You ready to meet Bennett?”
I nodded but didn’t answer. I wasn’t sure if I was ready. I was sure she and the sheriff had heard what happened by now. There was no hiding from Maureen.
We took the elevator up to the fourth floor and stepped out. Colleen was just coming out of Maureen’s room when she saw us. Her eyes welled with tears and she rushed over and hugged me tightly.
“We were so worried about you.”
I wrapped my arms around her and just stood there, trying to hold back the tears that were the only constant in my life right now.
“I’m okay,” I lied.
Colleen pulled back and studied me. “You’re not,” she said. “And that’s okay. Because you will be. We’re all here for you. Whatever you need.” She hugged me again and added, “Go inside. Mom’s been champing at the bit to see you. She threatened to leave AMA if you didn’t show up soon.” Colleen smiled, and I couldn’t help the way my mouth lifted to smile back. It felt foreign. Like it was something new I’d just learned.
“Are you leaving?”
“Yeah, I need to go take care of Tucker. Plus, she’s driving me nuts.” She laughed. “Let her smother you. She needs it as much as you do.”
Colleen said goodbye, and when I looked up, King was smiling back at me. I shook my head at his arrogance and opened the door.
“For fuck’s sake, it’s about time. Come here!” Maureen climbed off the bed and pulled me against her.
“Shouldn’t you be lying down?”
“Pfft, no. I had a baby. I’m not dying.”
