My mouth opens, but no words come out.
“She wanted to see me,” he says. He looks down and doodles on a piece of paper.
“And did you?” I keep my voice even.
He frowns. “No. I was with Beth. I wouldn’t have done that.”
I watch him doodle little pawprints across the paper. “But you’ve kept in touch?”
He doesn’t reply.
I sigh. Somehow, deep down, Beth knew. She might not have known they were in touch, but she could obviously sense that his heart was no longer in their relationship.
I feel a lightening of my heart. It doesn’t make what I did excusable. Jude is still upset with both of us, and rightly so. But it means he had a part to play in their breakup that goes deeper than him saying he doesn’t want kids.
“Are you going to see her now you’re not with Beth?” I ask.
“She’s still in Australia.” It’s not an answer, it’s a side-step, but maybe he doesn’t know.
We sit quietly for a bit.
“So… are you two dating now?” he asks after a while.
I shake my head. “She wants some time alone. Noah’s offered her his cottage for a few weeks.”
He looks puzzled. “Why go through all this, turn everything upside down, and not date her?”
I hesitate. “Beth needs to close the door on her relationship with you before we start anything together.” I wait for him to make a sarcastic comment about us only waiting a few hours, but he doesn’t.
“Do you know when she’ll come and get her stuff?” he asks.
“No.”
“When she does, I’ll apologize to her,” he says. “For hurting her.”
“Will you tell her about Chrissie?”
“No.”
“It might make her feel better about the breakup.”
“No, and I don’t want you to tell her either.”
I frown. “I don’t like the thought of keeping it a secret from her.”
“Well, we’ll both have to live with your discomfort.” He glares at me.
A sense of wistful sadness settles over me. It’s possible that, over time, our friendship might improve. He might even forgive me. But things between us will never be the same. In his eyes, I’ll always be the friend who betrayed him, and I’ll have to live with that.
I get to my feet. “I know you’re upset with me, and that’s fair enough. I’m not expecting that to disappear overnight. I came here because I don’t want to make things awkward professionally. It’s not fair on everyone else who works here. So I’m hoping we can keep things civil, until the dust settles.”
Jude just continues to doodle on the paper.
“One more thing,” I add, “you should know that I’ve offered Beth a position at PAWS.”
When I first had the idea of an animal-assisted therapy center a few years ago, I told Jude about it and asked him if he was interested in running it with me. I thought we’d make a good team—me organizing the therapy side of things, and him looking after the animals. But to my surprise he said no, that he’d prefer to stay in his role at the Ark. Maybe he thought it unlikely the center would succeed, and he didn’t want to give up a secure job. I understood if that was the case, although I was a little hurt, but I put it behind me. He’s been supportive, and has offered to help with any manual work that needs doing, but he’s never mentioned moving from the Ark, and neither have I.
“I didn’t originally ask her,” I continue, “because I felt too awkward about us working in close proximity.”
