Two weeks passed. They didn’t make me go to the club. They were nothing more than polite when we passed each other. I wasn’t invited to join them for dinner. They didn’t linger if I was in a room. I’d severed the tie and the loose ends were strangling me. I’d never felt more alone.
Dad was still in Boston and having a great time with Betty. He barely had time to talk with all the things they were doing. Naomi never had any interest in my pathetic attempts at talking. I’d stopped blocking my door at night but it didn’t matter. Theo didn’t come anymore.
In an attempt to make my heart stop aching, I convinced myself that everything I’d felt for them had nothing to do with them. It was simply the new experiences that had been so earth-shattering for me. I was sure if I tried it with anyone else, the feelings would’ve been the same.
Those thoughts blossomed in my gray mind until I felt like I had to go to the club alone to test my theory. I needed to prove I hadn’t lost anything special.
So, when Naomi informed me that the guys were gone for two nights, I knew I had to go. I threw up twice while getting ready but I told myself it was just something I ate. I ignored all the red flags waving in my brain and I would’ve ignored a thousand more if it meant a chance at forgetting the way it felt to have the guys’ attention.
I had to dig in the last box of my things to find a nightie I’d bought as some attempt to love my body years earlier. It was another ‘put the outfit on and pretend mirrors didn’t exist’ situation. I slipped on my shoes and then grabbed a robe to wrap around myself until I got to the club.
Even though I knew the guys were gone, I still felt like I was sneaking out. I knew Dominic had set the rule that I wasn’tallowed at the club without one of them but I didn’t care about his rules anymore. And what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.
“They’re not going to be very happy with you.” Naomi leaned against the stair railing and wagged her finger at me.
I blushed from the top of my head to the soles of my feet.
“I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m just going out for a bit.”
“I wouldn’t want to be you when they get back.” She shook her head and slowly backed away. “Be careful on your own over there. Men see an innocent little lamb like you and lose it.”
I crossed my arms and frowned.
“How did you know I was going to the club?”
“You’ve been sneaking around all day. I just assumed. And then when I saw your outfit, I knew.” She surprised me with a smile. “Have fun. I hope you know what you’re doing.”
I hurried down the stairs and out the front door. If I quickly walked away from her, maybe I’d forget the ominous warning. Hurrying through the woods, I had to keep my head down and try to tune out the sounds of the night. I wasn’t sure what bothered me more, being alone in the woods or knowing Theo wasn’t sneaking around in them.
I was out of breath by the time I got to the club. The guard at the door looked me over and frowned. I’d seen him before and I figured he was wondering why the hell I wasn’t with my normal escorts. I forced a smile and took a deep breath before I shrugged out of my robe.
“They know I’m here tonight.”
He raised his eyebrows but opened the door for me.
“Have a good night, sweetheart.”
I scurried inside and took a moment to gather my nerve. I could do it. I was a brave, strong woman. I’d been in the club several times and I’d enjoyed myself. I could do it just fine without the guys. I didn’t need them. Still, I went straight tothe bar and ordered a drink. A little liquid courage never hurt anyone…
There were so many people in the club, more than I’d ever seen. The floor had been cleared in the middle to create a dance floor and it was full of couples in varying degrees of nudity. Along the wall of the large space, positioned in front of the dark walls, were several intimidating looking pieces of sex dungeon furniture. I wasn’t sure what most of them were but I knew enough to know a St. Andrews cross when I saw one.
I inched my way to the end of the bar and sipped my drink while staring at one of the crosses. I felt a familiar tug in my lower stomach and had real hope for the first time it wasn’t just the guys who turned me on. I could replace them.
“If you stare any harder at that cross, you’re going to make it blush.”
I startled at the surprise of someone talking to me and choked on a gulp of my drink. While I coughed, I glanced up and saw that the person patting my back was a guy who looked like he was around my age. The feeling of his hand on my bare back made me ease away from him.
“You okay? I didn’t mean to scare you.” He smiled and motioned behind him at the bar. “Since I ruined the end of that drink, can I buy you a new one?”
I cleared my throat and smiled. “No, thanks. This was it for me.”
“I’m David, by the way. I saw you as soon as you walked in and knew I had to at least try to talk to you. You’re beautiful.” He took my hand and I was struck by how soft his hands were. “What’s your name, gorgeous?”
A woman walking by in two pieces of string tied together as panties eyed David up and down and made me look twice at him. Had I not seen something? He was subjectively attractive but a little too pretty for me. There were no lines on his face, nostories to be told of the life he’d lived. I was instantly sure he had a better skincare routine than I did and he was prettier than me.
Still. I had to try.
“Sutton. Um, thank you.”
